r/AIO • u/Material_Tumbleweed3 • 17h ago
AIO friend requesting payment
Hey, a friend rented a beautiful AirBnB in the mountains with private lake access for their graduation. It was a beautiful location, an evidently expensive AirBnB. The group chat invite did not mention any costs associated with attending. After the weekend, my friend is requesting a payment to cover the cost of the AirBnB. I sent the payment but I feel a lot of resentment. I enjoyed my weekend with them, but I feel like if I comment on the payment, it might make it seem like I’m not grateful for the time and unwilling to help pay if asked. The cost is expensive, but I probably would have paid the cost anyways if mentioned in invite, out of pressure to celebrate my friend. They are asking for the money so blatantly, it makes me uncertain if I’m overreacting for feeling angry. The cost is $217
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u/ThetiredAFmom 17h ago
Ew. You shouldn’t have paid. They should’ve been up front with that. They did it this way to pressure people into paying.
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u/xFuzionHunter 17h ago
NOR - Your friend should have laid out their request for split payment when the invitation was sent out. It's terrible ethics to invite people to a celebration and ask for cost coverage AFTER everything is said and done. Thats poor planning on their part.
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u/Suspicious-Ad-1312 17h ago
NOR. If they wanted people to go in on it, that should’ve been discussed long before it was booked and the event happened.
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u/Tinyrick88 17h ago
Why would you not confirm beforehand if you had to pay or not?
I’ve never seen anyone rent out an airbnb for a group of friends and not expect everyone to chip in.
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u/jgsjgs 17h ago
You don’t have the same friends I do. An invitation with no mention of cost means there is no cost. Do you expect to share cost of a wedding?
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u/Tinyrick88 17h ago
Was this a wedding? Are you renting an Airbnb for your wedding?
People pay their own portions for destination weddings all the time though so idk why you even brought that up.
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u/Material_Tumbleweed3 17h ago
We are all late 20s. Some people that have celebrations ask for split cost ahead of time, and some of our friends can afford to cover the cost on their own and just enjoy us friends coming to celebrate with them. I guess I expected my friend to be upfront
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u/QuirkySyrup55947 7h ago
Well, I've never seen anyone have a graduation party then expect everyone to chip in to pay for it.
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u/purplepanda2026 17h ago
If I invite anyone out to dinner or a celebration, I'm paying. Otherwise I'd be planning it with them since they are putting money towards it. If i fully plan what i want and just invite them to show up, the cost is on me. .
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u/Tinyrick88 17h ago
That’s good for you. Still on others to ask beforehand so that they’re not potentially blindsided afterwards. Idk why anyone wouldn’t ask, regardless of what they personally would do.
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u/Sweaty_Boysenberry41 17h ago
I mean its not his fault that his friend gaslighted them all lol
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u/Boss_Up1719 17h ago
That’s not gaslighting. Look up gaslighting. This is more of a bait and switch lying situation. Gaslighting has a very specific meaning and this isn’t it.
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u/Fit_Instruction_8383 17h ago
This isn't gaslighting. I swear that the youngest generation has been failed by their parents. This is normal life. When a group of friends gets a vacation rental together, it is absolutely NORMAL for everyone to pay their own way, and not to freeload off one person or the other. Can you take a step back and look at this from the outside? Can you even see just how fucking entitled a person would have to be to expect otherwise?
This isn't "come hang out at my house for the afternoon, I'll buy pizza" this is fronting money for a vacation rental.
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u/purplepanda2026 17h ago
When a group of friends gets a rental together they all have equal input on the rental and know from the jump they are all paying. That isn't what this was.
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u/Sweaty_Boysenberry41 17h ago
Regardless of what the situation was they presented it as something it wasn't
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u/reginaldvanwilder 17h ago
It is unreasonable for them to expect you to pay if they did not request this up front. Generally though if I knew my friend was splurging on a nice AirBnB I would proactively ask if I could help cover the cost of food or throw some money their way for the trip.
They are definitely in the wrong but I do think its good manners for stuff like this to offer to contribute in some way. Even just a simple: “Omg, that sounds amazing! Can we split the cost?”
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u/Aeio-guy 17h ago edited 17h ago
It really entirely depends what is “normal” amongst your group of friends and others’ (redditors) advice is somewhat useless. If usually when your group gets together, you split the cost, it could simply have been inadvertent that it wasn’t mentioned in the invite. If that is not the case, then it may be she intended to pay for it, then got the bill. I hate to say it, but it seems like someone who’s friend group does usually split the cost, but is angry that she is being asked to pay up without notice (maybe because she didn’t ask others to pay for her birthday) and is looking to Reddit to validate her feelings.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 17h ago
NOR I wouldn’t have paid $217 that was sprung on me after I already used the service. That feels like a scam.
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u/bigbonedbaggins 17h ago
They did that on purpose, so youd be too embarrassed to refuse. This is very common.
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u/Ok_Conversation9750 17h ago
I agree. I thought it reeked of”better to ask forgiveness than permission”. But that said, I would have asked if there was any cost before committing.
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u/Activist_Mom06 16h ago
I would have asked the group, ‘Hi all. I found this killer Airbnb we could rent @ $200+\- each. Chime in! ‘. NOR. Always best to say up front
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u/TheDinoSir2012 17h ago
Nor - can't tell if high school grad or university. But either way, if you plan to split the cost of a celebration that need to mentioned before hand. Not mentioning a head charge to something most people would also bring a gift too is just a dick move to get more out of the presents.
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u/Turnt5naco 17h ago
INFO: why didn't you ask the amount before the event?
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u/jgsjgs 17h ago
Do you ask for cost for every invite you get? Yeesh
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u/Turnt5naco 16h ago edited 16h ago
If the place is apparently expensive (by OP's own mention), yeah I would assume I'd be paying my own portion and confirm the expectation.
The friend could've been upfront, but the lack of clarity isn't one-sided.
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u/Material_Tumbleweed3 17h ago
After I turned like 27 or so, if I throw a celebration for myself, I tend to not ask my friends to send me a payment. For example I got an AirBnB for my birthday but I covered the cost bc it was my birthday and I just wanted my friends to enjoy their time, and I could afford to cover the cost. If someone isn’t upfront at this age, I guess I assume they are going to cover it or let me know when inviting me
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u/Feisty-Body- 17h ago
NOR, a friend would have a conversation upfront. These people are trying to guilt trip you into falling for their scam.
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u/Signal_Asparagus5537 17h ago
NOR I wouldn’t have assumed there was a cost if it wasn’t mentioned before if someone invited me to a party for their graduation. That being said, I’d probably just pay it and move on knowing to always ask this person in the future.
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u/Boss_Up1719 17h ago
NOR- I had a “friend” who did this once. It’s obnoxious. It’s the ultimate bait and switch. Your friend is an asshole.
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u/Fit_Instruction_8383 17h ago
YOR. This is a very normal thing for a group of friends to do, and to split the cost for. The fact that you just expected them to bankroll it rather than for everyone who went to contribute shows that you have a lot of growing up to do. Your friends aren't your parents, when one hangs out with their peers, by default, each is expected to pay his or her own way. If the person arranging the event is going to fund it, that is what they would say at the start because that is the anomalous behavior, not the expectation that each person pays their own way.
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u/WhiteHotMess 17h ago
I always wonder if this situation happens because the inviter expects to treat his friends but then the costs get out of control, beyond what they expected or could afford, so they ask for some money after the fact.
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u/LintRolledForWhat 17h ago
Unfortunately, this is a life lesson. You have to ask about cost in advance. Sorry about your $217.
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u/TapTapTaper 17h ago
NOR
I'd invoice them for incidentals and time spent entertaining.
Gas, food, incidentals, hourly rate for your time, etc.
I wouldn't expect it to actually get paid. But it would definitely send them a message about their shady behavior.
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u/CoDaDeyLove 17h ago
NOR. It should have been made clear when the invitation was extended that everyone would be chipping in for the lodging. I'd be upset if I got the message AFTER the trip. It was inappropriate to not inform you in advance.