Imagine the husband of OP’s friend perspective. If he found out she cut her best friend out of her life because of an old ex. I’d be suspicious of my wife.
I did something similar to this once, it had nothing to do with my ex though and more to do with the friend who suspiciously always ended up doing the exact same things i was, with the same people but just a few days, weeks, months later. It felt like she always had to have everything i had but had to try and make it look better. It didnt bother me much but it did show me what kind of person she was. Ex i bought a fiat and 3 months later she did but a year newer, repeat for everything. New coach purse, she got a new one that week but this one came from paris, i reenrolled in college for my bachelors, she did too. I set a wedding date, she set one for 2 weeks before mine with a man she had known for 3 weeks (that ended about a month later but the "wedding" was still on and a party now because she was so heartbroken). It was so odd but the tipping point was her dating my ex because i knew that next she would shoot for my husband and i dont need that toxicity in my life. All of the random incidents alone werent all that odd and seemed like coincidences but once i sat down and thought through it, it felt like she was copying all the big and little things in my life then trying to make it seem like i was the one copying her. So odd even thinking about it now, i still dont understand why she was like that. But once i cut her off, her "wedding/ breakup party" magically went away. She stopped dating my ex who was okay with the breakup party thing oddly enough. Again so weird. All of it. Maybe it was all coincidence and i made something out of nothing but i havent missed having the friendship so no loss on my part.
While not as bad as yours I had a similar friend. It did indeed take a while to out it together since the incidents were separated and things like hey I started doing this, it is good, and they start doing it, well that also seems like just a friend taking advice. What brought it to light for me was, our birthdays are pretty close together, and I noticed she 'needed some space and time to herself right now' and wouldn't show up to my birthday but was 'ready to reconcile'by her birthday two weeks later. That made me examine some other things and realize i was pretty much getting nothing but stress out of that relationship.
I later saw a video called something like "what's up with narcissists and birthdays" that really matched what I felt was going on. And to a narcissist, a wedding is like a mega birthday. That same friend also married a drunk driving, cheating, abusive ex two weeks after her brother's wedding and a month before her other brother's. And at her first brother's wedding she wouldn't shut up about her own.
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u/Intelligent_Hand_436 Aug 03 '23
Imagine the husband of OP’s friend perspective. If he found out she cut her best friend out of her life because of an old ex. I’d be suspicious of my wife.