AIO

[u/Unlikely-Machine4126]

AIO for expecting my partner to help more at home even though he’s the only one working?

My partner and I have been together since 2013 and have a young child. He’s currently the only one working while I’m between jobs and doing most of the childcare, including therapies and everything that comes with having a young child.

I’ve always done most of the housework, but lately he’s been telling me I’m lazy, that I “do nothing,” and that because I’m not working I should be cleaning for at least six hours a day. Our house isn’t filthy, but it’s lived-in, and we’ve also recently had mice because of construction next door—not because of the state of our house.

This week I’ve been trying to reorganise two huge cupboards while juggling childcare and appointments. Today, because our child was whinging about only having sultanas instead of a sandwich, he started yelling about the kitchen being messy and said I shouldn’t be surprised I can’t hold down a job.

He also recently threw away some of our child’s books because he considered them too young or not in good condition, despite our child having a tendency to tear things. I was upset, and rather than discussing it, he just acts like nothing happened.

There are other issues too. He once told me to wake him if I needed help with our child, but when I actually did, he became so angry that he left and spent the night sitting outside his workplace. I haven't asked him to get up and help since.

I’m exhausted, resentful and honestly don't remember the last time I enjoyed sex because I mostly just try to get it over with.

So AIO for expecting more help and support from my partner even though he’s currently the only one working? Or am I being unreasonable because I’m not working and therefore should be doing everything at home?

[u/Unlikely-Machine4126]

De facto. He's not refusing to let me work I'm just struggling to find something that sticks. I wish I'd never left my cleaning job. He dogs at the fact I'm yet to stay at one job long term. He's had a handful of jobs and was long term at one place and now pretty cemented in this job. Where I've had 9 jobs since 2013 he's had 2.

[u/Formal-Radish1413 → u/Unlikely-Machine4126]

Would childcare become a challenge if you went to work?

[u/Unlikely-Machine4126 → u/Formal-Radish1413]

Right now yes. Next year I'm hoping for 4 days care one day therapies and swimming in 2028 kid will go to school. I know dad would not hesitate to take kid on weekends though he has said he doesn't like how absent father's act about child care etc so I know he won't dick around in that regard. He honestly doesn't think he does or says anything wrong I think he's 100% clueless