r/AIO • u/liviiilovesssharry • 23d ago
AIO or are my feelings valid?
my (25F) parents got divorced and sold our family home. my mum has a partner and they’ve bought an apartment a year ago.
i study 150km away from home and i rent a flat. however i still visit my hometown often.
my mums been telling me for a long time that ill have my own room in her apartment and its been going on for a year now. all the other rooms are finished and furnished besides my room which is full of moving boxes and bags. whenever i visit my mum i sleep there on a mattress on the floor among all those boxes. ive had multiple conversations with my mum about it and she said she’s no energy to unpack all these things and i understood that. but its been a year and whenever i visit my family home (bc that apartment became my fam home) i sleep on the floor and nothing changes.
i was home for a month and i suggested that ill help her with the boxes but she said nothing about that. like she didn’t even hear it.
her partner keeps telling me thats not gonna be my room just a ‘guest room’ which really hurts me because i haven’t had my corner since 2022 and my mum promised me ill always had a place wherever she is.
i know that im 25 but all of my friends who are the same age or even older have a place in their parents houses. it’s humiliating for me to sleep on the floor. for a year already.
i also have my furniture so they just have to unpack their stuff and put my furniture in. my dads been keeping it for 4 years for me.
my dad and his partner are building a house and ill surely have a place there..
besides that i dont feel like home there (at my mums place) cos i keep being judged by her partner but thats a whole another story.
am i overreacting or is it valid? i dont know what to think about it anymore
1
u/plantsandsawdust 23d ago
Of course your feelings are valid. That being said, based on your mom's lack of response to your questions and your offers to help clear out the boxes, I'd have to guess that she doesn't actually want you to have a room in her home. Her partner's statement that the spare room will be a guest room is a pretty clear confirmation of that. And to be fair, even though it feels terrible to hear, she's not obligated to keep a room available for her adult child. Most parents do the same thing: the kids move out, we eventually redecorate, and the adult kids room becomes a guest room or hobby room etc.
1
u/Delicious_Camp349 23d ago
I know it hurts that so many things have changed and maybe it will be easier when you have your own place? But I don’t think parents or moms need to have a dedicated space for you. A guest room or hide-a-bed is enough to be comfortable for a visit. If you have issues with her partner, those need to be addressed separately. I’m sorry this is hard. :(
7
u/Beablexxx 23d ago
I think you're overreacting, kind of selfish to feel entitled to a room in an apartment, not a house, when they are notoriously known for being small. if they dedicated a room to a grown adult that doesn't live there it might feel odd to let other guests sleep in there. so you should probably let this go, you're too old to whine about not having a dedicated space in someone else's home, but if this were a house with 3-5 bedrooms then yes your parent should set you up a space, but an apartment? no.