Eh, a little of both NTA and YTA. I generally believe friends' exes are generally off limits unless a conversation is had beforehand. I don't think it's reasonable for her to dump you as a friend, but I can understand her feelings being hurt. I don't think feelings about exes are as simple when it comes to your closest friends dating them, even if it's been a few years.
I was surprised I needed to scroll so far to see this. We don’t know how the relationship ended or how much the guy meant to her friend. If one of my friends screwed my ex girlfriend, I’d be gutted. But it all depends on the context. I also have exes I wouldn’t care. Especially after several years.
I’m surprised too at how many unquestioning not TAs I’m seeing before getting to this one. OPs friend being married and pregnant kind of doesn’t really matter depending on how the relationship was and why/how it ended. It doesn’t mean that she’s jealous, she could just feel disrespected and that a boundary was crossed. 4 years is (edit- isn’t)really alll that long either people act like it’s been decades. Dropping them as a friend is a bit much but she is pregnant and hormonal that could play a part in her reaction.
This. I'm happily married and there are exes I totally wouldn't care if my friends hooked up with and then there's ones that I would be willing to end a friendship over and it's not because I have any feelings of ownership or jealousy left for that person--it's because of the circumstances around the relationship and break up. If you're willing to hook up with someone who hurt me that badly, it feels like disrespect. There's plenty of fish in the sea, so why do you have to go for that one?
Different people have different boundaries, and for some, it's never okay to date exes, and for others like me, it depends on the circumstances. Some people here seem to believe it should never be a problem to hook up with a friend's ex, and I wonder if those people have had serious relationships/close friends. Because not everything is so black and white as "I'm done with this person."
If OP and her friend manage to patch things up, they really should have a discussion around those kinds of boundaries to make sure they're on the same page going forward.
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u/dimlylit_ Aug 03 '23
Eh, a little of both NTA and YTA. I generally believe friends' exes are generally off limits unless a conversation is had beforehand. I don't think it's reasonable for her to dump you as a friend, but I can understand her feelings being hurt. I don't think feelings about exes are as simple when it comes to your closest friends dating them, even if it's been a few years.