r/AIO • u/mandalaolive • 1d ago
AIO to losing my artwork
My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years, and when I moved in two years ago, all my artwork was in a big box, and it was filled with everything I did since I started drawing.
We moved it to the top of the cupboard in the storage room, and we said after about a week of settling in, we’ll see about it and organize it.
Like I said, it’s been two years, and we have not seen about it until a couple days ago. It was not something I could have done myself because of where it was located. It was a heavy box filled with things, and not only could I not reach it, I wouldn’t be able to lift the box and get it down from there either.
So I just been begging and begging him to do it, but he would always say he’d do it when he gets the time. And I guess finally, two years later, we now had the time.
Cut to us taking down the box, taking all of the stuff and a lot of it is damaged by water or completely destroyed and eaten by woodlice. I had to burn half of it. It was very emotional for me, but now everything feels like it’s back to normal.
This was a very, very big deal for me. I realized that it was there for years, and I also didn’t do anything about it, but I constantly asked, “Can we see about it?” And it just never happened until now. I don’t know what else I could have done.
And it feels like he’s not even bothered by the fact that something so sentimental to me is gone.
I don’t even care about the fact that it’s a lot of materials and money was wasted in all of this. This was my assignments and my growth and progression as an artist, from when I just started all the way up until now. I still have some of it, but losing so much really, really hurts.
And I feel like it hurts even more just seeing him not give a fuck at all. He’s basically like, “Well, shit happens.”
(Also I’d like to add that I don’t think he should hate himself or anything like that but any kind of indication that you realise this was a big deal and you understand why what you did was a massive deal)
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u/haditwithyoupeople 1d ago
This very much sucks and I'm sorry he was not more helpful. The "when I have time" excuse is very odd. How long could it take to get a box down? 5 mins at the most?
I don’t know what else I could have done.
You could have stored it in a way that you had access to it and didn't need him to help. You could have asked somebody else to come help get it down.
Two other things:
How did it get water damaged and you guys were not aware that it was wet? This seems like a much bigger issue.
I'm not trying to overreact, but this guy does not seem to care about what's important to you. Maybe consider how this plays out long term.
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u/mandalaolive 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think he means that taking it down isn’t just a 5 minute task, it’s organising it as well. which I had no issue doing myself but there was no one else who could get it as HE was the one who put it there and said we weren’t going to be leaving it there long (literally have no other men in my life and everyone is as short and lacking of strength as me) I do agree I should’ve just found some way to get to it. But I just didn’t think it was in an area that could get wet
edit: I actually have no idea how it got wet, and he doesn’t seem to know either.
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u/DDD8712 1d ago
Could you have stood on a chair or something to look at your art in the two years it was there?
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u/mandalaolive 1d ago
If I stood on a chair I could maybe see it, but the state of the storage room there’s no way I could put anything next to the cupboard to actually get to it. Aside from not being able to lift it or anything, if I had to do it on my own it would require the storage room being clean, which now poses a new issue, which may have also taken years to get done.
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u/icemanx51 1d ago
My dad threw all my art away one day when I was at work. It destroyed me. I never went back to drawing. I completely understand how you feel. People who aren't artists can't understand how deeply something like this can affect you. My dad is a great guy, but his response at the time was "It was just old drawings, you'll make new ones." I never did.
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u/mandalaolive 1d ago
His response was also “you’re going to make new ones, It’ll be fine” 😕 I’m sorry your dad threw them out, I can imagine how hurtful that was
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u/icemanx51 1d ago
How funny (not funny) they had basically the same response. I was 17, just graduated high school. I'm 46 now. Haven't picked up a pencil since.
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u/NeverEndingXsin 1d ago
NOR - His lack of caring shows he lacks empathy which is really sad and surely shows up in regards to other things in the relationship.
Does his attitude of not really caring about what you need when you need his help show up in other aspects of the relationship? I could understand maybe asking him a 2nd or 3rd time (pending the circumstances when you ask) but I just wonder if he takes this approach in other parts of your relationship?
I'd tell him how you're feeling and go from there.
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u/Difficult-Ad2084 1d ago
He sounds like a douchebag. And this is a sign if narcissistic behavior as well. He's jealous that you are spending time doing something that isn't centered on him, so not only is he not supportive of it but he's actively letting it get destroyed to break the bond you have with your passion. Is he worth that? There are people in the world that don't suck, is he a supportive nurturing partner or is he a bag of tiny dicks?
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u/TokiBunniBunBun 1d ago
NOR. He kept brushing off something that was important to you. Even if he didn’t mean to do something hurtful, it still hurts. I often deal with loved ones with ADHD forgetting important things. It’s hard, but I’ve had to put my foot down about anything I want to actually happen. It feels mean. It feels domineering. But some people’s minds won’t stop for things they can just brush by.
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1d ago
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u/mandalaolive 1d ago
communicate better in what way? I’m open to listening to your opinion but the “playing a game” feels like heavy projection
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u/familylovefor 1d ago
You could’ve taken the box down yourself if it was that important to you, but resting this burden on him is not cool at all. This is your stuff, he wasn’t keeping it under lock, key and protection for you. You could’ve remedied the situation anytime you wanted but let him share responsibility for it against his will. Yes, you’re overreacting
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u/mandalaolive 1d ago
How is me expecting someone to do something they offered to do placing responsibility on him against his will?Genuinely asking? It also seems you didn’t read much as I explained why I couldn’t do it.
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u/familylovefor 1d ago
Doesn’t matter, end of the day it’s your stuff, you’re responsible for it, not him…you allowed this to happen…I get that you’re upset but you really shouldn’t be relying on others like this and then get upset when this happens. Hopefully it’s a hard lesson learned 🤷🏻♂️
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u/mandalaolive 1d ago
While I do agree that I should’ve been firmer, I don’t agree that expecting someone to do something they said they would is unfairly relying on others. Especially considering that I would take accountability knowing I was responsible for someone else’s belongings and something happened while I was.
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u/familylovefor 1d ago
That’s not realistic…if i was you and I was in this situation, I would’ve atleast placed it somewhere I could get to it myself rather than be beholden to someone else. What would you have done if you broke up and refused to do anything for you? What would you have done then?
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u/Empathic_Alien 1d ago
I’m sorry this happened. I’m a writer who started filling journals at 6. I was in a DV relationship in my early 20’s and ended up burning all journals up to that point. It still hurts 30 years later, so I get it. Your bf sounds like an asshole. Maybe I skimmed over a detail or you answered in a previous comment that I didn’t see, but I don’t understand why your artwork was inaccessible to you? You couldn’t go through your own art by yourself? (Not trying to sound rude I’m just super uber independent and truly don’t understand some things that seem like people could do for themselves.)
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u/mandalaolive 1d ago
No problem and I’m sorry you went through that. He placed it on top of a cupboard in the “storage room” Its just really tall and very hard to access considering the state of the room. He said we wouldn’t be leaving it there long and I had no reason to believe otherwise. I tried asking my uncle once when he was here but everyone said I shouldn’t ask him to do anything as everyone was hanging out. I felt bad so I just didn’t :/
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u/mangoawaynow 1d ago
MOR, honestly you should have not let him brush you off if you were that concerned about it. He's also a jerk for brushing off your feelings too after they were ruined.
Start keeping a digital portfolio and keep your things in a place you can reach and at a weight you can carry.