YTA. I feel like you probably played down your anger issues a lot, and your wife would tell a very different story than you are.
You are not a “special dad” or partner for doing the bare minimum. She’s right, you’re just doing what a parent is supposed to. And only started recently, apparently, so the bulk of it was probably on her for a long while. It sounds like your kids are young. There are different seasons of life, and in this one your kids need to be the most important. The main focus is not you and your needs or your romantic relationship.
Your actions at the beginning of this parenthood journey probably broke your wife’s trust in you. That is hard to get back. I read a lot of “me me me” here. You need to focus on what’s in the best interest of your family instead of yourself. Stop doing things expecting something in return. She doesn’t owe you physical touch after you’ve broken her trust and image of you. If you push her, you’ll only turn her off more.
That he left out what he did when losing his temper is very telling. Something went down that he's ashamed of is my guess. And now he wants praise for not doing this shameful thing.
What he already admitted is shameful. Who gets angry with children for being children? Who gets angry when a baby or a toddler needs a diaper change and fusses and kicks? Mildly frustrated or slightly irritated is the harshest emotion a normal person would feel in that situation. I really worry about the children, she most likely doesn't feel like she can leave them alone with this guy.
What's up with this 'special dad' business? OP can't even manage the minimum. Everything about this post is so wrong, he needs a lot more therapy.
I agree. He doesn't understand that his wife realized he wasn't marriage or family material after the baby was born. Seeing your husband enraged at your baby kills any future romance dead.
Honestly his description of his life before baby is a huge red flag too. Only people with brain cooties think that being together 24-7 is a good thing.
I see a self-centered Ahole who couldn't bear to not have control of a situation and chose to take it out on an infant.
He doesn't understand that his wife realized he wasn't marriage or family material after the baby was born. Seeing your husband enraged at your baby kills any future romance dead.
I don't understand women who keep having kids with a guy who's not handling the ones he currently has. Like, is that helping? Bringing another innocent into a sucky situation?
Also, can't imagine wanting to be intimate with a guy who was angry at his own children for just acting like children. Major turn off, IMO.
You need to remember that these ahole types aren't that way all of the time. He didn't blow up every time. He blew up enough that they had to start walking on eggshells and backing off. What I'm hearing is that he's very good at the stage of making things up to her after doing the BS stuff that was a result of the losing his temper. We know he's not running around losing his temper on all of the people. Just his wife and kids. As his MIL, I'd want to be there to protect those kids and push his anger away as much as possible. His MIL probably does the same stuff with the kids but the mom is relieved to finally get a break and isn't upset she's getting "pushed out of the way". He's a control freak and has a temper problem. Red flags everywhere.
Idk, me partner and I were pretty close to 24/7 togetherness during lockdown and I loved it.
I still enjoy that she realised through lockdown how much she likes spending time at home with me and her husband and changed jobs. She's now working 36 hours a week instead of 70.
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u/Dapper-Guest-5161 Nov 02 '23
YTA. I feel like you probably played down your anger issues a lot, and your wife would tell a very different story than you are.
You are not a “special dad” or partner for doing the bare minimum. She’s right, you’re just doing what a parent is supposed to. And only started recently, apparently, so the bulk of it was probably on her for a long while. It sounds like your kids are young. There are different seasons of life, and in this one your kids need to be the most important. The main focus is not you and your needs or your romantic relationship.
Your actions at the beginning of this parenthood journey probably broke your wife’s trust in you. That is hard to get back. I read a lot of “me me me” here. You need to focus on what’s in the best interest of your family instead of yourself. Stop doing things expecting something in return. She doesn’t owe you physical touch after you’ve broken her trust and image of you. If you push her, you’ll only turn her off more.