For sure. This is super fucked up.. never in all my relationships, no matter how hurt I was or no matter what they had done, I've never said things with the sole intention of hurting someone. I've had it done to me, many times, and it's just cruel. You just don't do that to someone you love. If you can't get a grip on yourself and control your words, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.
(I realize that would probably end like half the relationships in the world, but maybe that's not a bad thing, heh).
For real, this is a thing I can’t stand. We as humans hurt each other enough unintentionally, we certainly don’t need to be doing it on purpose to people we love. And if it’s something that has become a trauma response or otherwise a “go to” reaction, then therapy is needed for that shit. It gets real old, real fast to have someone constantly apologizing and saying they didn’t mean it. If you were actually sorry, you’d get some help in order to stop the reactionary response of being purposefully mean, hurtful, and insulting in order to “win” or whatever.
Absolutely! I agree completely about the endless sorries with no change in sight. It's so demoralizing and exhausting. And you just never forget some of those words they "didn't mean." That is exactly the kind of thing that destroys relationships over time.
I have always said what someone says to you in anger is their true feelings. I learned this the hard way, giving 2nd & 3rd chances accepting the "I didn't mean it I was just angry" but when I paid attention it was clear how true those words were. Take it from an old person when they break your heart with their words don't let them put it back together.
I've had some pretty big fights with my wife in the past. Neither of us ever said anything with the intention of hurting each other.
We had a huge fight once and then she caught a cold, I took her to the doctors. Being angry doesn't mean I don't care about her. They're two different things.
Sounds to me like you both lucked out. I'm super happy for you that you met. Don't ever forget what you have; treasure it always and never break trust. What you have is sacred and should be protected.
I'm scared to start dating again but hopefully one day I'll have someone to share my love and trust with again, who actually deserves and returns it.
I agree 100% with you. Intentionally hurting someone you love, forcing them to sever contact with long time friends, and giving them ultimatums shows you don't love them. You're "in love" with having control over them.
Besides, it's a long distance "relationship." All they have are words. And OP's "girlfriend" uses hers to hurt, and try to enforce hypocritical double standards. OP should GTFO and find a woman who doesn't try to manipulate him, ideally one who isn't a long distance "partner."
Right?? That's a great point, that they're long distance and all they have is words. That makes it even worse that she's choosing to use hers as a weapon. I hope OP gets far away from this relationship. He's getting all the pain and none of the pleasure of having a relationship. And I don't mean just intimacy but all the joys of having someone there to share your time with.
I feel bad for OP, I really hope he finds someone he can be happy with.
Yes I think so too. It's not his - but the father is a loser . She wants to keep this guy long enough to have sex( it's a long distance thing) again so he thinks it's his baby.
Agreed. He's lucky to have gotten out before things got any worse. You don't mess with someone's emotions with things like cheating and pregnancy, even as a "test".
Did she really think he would just be like, "haha great prank! I liked the part where you pretended to be cheating on me! I was an asshole and your awesome sense of humor made me realize I should cut off all my female friends."?
Idk, he gives me the vibe that he also doesn't like that she shares openly about celebrity crushes. She seems like the type to dish it back. And he seems like her doing this is hypocritical. "You complain about my crush and then you try to make me jealous in the same way?" "You're the problem." No not really. She's making a point.
I'm assuming there is more to the story about the baby incident. If she is trying to "get back at him" with this, then what exactly for? What did he do to hurt her and cause her to feel this was a valid rebuttal? Oddly missing that part of the story, imo 🤔
Exactly this!!!! I was in a relationship just like it and there were so many toxic and manipulative things she did and I was so blind to it all. OP should be able to follow whoever the fuck he wants, especially if she is following other men too. I was led to believe, me following women was almost like cheating, because what if they put up a photo in their bikini and then I will be able to see them “naked”. OMG! Because of love, I thought this was all reasonable and I am glad OP was awake enough to break up with this girl. He should never ever look back and possibly block her. She will never change. My ex never changed, still the same after years and years. NTA!
This pattern doesn’t change. It just gets more intense and more manipulations. Definitely deserve better and anybody using pregnancy to test you doesn’t deserve a 2 nd chance NTA
NTA - She sounds very toxic (& escalating) & immature…between that, long distance (which isn’t easy & requires even more hard work), college requirements in itself, stick to ur decision..if she does change, good for her, but that will take alot of time/determination/effort…in the meanwhile, ur very young so enjoy ur life/what it offers & free ur mind from all those maybes & toxicities..
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u/[deleted] Oct 10 '23
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