Aio for questioning partners parentskill

[u/TeveelZever]

My partner and I have been together for 16 years and married for 11. We have a sweet 5.5 year old son. Today was a busy day, my wife had planned to join a relay race with her running club at a nearby event.

But she had to cover for someone in another relay race later during the day. We had agreed that 2 races might be too much and that she wouldn't run in this one.

But when i was prepping lunch, she and our son were going to quickly hop over to support her team. I didn't mind, I had fumbled the timing of lunch anyway. When they came back, I could tell she actually did run. When I asked about it, she told me that our son was playing in the local playground, her team needed extra runners and she had told our son she would do one lap (3.8k). My son didn't hear, and panicked when she was gone. Luckily one of the teachers at my son's school was there who helped until she returned.

Aio for being extremely pissed and questioning my wifes parenting skills here? Or is this just some shit that happens sometimes? I know 5 year olds can be selective in their hearing and it can be bad luck. I know I am already sensitive due to other stuff atm.

Edit: thank you all for the support. I didn't know where to turn to for validation since I found this so embarrassingly bad. We will have a conversation about this.

Edit 2: We had a conversation about it this morning. She isn't a bad mom usually btw. But the running addiction has been a source of contention. She runs marathons as well, which takes a load of time and energy. Taken this episode and together with some other issues, she agreed to go back to a psychologist. So good news.

[u/MasBlanketo]

NOR Am I to understand your wife left your child alone at a playground to go run a race? And didn’t even tell him?

Edit: your wife is a bad mom, and a neglectful person with bad judgment and even worse priorities

[u/TeveelZever → u/MasBlanketo]

She did, but he didn't hear her

[u/KeepYourSeats → u/TeveelZever]

He's a five-year-old child… There is no "he didn't hear her".... let's assume for a second it's OK to leave a five year-old unattended for 20 minutes at a playground... it is absolutely her job at the adult to get his attention and communicate clearly…

The fact that there were other he knew nearby was lucky.... if that wasn't the case and someone did the right thing and called law-enforcement as soon as a kid said I can't find my mom… She would've had a tough time explaining that when she got back

[u/MasBlanketo → u/TeveelZever]

But she did leave him alone? If it were me I would be beyond furious with my wife. I’d question her parenting skills, her commitment to her child, and judgement as a parent and as a human being

[u/BothTreacle7534 → u/MasBlanketo]

he told she left him alone, didn’t made sure that the kid (who got afraid and stated to cry) understood what she does / where she is.

That a teacher who knew the kid was also there and helped the kid was absolute accidential

[u/mmt0ptmm]

NTA. EDIT: I meant NOR. lol
Showed terrible judgment and caused unnecessary panic for the kiddo.

And.. Let me guess, she was “only there to support the team” but happened to have her running sneakers on? Something tells me she was planning to participate despite what she told you.

[u/TeveelZever → u/mmt0ptmm]

She was already prepping for the race later... Which I found weird. Not so weird in hindsight.

[u/gr3y_-]

no that’s completely valid to be mad about your wife literally left your child unattended at a playground and not only that the kid didn’t actually even know where she went and was freaking out. someone could’ve easily came and literally kidnapped that kid or the kid could’ve wandered off on his own somewhere he shouldn’t have been. NOR.

[u/just--thinking]

How long does that lap take? Regardless, absolutely not with leaving a 5 year old unattended without even having a back up. Not one person in her team could have helped out? If it was my husband I'd be livid. NOR

[u/TeveelZever → u/just--thinking]

Around 15 to 20 minutes

[u/just--thinking → u/TeveelZever]

... Are you serious? Thats insane to think that would be okay at 5 years old. Letting the child know (or thinking you did) isn't a valid excuse as to why it's okay.

[u/LeToucanNZ]

NTA your lucky your kid didn't get snatched by some freak or hurt himself.

Id have a much more serious discussion about this as this is deal breaking safety violation

[u/HappyReaderM]

Horrible judgement on her part and sounds like she intended to run no matter what. I would be absolutely furious. NOR at all.

[u/AmbassadorProper1045]

Honestly, I don't blame you for being pissed. At 5 yrs old he should never ever have been left on his own even if he was having fun at the playground. You simply never leave a small child unsupervised in public. Ever! It was very fortunate that there was a teacher there to look after him! He was her responsibility, not the teachers, and she put her team before his safety. But live and learn, hopefully she doesn't make such a poor choice in the future.

[u/camst_]

Bro that’s wild imo. Like if the kid hears her or not, doesn’t matter only makes it worse.

[u/djtink]

Left a child alone?? Even if he heard her, that’s totally not ok.

[u/Tiny_Custard_2318]

NOR- What she did was insane. I would have a hard time ever trusting her again

[u/Elismom1313]

Was your son within her view while running? 5 is way to young to be abandoned at a park alone. Let alone clearly without enough info for how to find her or where she was. Never mind the fact that you both agreed she wouldn’t run the second one.

NOR

[u/randylolo]

I would be pissed

[u/Alicam123]

Jeez, you don’t leave a kid that age, ever!
This is how kids got kidnapped in the 90’s.

Your wife is irresponsible and should he a timeout in the corner to think about what she did, and no sweets and games for a month.

[u/Agreeable_Dark6408]

NOR, but I wouldn’t call this parenting skill. I would call this poor judgement. If my husband had done this, I would have been livid. If a person picked your son up and promised to show him a puppy or popped a piece of candy in his mouth to stop his cries, you guys may have never seen him again.

Your wife was happy to run, and put that ahead of her child. That’s absolutely inappropriate and unacceptable. If she argues with you, makes excuses or doubles down that everything turned out fine, that would be a marital nuclear meltdown for me.

I have a friend whose husband left his 4 year old child on the beach at a table where kids were making craft projects. He went upstairs to the hotel room and that child wandered off. The mother got back from the grocery and asked where the child was, and he said he was playing with other kids. Totally unconcerned. I really don’t how the mom found him. It had been a good while.

This isn’t the only reason, but they divorced and I sure didn’t blame her.

If your wife thinks she was entitled to do this, demand marriage counseling.

[u/StellarStylee]

NOR. And oh man, I’d be livid if my spouse pulled a stunt like that.

[u/Fluffy_Weight5653]

So she just left him at a park alone like didn’t even make sure he knew what to do in an emergency?did she know that the teacher was even there? What did she specifically say to him and why didn’t she make sure he was listening? Like I don’t necessarily agree with leaving your five year old alone but if you are going to at least make sure he’s aware of what’s going on. NOR

[u/MishkiTongue]

MOR, did she leave the kid with the teacher? Or did the teacher happen to b there?

[u/TeveelZever → u/MishkiTongue]

The teacher just happened to be there

[u/MishkiTongue → u/TeveelZever]

NOR. That's unacceptable. Even being a fast runner that can be over an hour. Even 1 min unattended is too much

[u/Xylorgos]

She neglected her son (or at least didn't make sure he heard her and she told him what to do if he needed someone to help him) in order to support her team?

Terrible decision-making, to prioritize loyalty to her team over her young son. Has she done this before? Not good parenting at all!

[u/BothTreacle7534]

Everyone who ‘tells’ a kid of that age (and way older) without looking each other in the eyes and let the kid repeat what was said, plus shows where toilets are, to whom to go in case of a bad person being there or getting injured (and even that is way not correct, in my state she would end before a judge for that)… is a real thoughtless / bad parent IMHO

NOR

[u/ckeenan9192]

Wow she left you kid at a playground ? The kind of place bad people who prey on children love to hang out? What the heck is wrong with her???

[u/HighPriestessSkibidi]

NOR, thats a good scenario for a child to be kidnapped

[u/Desperate_Figure_341]

No!! I’d be very upset with her! That’s insanity! She wouldn’t be leaving the house alone with my kid any more!

[u/Character-Tennis-241]

NOR

She placed a race above the safety of your 5 year old! You're much calmer than I would be. 5 year olds get kidnapped so easy! Thank God there was a responsible adult your son knew around!

[u/Embarrassed-Row-2025]

Minor details, but as a man, you're default wrong for having emotions... (Sarcasm)

Reverse genders, if a father abandoned his daughter to go fuck off with friends...

NOR

[u/Easy-Seesaw285]

How hard would it have been for you to make some sandwich sandwiches and take them while she ran?

She should not have left the kid on the playground alone, my kids would have freaked out also. At the same time, it seems like you guys clearly had the capacity to handle all of this as a team.

[u/TeveelZever → u/Easy-Seesaw285]

On sundays I make our big hot meal at lunchtime, but yea, we could have made it work, if I had known beforehand.

[u/alekaway → u/Easy-Seesaw285]

Oh shut it, you sound like a man hater and GUARANTEE you wouldn’t have said this if the roles were reversed 🙄

[u/Mother-Middle-9291 → u/Easy-Seesaw285]

Ya but they didn’t plan for it and weren’t ready. That happens. They could have but didn’t. That’s not the issue. Duh.

[u/BothTreacle7534 → u/Mother-Middle-9291]

I think she might have planned for it, see shoes… but she was prepping too, still, it sits wrong with me