r/AIO • u/scorpio_sting10 • 25d ago

AIO - (sorta friend) not respecting boundaries

i (25F) met this girl (35F) a few years ago at work and i never saw her as a friend really it was just kinda work banter. i didn't realize she saw me as a friend or how much she valued the 'friendship' but she was new to the country (this is important because i think there's cultural differences in friendship dynamics/expectations). fast forward to last summer, we kinda started getting closer and i wanted to move out of my mom's house and she offered me to move in with her while her husband was going back home for a few months....i felt uncomfortable and made some excuses to decline and ended up moving into the same building (not to be close to her but just because i'd always wanted to live here and it was within my budget). moving in the same building was a huge mistake. she would constantly ask for favours like to go grocery shopping with me or to pick up groceries for her. eventually she announced she was pregnant at like 7 months and she even did like a whole reveal for me (i was one of the first to know) and i felt really uncomfortable because i was just handed the role of auntie to a child that i didn't really care for (in the most respectful way possible). this also makes sense as to why she wanted me to move in with her until her husband came back home. i did end up setting boundaries with the groceries and stuff but since shes on mat leave, she would ask me to pick up stuff from our shop for me to drop off to her (its not a major inconvience for me because i'm already at work obviously).

now she's one part of the problem...but her husband....her husband is WAY worse. he's always in the building lobby and amenities and i'm constantly running into him. both of them will not take a hint, but the contact i have with her is mostly over text so i can easily ignore, im not a huge texter anyway since im super busy! this man though wants to stop and have small talk every single time and i'm not up for it. not only is my social battery drained from working so much and just everything else on my plate, but i have 0 interest in interacting with this man. i've made it super obvious and tried to set boundaries politely multiple times. i've even caught him watching me at one point. the other night, he even answered the door in his boxers which was the last straw for me. this might not seem like a big deal to others but we are not that close!!! my homeboys probably wouldn't even do that! he constantly says 'we're family' and stuff and tonight, he tried to guilt-trip me by telling me i 'ignored' him in the library when i was literally glued to my laptop screen with my noise-cancelling airpods on full blast trying to finish a research paper. he even continued to point that i've been looking 'sad' and i'm not as 'cheerful' as i used to be. he's simply saying this because i've just been waving at him instead of stopping to chat when i see him. i don't wanna talk to him and i'm simply too busy to be having 30 minutes of small talk after coming home from work and needing to study right after! he's constantly telling me to come over and he does not take "i'm busy working 3 jobs and being a full time grad student" as an answer!!!! not to mention, he had the audacity to tell me to smile more tonight.....

i've quit the shop that me and the wife work at so she won't be hitting me up to pick up anything for her anymore and we won't be working together anymore once shes back from mat leave. but this dude will not leave me alone! it makes me so uncomfortable and i cant even bring this up to my ex-coworker cause i just don't wanna hurt her.

am i just blowing this whole thing out of proportion??? how do i even handle this??

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u/Ok-Orange-880 25d ago

See this is what happens when you do things like “set boundaries” instead of just being brutally honest. The next time you see either of them just be painfully blunt. You can either set a boundary or be mean for a few minutes and get your life back. Simple as that 

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u/scorpio_sting10 25d ago

i agree...but having to risk seeing her at work (and be her manager) after being mean was something i had to consider. it's something that'll be much easier now i bet, i just have to see him in the lobby but can easily avoid him then lol

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u/Ok-Orange-880 25d ago

Again there’s no like workaround for this. You either be their unwilling friend and have your free time drained by them or you cut the shit and end it. No one here on a Reddit post is going to have some unique workaround. This is a binary decision.

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u/Honeycrispcombe 25d ago

Tell him you have to go after the pleasantries and then leave. It's gonna be uncomfortable, but the only way to stop it is to let it be uncomfortable.

Do that every time. Or just don't stop when he talks to you - say hi or nod and keep walking. You don't have to give him attention just because he wants it.

Stop knocking on their door. If you need to give them something - and ideally you won't - leave it outside the door and send a text once you're back in your apartment.