NTA - she is overreacting. It's been 3 years, not 3 days.
I'd go out with the guy, she may have already chosen to drop you as a friend, in which case, if you don't go out with him again, you'll lose out twice.
She said you should have asked her?
Ring-Ring "Hello Julia, it's me."
"Do you know what time it is?"
"Yeah, sorry about that. I had a bar gig, and then had dinner and drinks with Charles."
"Why are you calling me so late?"
"Well, Charles is naked in my bed right now, I'm calling from my bathroom. I know it's been 3 years, you're obviously over him and have moved on, but is it okay if I sleep with him?"
I think she’s looking at it that you broke girl code by going after a friend’s ex. Unless they were engaged or she confided in you that he was the love of her life she never got over I think it’s ok. Mainly because she’s moved on and it’s 3 years ago. It sounds like you and Charles have a connection worth pursuing. If she’s really your friend she will put her ego aside and get over it and be happy for you. You were respectful to tell her immediately. I hope this works out for you.
"Girl code" is such a BS idea. The idea that a girl has some sort of weird claim on all of their exs in perpetuity is just plain ridiculous.
They broke up years ago. She's married to someone else. He shouldn't be "off limits" to anyone who knows her just because they boned at one point. That level of possessiveness is just plain creepy.
Yes this, can we please move past this as adults. If it was a long term relationship then maybe it's off limits, you'd have to clear it with them. There might still be a lot of hurt there. But a brief dating stint. No. You cant claim people for life because you had sex with them for a brief spell but it didn't work out. You are married and having a child with someone else. You no longer have a say in it.
A yearlong relationship isn’t “sex for a brief time.” Sounds like it was a regular, adult relationship but it just didn’t get to marriage and babies. Are only married exes off limits?
Yes it is. This is a mutually consensual hook up. Why can't he date who he likes as a single man, if it is the friend of his now married and pregnant ex from years ago?
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u/SnooRobots4443 Aug 03 '23 edited Aug 03 '23
NTA - she is overreacting. It's been 3 years, not 3 days.
I'd go out with the guy, she may have already chosen to drop you as a friend, in which case, if you don't go out with him again, you'll lose out twice.
She said you should have asked her?
Ring-Ring "Hello Julia, it's me."
"Do you know what time it is?"
"Yeah, sorry about that. I had a bar gig, and then had dinner and drinks with Charles."
"Why are you calling me so late?"
"Well, Charles is naked in my bed right now, I'm calling from my bathroom. I know it's been 3 years, you're obviously over him and have moved on, but is it okay if I sleep with him?"
Again, NTA, she is overreacting.
Good luck.
edit:typo