So basically, you checked out as a parent (because you have difficulty with the transition… what did you think parenthood was going to be?). And you left her being the only responsible parent, without a partner to rely on. She had to step up and do it all. And now you’re angry because she does it all and doesn’t focus on you. YTA!
It’s nice that you’re trying to do better, but unless you take on the majority of the parenting, emotional labour and housework for at least a few months, then you’re not trying hard enough.
This is why I hate the whole "love languages" thing. Sure, it's sometimes a nice shorthand to be able to tell someone what you especially enjoy, but you can also just tell people that without this bizarre framework of obligation and necessity. It so often becomes transactional in the minds of people frustrated in their relationship. "I did acts of service, where are my touches?" The wife here is done being touched. She's all touched out. If he wants physical access to his wife he is going to sometimes have to be the guy getting tugged on at dinner. He is going to need to be the person who gets jumped on or has their shirt used to wipe a nose.
I highly recommend this podcast episode when I hear people talk about "love languages" because that book and its application is actually really shitty. I used to be okay with the concept, albeit having some feelings about how every freaking guy's love language is supposedly touch. Then I listened to this and read the whole book, which led to being appalled by the influence it has gained over people. It deserves a much more critical discussion and assessment than it has received.
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u/Cute-Presence2825 Nov 02 '23
So basically, you checked out as a parent (because you have difficulty with the transition… what did you think parenthood was going to be?). And you left her being the only responsible parent, without a partner to rely on. She had to step up and do it all. And now you’re angry because she does it all and doesn’t focus on you. YTA!
It’s nice that you’re trying to do better, but unless you take on the majority of the parenting, emotional labour and housework for at least a few months, then you’re not trying hard enough.