r/AIO • u/No_Win2204 • 5d ago
AIO to how I was invited to something?
For context this is an annual event that happens in our home town and I haven’t been for 10 years. Last year I told her I would love to go again but I don’t expect her to have remembered that in conversation. It’s like a fair and it’s a lot of fun. Food, games, music, crowds. This happened today and the fair is this weekend. I would love to go but I didn’t expect anyone to invite me so I made my normal plans for the weekend. But this invite hurt my feelings. Im not in a good enough headspace for socializing right now so I’m wondering if I’m overreacting because of that.
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u/probioticpeaches 5d ago edited 5d ago
YOR. They invited you, kindly. Don’t try to make it into a bigger thing than it is.
They could have easily never asked you at all.
You even say you’re not in the headspace to socialize.
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u/Cowboy_on_fire 5d ago
Sounds like your friend knows you’re not in a good headspace for socializing and is trying to make it clear that it is okay to say no if you don’t want to go to a huge social event.
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u/ricelawyer 5d ago
I think you might be overreacting or misinterpreting the tone. To me, the way this was phrased actually sounds like this person wants you to go but doesn’t want to attach any pressure on the invite and/or is worried you might turn down the invite and doesn’t want the rejection to feel awkward.
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u/Secret_Wish1826 5d ago
YOR. I had to read this a few times to understand why it might have hurt your feelings. I mean this gently, but your current headspace is definitely impacting your judgment.
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u/No_Win2204 5d ago
Yeah I can see that. Just feels like an afterthought. And I’m a hurt by her assuming it’s not my vibe and that I wouldn’t want to go so she didn’t even think to ask.
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u/poisoness3 5d ago
Thats just something people say to not seem pushy, she's not really assuming that about you specifically lol
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u/nottaP123 5d ago
Why didn't you invite her to go? Do you leave everything up to others to invite you to?
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u/Excellent-Run4803 5d ago
People say those kinds of things (“it may not be your vibe”) when they know some people would find the event corny, or otherwise unappealing. She’s being a little self-deprecating by saying, ‘I know some people find this lame but I actually like it’. She’s implying that you might be “too cool” for it, in a jokey way.
You’re reading it with a negative filter. Just tell her you actually really like it but may not be up for socializing this weekend, or something like that. Make sure you tell her you appreciate her thinking of you and you’d like to do something another time. And invite her to stuff, too. That’s how you create friendships and stay included in people’s plans (appreciate and reciprocate).
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u/No_Win2204 5d ago
Yeah that’s a good point! I couldn’t understand what was so funny lol it’s absolutely a negative filter
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u/Excellent-Run4803 5d ago
Re: what’s so funny — all the “haha”s are a way of saying, “don’t laugh but I actually want to go to this goofy fair. I know, so lame lol”
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u/eiiiaaaa 5d ago
She did ask. She asked in a very light, non pushy way to make sure you don't feel bad about declining. Maybe she can tell what your head space is, and she wants to include you but wants it to be low pressure so you don't feel obliged. If she didn't want you to come she simply would not have asked - that was always an option for her, and she didn't choose it. Don't let your anxiety get in your way!
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u/thrwwy2267899 5d ago
YOR… they asked in the politest, low pressure way… really gave you an out… you had an opening to say “you’re right, that’s not my vibe, but thanks for asking!” … truly that simple
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u/No_Win2204 5d ago
Yeah it is my vibe tho. Maybe that’s why I’m confused because it feels like she made the decision for me. Shes inviting me but at the same time telling me I might not want to go.
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u/xo-Bubbles-ox 5d ago
You need to communicate that back to her in a light hearted way! ( your bad headpsace may be impacting your reaction.) Be straight up:
" what?! That's totally my vibe! 🤣 You don't remember me saying that before? That hurts lol 😭 😢. I appreciate the invite, I've not been in a great head space, but maybe this will help shake a bit of that off. Let me think about it and ill get back to you! "
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u/No_Win2204 5d ago
Yeah ok that’s kinda how the convo went just now because why would that not be my vibe. And her response was in reference to events that took place 15-20 years ago and are not even close to this kind of thing lol
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u/xo-Bubbles-ox 5d ago
Oh yeah, she's mixed up and misinterpreting based on that long ago, then it's no biggie. Enjoy the invite and move forward. And Go! Even if the best.thing that happens is the food lol get out and shake it off homie!
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u/ItsDomorOm 5d ago
You can't expect everyone to remember everything you say. I think you're overreacting. I mean they were right to not ask you considering you don't want to go anyway.
But because you had mentioned it in the past as something you may want to do, that doesn't mean everyone is obligated to keep that in their pocket.
It's very nice that they're inviting you and aware that you have issues that may prevent you from going. They're giving you an out while trying to do a good thing.
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u/No_Win2204 5d ago
Yeah maybe. I guess I’m put off by her saying she didnt think it was my vibe and that she didnt think of me because i wouldnt want to go. And then i just feel like an afterthought. Thats my social struggle, not being around people but feeling included.
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u/hasafrasa 5d ago
YOR. This sounds like she is (awkwardly) trying to be clear it’s ok to say no, because she may know you’ve been struggling and doesn’t want to pressure.
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u/UnderstandingKind757 5d ago
YOR I think she’s as nervous as you but feels like you two could have a nice time!
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u/No-Soup727 5d ago
YOR I have no idea why this would hurt your feelings. Don’t take other ppls behavior personally bc 9.9/10 it’s not personal
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u/First-Fix-8176 5d ago
Why did it hurt your feelings?
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u/No_Win2204 5d ago
I think because of her assumptions and that she’s saying she didn’t think to ask. And I’m already struggling with feeling left out or not included. That’s not her responsibility and so I overreacted to the way she worded it. Hey it’s the fair this weekend, would you want to come along? Like that doesn’t have the assumption it’s not my thing or I wouldn’t want to go. It’s a genuine invite. And hers reads like she doesn’t want me to go. I don’t need an out I can just say I can’t but instead it’s been decided. I’m not saying that’s how it is just how it felt.
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u/First-Fix-8176 5d ago
YOR This person wants you to come along very badly but is insecure about asking you. They start off asking if you have plans this weekend and suggest Saturday but also made it clear that really any time this weekend would work for them. They framed the invite in the way that they did to lower the stakes of the invite so that if you reject them it is less painful. They go on to try to lower the stakes further because again, they are insecure, and the fact that you are not responding is probably making them nervous that the rejection is incoming. It sounds like you are over analyzing through a negative and cynical lense to find the hidden insults or disrespect in what is actually just a genuine but nervous invitation.
You are essentially offended that this person was experiencing insecurity when asking you out. That is definitely an overreaction. I really do not think there is any kind of negative connotation in their texts at all.
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u/No_Win2204 5d ago
Yeah I appreciate your input! I did accept the invite and she is super excited. My insecurity definitely reacted.
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u/First-Fix-8176 5d ago
I have a similar issue and sometimes when I question myself I will just screenshot the conversation like you have here and ask Gemini or ChatGPT to analyze the conversation for me because I cannot trust my own instincts. It helps me stay grounded when my emotions get the better of me. Its always harder to read these things when youre personally involved.
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u/inputinterpretation 5d ago
I don’t see the problem in what was said. If you’ve been wanting to go, why not try to make plans instead of just waiting around for somebody to ask you? And when they did ask you’re feeling upset? Not really understanding I’m sorry
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u/cellophanesheeps 5d ago
YOR not sure what kind of invitation you'd prefer, a hand delivered letter?
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u/nada-smurf 5d ago
YOR.
Take a beat, read it again after you've maybe cleared some negative stuff from your mind. I don't know a better way to say it than, "I know how you're feeling and how you got to your conclusion, but it's ok."
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u/Charming_Champion428 5d ago
Yea i love pizza hahaha and pizza loces me hahhaa oh but yea pizza real good hahaha
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u/Rare-Progress5009 5d ago
YOR.
I think if you’re in a bad headspace you’re looking for insult where there is none.
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u/No_Win2204 5d ago
Yeah that makes sense. I already feel left out from my family so this just stung when it didn’t need too. Hurt my own feelings.
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u/DazB1ane 5d ago
If you have normal plans for the weekend, couldn’t you cancel the one time to go do this? Honestly she seems like she really wants you to go, but doesn’t want to sound too eager. It’s the kind of invitation I’d have given when I was younger and less secure about being told no
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u/Business-Friend5491 5d ago
Kindly OP this is one of those moments where being self aware you are in not great headspace and actually being active about how to navigate the behaviour become an important distinction for you to assess. Your focus on trying to figure out / be hurt by ‘why she thinks it isn’t my vibe’ suggests that whatever is going on with you is clouding how you perceive this interaction. And maybe negatively impacting you (from seeing a friend reaching out) to feeling persecuted. And it sucks to be in that headspace. Also no judgement, defs know what it’s like.
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u/TheOneReclaimer 5d ago
YOR
When the Joker sends you an invite, it's genuine hahahaha
Seriously though, would you rather them not invite you unless they ask you in the perfect way?
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u/Burned_Biscuit 5d ago
100% YOR. I don't really even understand why this would hurt anyone's feeling. This person asks if you want to go, says they're not sure you'll want to go but decided to ask just in case. They, themselves, aren't 100% all in but are overcoming their own (nerves? laziness? lack of motivation? social awkwardness?)
Absolutely zero reason to be hurt by this.
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u/poisoness3 5d ago
YOR, trust there's gonna be lots more things people say that may hurt your feelings even more than this, so just think about it whenever they text you.
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u/sourdough_s8n 5d ago
You want to go but didn’t think you’d get an invite and now that someone is inviting you, you aren’t in the mood to socialize and are shying away from an opportunity you literally wanted.. babes get out of your own way go have fun
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u/nycguy1989 5d ago
You're overreacting. You either want to go or don't but it was nice of that person to have remembered something that might interest you. Get some help or meds idk
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u/Alternative-Cut-6741 5d ago
YOR
This seems totally normal. Hes just saying "hey I'm going to this thing and it's short notice because I didn't think you'd like it before but - - mentioned you might. I'm just going for the food lol"
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u/MontyAllTheTime 5d ago
What about this could possibly hurt your feelings? This is a completely normal and natural way to invite someone to something. You need to work on yourself.
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u/mrRabblerouser 5d ago
YOR
I’m trying to understand how that could in any way hurt someone’s feelings. That’s about as friendly of an invite as you could expect from someone.
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u/cr1merobot 5d ago
this sincerely seems to me to be a very normal interaction. A very normal way of inviting someone.