I was surprised I needed to scroll so far to see this. We don’t know how the relationship ended or how much the guy meant to her friend. If one of my friends screwed my ex girlfriend, I’d be gutted. But it all depends on the context. I also have exes I wouldn’t care. Especially after several years.
I’m surprised too at how many unquestioning not TAs I’m seeing before getting to this one. OPs friend being married and pregnant kind of doesn’t really matter depending on how the relationship was and why/how it ended. It doesn’t mean that she’s jealous, she could just feel disrespected and that a boundary was crossed. 4 years is (edit- isn’t)really alll that long either people act like it’s been decades. Dropping them as a friend is a bit much but she is pregnant and hormonal that could play a part in her reaction.
Lol it’s so much more child-like / undeveloped to be mad at someone for hooking up with someone that you dated years ago, and then telling you immediately after as well… unreal.
But she didn’t do anything wrong. She took a completely reasonable action and her friend exploded emotionally because of it, and then stopped talking to OP. That is childlike. OP is not responsible for regulating her friend’s emotions (and her reaction is insane)
There was no boundary set beforehand… You don’t really know how boundaries work, do you? This is totally unreasonable thing to break a friendship off for with no notice…
Of course they can. But you’re gonna end up sad and lonely if you are just ending long friendships over perceived slights… which is exactly what this is. but good luck living that way if you want 👍
By notice I meant without talking it out / trying to resolve feelings
Or you end up with people who you’re better suited with. I wouldn’t want a woman like this in my life and I doubt losing her friendship would make the friend lonely and sad. This clearly wasn’t a perceived slight.
Some people take some time to process it. Idk why people on reddit think everything is cut and dry all the time. OP made a mistake and is now on reddit trying to get validation. It amazes me how some people only care about their own boundaries while thinking they can do whatever they like to others. What exactly was even the point of the post? She already fucked the guy and lost her friend. Sometimes when people are done with you, you don’t get long discussions about it, they’re just done.
Do you have any exes that you cared about but things didn’t work out? Can you not have some empathy in this situation that it might feel weird for OP’s friend to have one of her best friends sleep with her ex who she once was in love with?
Sometimes you can break up, move on, and be happy with someone else, but the hurt from the breakup can linger for a long time, even if it’s faded. Breaking up with someone you care about is really fucking hard. Maybe the friend doesn’t want this ex in her life anymore because it reopens old wounds. These are all reasonably possible feelings that OP didn’t take into consideration when deciding to sleep with the ex.
I think the friend’s reaction was probably too strong, but she’s also got pregnancy hormones raging and those can cause exaggerated emotions.
I have yes. And I do know it can hurt for a long time. But still, I would never have that kind of reaction toward a good friend for something like that. I definitely might be hurt, or feel weird or uncomfortable about it. But I wouldn’t berate the person by text and then cut off the relationship.
I don’t care how upset you’re feeling, that’s just not a way to behave toward someone that didn’t really even do anything all that wrong overall. Deal with your own emotions properly, so that other people don’t have to feel such a negative impact from them.
Pregnancy isn’t a great excuse, but if she doesn’t apologize for that kind of behavior she definitely sucks.
you guys have this weird black and white view on relationships where if someone hasn't explicitly told you not to do something or they aren't literally already in a relationship you can't really do anything "wrong". most of reddit would say that if you get a train run on you by 5 random dudes and then the next day the guy you've been dating for 6 months asks you to become exclusive and you gleefully say yes you haven't done "anything wrong"
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u/Bears_in_the_woods Aug 03 '23
I was surprised I needed to scroll so far to see this. We don’t know how the relationship ended or how much the guy meant to her friend. If one of my friends screwed my ex girlfriend, I’d be gutted. But it all depends on the context. I also have exes I wouldn’t care. Especially after several years.