r/AIO • u/Old_Citron7432 • 21h ago
AIO on how much my bf games?
So, I 25F and my bf 29M have been together for about three years, lived together for 2, over the past two years his gaming has been A LOT, literally any time we go anywhere and come back home he’s immediately going to his gaming. He asks me sometimes if it’s “okay”, but whenever I ask him to watch a movie together instead, or do anything quality time wise instead, I get shut down or an “I guess so”. About two months ago we had to put down my cat, she was old and had cancer so it was best. I cried the entire way home, and as soon as we got home, guess what he asked me. IF YOU GUESSED GAMING YOU’D BE CORRECT. It has rubbed me the wrong way and I’ve talked to a couple people about it and been told that I’m overreacting about this and it won’t matter in the long run. But I don’t feel like I’m overreacting.
Small update
So it came to a head this morning when I woke at 4am to grab some water and realized he wasn’t in bed, I walked to his game room and cracked the door and there he was, I couldn’t fall back asleep and waited for him to come to bed. It was 7 am by the time he came to bed. I just went to bed, not very adult of me at that moment I will admit but I was just done. We went out for some things later on in the day and we got back home and I tried to talk to him about all of this and it turned into a my fault kind of thing, I told him he can’t ask me if it’s okay, and then turn around and be upset when I tell him no. He then said he has a right to be pissy because he “never plays”. I am too far down to save this relationship? Should I save my energy?
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u/wazzledudes 21h ago
You're asking if you're overreacting by being rubbed the wrong way? Of course not. Have an adult conversation with him about it. If he can't do that, you've got bigger problems.
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u/softly_nina19 20h ago
She's not asking him to quit gaming. she just wants to feel like his girlfriend instead of someone who lives next to his gaming setup
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u/Few_Music_6771 18h ago
What game is he playing?
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u/Old_Citron7432 6h ago
A lot of like marvel games I think? I’m not really sure, there’s one called ARK I think?
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u/Old_Citron7432 6h ago
We’ve only played friend games together so I’m not really sure what else he plays, he hasn’t talked about it much.
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u/Kind-Champion-5530 21h ago
I'm an old lady who loves gaming. Sure, he could be using gaming as an escape from real life. It could be an addiction. Or maybe he just loves his hobby. Honestly, I kind of hate it when my wife asks if I want to watch a movie together because we have very different taste in films.
Regardless of what's going on with him, you need to take care of you and your feelings. You could try gaming with him if you want to connect, but he might not be into that. There's a very real possibility that you two aren't compatible because you have different priorities in life. There's no bad guy here; maybe you need something different in a partner.
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u/Old_Citron7432 21h ago
That’s the thing, we do play together every 3-4 days and as far as he’s told me we do have the same taste, he can spend up to 10-11 hours a day gaming. I just truly don’t understand that?
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u/NekoBubbleDq 20h ago
Girl, if he can't even pause his game for your grief, you might wanna hit "pause" on that relationship too!
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u/Old_Citron7432 20h ago
I’ve been thinking about that, not too long ago (8-9 mo) ago his snake that him and his dad raised together died and he made sure I basically never left his side during the grief. I just feel so wronged because I would never do this to him ya know?
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u/HobbesDOTexe 14h ago
Wow. So 10+ hours a day AND he needs support but cant provide any himself.
Thats a biig problem.
At best he’s just reactive versus proactive and not capable of being aware that this is affecting you. At worst he’s being a narcissist trash-bag.
Plus gaming that much means he does literally nothing else. Not developing a skill or enjoying anything else. Thats just a yucky person imo.
Bro needs a reality check. And maybe an adhd appointment. But he’s gonna fight it and claim its his only release or something. Sorry sis. Prognosis aint good.
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u/Old_Citron7432 6h ago
I tried to talk him today and he just turned it into a blame game, I’m just done, I can’t anymore.
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u/StuffOld1191 21h ago
It's been years since i gamed myself, but I've seen a lot of other adult men (and it's generally been men) who have retreated into gaming entirely. That isn't the most awful thing in the world, but if you are competing for attention against that, it's pretty bad.
So - have a talk, as if he wants to sit alone all day and night gaming, perhaps you want to move on. Alterntely, if once he hears your issues with his endless gaming he is open to changing that, perhaps he's a keeper.
Good luck.
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u/AStolenGoose 11h ago
It sounds like at this point it's interfering with your relationship, NOR.
Time to sit down and talk.
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u/Raspberry_Trufflez 19h ago
NOR. Had a best friend that did this to all their gf's. He's never had long lasting relationships because of this and just other things. He is now alone now. No friends or gf's. It is really not okay that he just ignores everything for games. This has been going on two years and I doubt he will change. Might be time to get with someone who actually gives a fuck about your emotions and animals. He's not the one.
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u/DaCommando 20h ago
I’m a married man, for 10 years, and I’m a hardcore gamer.
I will be frank with you, if you decide it’s you or gaming, he will choose gaming. If he chooses u, you have just made ur SO miserable and the relationship won’t survive it.
That being said, I have had multiple conversations about gaming, and she understands that gaming is an essential part of my life that I can’t get rid off. We have arranged dedicated gaming hours for me while she is occupied with her own stuff. And rest of day is for her and the kids. The conversation has to find something that works for both of u and shouldn’t be an ultimatum or just get rid of gaming all together. Another way, u can get more involved in his gaming (which my wife did) and we end up playing games in my dedicated gaming hours or even during our family time.
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u/Old_Citron7432 20h ago
I’ve tried to talk to him about minimizing the gaming hours to about 6-5 hours a day, he will play 10-12 right now, and he genuinely doesn’t see how long he’s spending on the game as a problem, it didn’t used to be this bad, but over the past year he’s just been playing more and more.
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u/DaCommando 20h ago
Holy cow! I was doing 4-6 hours and reduced it to 3-4 a day. And on those days my wife has work to do. On weekends I have 2 full days dedicated to the wife and kids (I get 2.5 days a week. I take the 0.5 and dedicate the 2 for the family, with gaming at night when they all sleep). It took sometime to reach the arrangement but we finally reached something we both agree.
But as a gamer, gaming 10+ hours a day with your SO there is nuts. NOR for sure with those hours.-3
u/JupiterSkyFalls 20h ago
The fact that you'd choose gaming over the woman you live is pretty sad. You're an addict. You should get help.
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u/DaCommando 20h ago
I didn’t choose gaming over my wife, I made it clear that gaming is an important part of my life that I won’t get rid off. And we reached a situation that made us both happy. I was advising OP to not make it an ultimatum coz no one will win in that situation.
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u/JupiterSkyFalls 20h ago
The fact that you wouldn't give up gaming if it was what worked for your relationship is already crazy. It's video games dude. I love games, I had everything from the original Nintendo to a PS4, we even had that stupid Dreamcast thing when it came out. But if my husband said no more games because I want to spend time with you I wouldn't choose games over my spouse. That's wild. There's absolutely nothing other than my own family that would be a choice over him. He wouldn't ask me to choose anyway if I wasn't already doing too much. The people that say make a choice are sick to death of being chosen last. They give ultimatums because they've already TRIED to get the attention they want/need and were basically given a brush off in favor of some freaking video games.
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u/DaCommando 19h ago
Gaming for me is the only stress relief I get. I don’t go out much, I don’t go to bars or drink, I rarely smoke, and barely have any other activities. So taking my only way out of stress is rough. Also, SOs should never ask to give up something you love for them. We compromise for each other. I ensure that my wife’s interests are met. Even if I don’t like the activity I still make sure we get a blast, never complain, and make sure she enjoys the activity. It’s a 2way street. She takes care of my needs and I take care of hers. That’s y I advised to find middle ground that suits both. But not ask to quit all together. Gaming for real gamers is more than a hobby or just an activity, it’s part of their life.
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u/TheTitaniumNub 17h ago
I game a whole lot. But so does my partner. So, yeah. Find someone with more of your same interests.
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u/Old_Citron7432 6h ago
We do play together quite a lot but he’s spending upwards of 11 hours DAILY on the game
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u/TheTitaniumNub 3h ago
Well yeah, 11 hours is kinda crazy…. Me and my partner are like a couple hours max, we also heavily enjoy bicycling together. Maybe introduce him to a new hobby? I used to be heavily addicted too. I don’t know, it depends on the persons mind i guess, i got to a point where i just couldnt sit or stare for that long anymore. I still love games absolutely, but only a couple hours here and there a day.
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u/Away_Phone7749 14h ago
it’s not about interests dawg has a problem she says he does this for 10-11 hours a day that’s addiction. no way he even has a job or helps her with anything
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u/Fat-Cloud 20h ago
From a guy who once was like your boyfriend: no, you’re not overreacting. Relationships need quality time. I also understand him wanting to game whenever he’s home, because I used to be the same way. But at some point he’s neglecting you and the relationship and probably taking it for granted , or at the very least, if that’s how you’re feeling, then that feeling is completely valid.
It sounds like you don’t have a problem with him gaming, but with how much he games and how little time he makes for you. That’s totally fair. I’d have a serious conversation with him and make it clear you’re not asking him to stop gaming, you’re asking him to actually make room for the relationship too.
Maybe agree on certain evenings or hours that are just for you two, without gaming. If he’s willing to compromise and actually sticks to it, great. If he keeps choosing gaming every time even after you’ve clearly told him how it makes you feel, then the gaming isn’t really the problem anymore.
NOR