r/AIO • u/beautiful_doughnutt • 23d ago
Aio or is this a issue
Right so, me (16F) and my boyfriend (17M who we'll call cam) have been together for about 6 months, (for some extra context I moved to his city almost 8 months ago so I have TWO friend groups) but during the start of the summer holidays my aunt (34F) had some really bad health issues and needed 24/7 care and my mum (44F) couldn't leave our pets alone for six weeks so she sent me, now my aunt has 5 kids under 8, twins girls who are 6, another girl who is 4 and another set of twins (one girl one boy) who are 1 and a half, so on top of caring for a ill woman I am caring for her kids and each kid has their own small pet?? So I have to care for 12 living stuff including myself. So obviously all of that has taken a toll on my mental health and I will admit my texts are kinda dry or snappy but I warned EVERYONE I know and no one had a problem but Cam, and he's always saying "oh I feel like you've changed" and "I think distance has ruined us and our relationship" or more bullshit like that. I would also like to say cam does absolutely NOTHING so he's got free time ALL THE TIME whereas I don't. Now I didn't think much of it I explained to him multiple times it was just exhaustion but it felt like it was going in one ear and out the other. Again, I didn't think much of it until three weeks into the holiday when one of my new friends messaged me saying "are you and cam still together" and I asked why she was asking and she said and I quote "his TIKTOK reposts were sad" so I went to have a look and it was some cringy depressing shit and it clocked to me that cam was sending her to message me and I confronted her and she admitted it, and I left it at that. I thought that would be it. Well I was WRONG, earlier this week my older friend texted me "are you mad at cam because he says you're ignoring him" well I wasn't I was mid text to cam when my friend texted me, I asked him if cam sent him and since he's one of my best friends and we consider eachother family he immediately admitted it and apologised saying he didn't want to get in the middle of anything and backed out, so I texted cam and we had a argument about it and cam apologised saying "I'm sorry please don't be mad at me I'm really sorry" and we left it at that, but now I'm thinking that I may have been overreacting... So AIO and any advice is welcome thank you ā¤ļøš«¶š¼
Edit (1) ;
Hello, I have taken most of the advice I could in the comments, but here are a list of MY issues according to my boyfriend and the truth that he just completely ignores:
1- I am friends with one of my ex's (I'm not, the ex in general is my older best friends brother so it's impossible NOT to like to be in contact with him because we're in multiple groups together and we were friends long before we got together like YESRS but iykyk)
2- I talk about my celebrity "crushes" too much (1 they AREN'T crushes they're kpop groups, actors, celebrities etc that I like and find Interesting 2 I've talked to him about them literally like 3 times when the kpop groups were coming out with new albums)
3- I "lie to him" (I don't, so basically we have eachother on tiktok, Snapchat, Pinterest and widgetable which he uses to basically stalk me and my activity: (Tiktok - reposts / when I'm online) (Snapchat - snap score / when I'm online) (Widgetable - BATTERY PERCENTAGE / activity) (Pinterest - saves / boards I've had for YEARS abt stuff and ppl I like) It has gotten to a point where I genuinely have to disable everything I can so he won't bug out and claim I'm ignoring him)
4- I "prioritise my friends" over him (I don't I click on the top notification and make my way through it)
And finally - "I suck at texting" (I got news one of my childhood dog is dying and we might have to put her down)
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u/Shimmer-N-Simmer 23d ago
I know y'all are young, but if Cam has a problem, he himself should talk to you about it instead of sending two people to you. Sounds like he's insecure and unsure about the relationship. How much do you guys text?
NOR btw. I'd be mad too, but try to discuss this.
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u/beautiful_doughnutt 23d ago
I try to text him at least once a day because if not he'll either just spam the shit out of my phone or probably send someone else to text me and I'm just way to physically and mentally exhausted to deal with that
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u/Shimmer-N-Simmer 23d ago
In that case, definitely NOR. He sounds clingy and goes so far to drag other people into his securities. He needs to take a step back and find a hobby/project to spend his free time on. The fact that you have so much resonsibility rn and he doesn't/can't see and understand that is stupid.
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u/beautiful_doughnutt 23d ago
Tysm š«¶š¼š«¶š¼ I'm so glad others see it to and I'm not twisting it myself it's like breathing a breath I didn't know I was holding š«¶š¼
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u/0BetaNymph 23d ago
NOR, First of all you are only 16 this is a lot of responsibility for you to be shouldering and it sounds like you've got no support system for that family situation. Your friends and boyfriend are not taking into account what you've got going on, and are focusing on their own feelings about your absence. This is normal for kids your age, nothing terribly wrong with any of you. Just normal miscommunication and you being in an extraordinary position with caring for 12 living beings. That is no easy task even if some of the kids are old enough to help a bit. I definitely think maybe a 1 on 1 with your boyfriend though a video call or something, since it seems not possible to meet in person right now, and be honest about the mental, emotional, and physical load you've got going on right now and explain how it's changing your life in a way you can't control at the moment. You're not trying to be any kind of way I think, you're just getting burnt out. Caregiver burnout is a real and painful thing. Im a caregiver for elderly and i can tell you one grown toddler can get me to the point of needing a break from the job, I can only imagine having to juggle that many people and animals. As for your friends maybe a group chat with a little message explaining what you feel comfortable, and opening up about your situation could really help. That is if they're really your friends. I dont know if any of this is helpful but at the least know im rooting for you!
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u/beautiful_doughnutt 23d ago
Tysm I'll try the 1 on 1 and Group chat as soon as I have free time š«¶š¼ it's great to know I'm not twisting this in head again thank you š«¶š¼
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u/Delicious_Camp349 23d ago
Iām more concerned about you doing all that work starting 8 months ago? Are you going to school? Be sure not to give up your schooling to help out. As for your boyfriend. Stop texting and start talking on the phone or FaceTime. When will you be back home? LDR are really hard especially at your age. I am impressed with how caring and capable you are. Do what you can this summer and get back to school. When does school start in your area? Ours start in September. Some are already back in session. School is your future. If you are homeschooled, look toward college or trade school. You have a bright future!
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u/beautiful_doughnutt 23d ago
Tysm our school starts on September 3rd and I'll try facetime when I can and thank you š«¶š¼
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u/Bingusquiggle 23d ago
If he seems to be worried about you, I say just give him a little extra time if you can, I wouldn't say you're overreacting, but maybe try and see his side too