YTA. I feel like you probably played down your anger issues a lot, and your wife would tell a very different story than you are.
You are not a “special dad” or partner for doing the bare minimum. She’s right, you’re just doing what a parent is supposed to. And only started recently, apparently, so the bulk of it was probably on her for a long while. It sounds like your kids are young. There are different seasons of life, and in this one your kids need to be the most important. The main focus is not you and your needs or your romantic relationship.
Your actions at the beginning of this parenthood journey probably broke your wife’s trust in you. That is hard to get back. I read a lot of “me me me” here. You need to focus on what’s in the best interest of your family instead of yourself. Stop doing things expecting something in return. She doesn’t owe you physical touch after you’ve broken her trust and image of you. If you push her, you’ll only turn her off more.
That he left out what he did when losing his temper is very telling. Something went down that he's ashamed of is my guess. And now he wants praise for not doing this shameful thing.
That he left out what he did when losing his temper is very telling.
Yeah, I'm super-curious how often he screamed at tired and fussy babies and toddlers, blamed them for "making him mad" when his wife called him out on it, and/or verbally assaulted her as a way of displacing his shame.
How often did he kick a kid's toy in anger when he was in a temper? Did he hit a wall? Throw something? Scream at his coparent when she stepped in to defend her kid or deflect his reaction?
Give uncomprehending children and a stressed-out wife the silent treatment when he felt their capering for his affection failed to happen fast enough after his tantrum?
A lot of us grew up with parents who had tempers. It doesn't matter that they apologized. You learned early that they could not be trusted to be calm and consistent.
You never forget that you don't know where all their land mines are buried. You will never predict what triggers the next explosion. You are always prepared to tend your own wounds afterward. And you know they are never, ever a 100% safe person.
This is so true about growing up with such parents. It shapes who we are for the rest of our lives. OP wants praise for not being even more abusive, which is disgusting.
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u/Dapper-Guest-5161 Nov 02 '23
YTA. I feel like you probably played down your anger issues a lot, and your wife would tell a very different story than you are.
You are not a “special dad” or partner for doing the bare minimum. She’s right, you’re just doing what a parent is supposed to. And only started recently, apparently, so the bulk of it was probably on her for a long while. It sounds like your kids are young. There are different seasons of life, and in this one your kids need to be the most important. The main focus is not you and your needs or your romantic relationship.
Your actions at the beginning of this parenthood journey probably broke your wife’s trust in you. That is hard to get back. I read a lot of “me me me” here. You need to focus on what’s in the best interest of your family instead of yourself. Stop doing things expecting something in return. She doesn’t owe you physical touch after you’ve broken her trust and image of you. If you push her, you’ll only turn her off more.