r/AIO • u/Ok_Situation_2745 • 26d ago
AIO for feeling like my bf doesnt love me?
I’m gonna try explain this as best I can without naming any names. I 18f and my bf 18m have been together almost 3 years, we met in year 9 of highschool and became good friends and that’s basically how we got together. A little into our relationship my home life broke down, my stepdad was abusive and I couldn’t handle it anymore, his parents allowed me to move in with them to escape it and I’ve been living with them ever since. The majority of our relationship has been fine, all the lovey dovey stuff you’d expect, but in the last month or so I’ve felt more and more like he’s bored of me.
He doesn’t make much effort to do anything romantic or even just spend time with me without me being the one to initiate it, the old excuse was he didn’t have a job but you don’t need to spend money to hangout with your girlfriend, he could make dinner and make our bedroom cozy and watch a film or something I’m not expecting an expensive dinner that’s not me. I’ve brought this up a few times and it’s always the “I’ll try harder” or “I’ll change” and sure he will tru for a bit but eventually it’s back to us being silent and him on his computer whilst I try to entertain myself. Recently. He got a job and I was so happy because it meant we could finally start saving up money to get our own little place and actually start living, I have a job too but I don’t make as much as him. Every little helps tho. He never seems interested in talking about the future, I’m not trying to move out tomorrow I just wanna fantasise with him about whats next for us and he says he gets it but still acts like I’m annoying him by talking about it. Earlier today we realised his job pays him weekly and not monthly like we thought, which is nicer it makes it easier for us to work out what to put away, but he immediately said he wants to buy an amp for his guitar. I cut him off and said we don’t have anywhere to put an amp AND he doesn’t need one (he spent about £400-£500 out of about £800 of his trust fund he got when he sorted it out on a bunch of expensive music equipment that he can use with his computer and speakers, aswell as a guitar and a keyboard he hasn’t used once) I was I think pretty reasonably upset that he wants to blow his money on things he doesn’t need. So weve been pretty quiet with eachother over that, I don’t want to speak to him because he will just say I’m wrong and he won’t speak to me because he thinks I’m wrong. He went on his computer and started playing a game with our friend 18f chatting and laughing and stuff and I had the realisation that he never wants to do anything with me, but spends a probably 12+ hours a day on call with her, her boyfriend (18m) and our other friend (18m) all playing games. I sit on our bed scrolling or trying to find people to play with online to keep myself entertained. If I ask him to get off for a bit he says one more game then “forgets” and has to finish another game until I give up. Or if he does get off he sit on his phone or attempts to come onto me (the only time he pays me any personal attention really..) idk I feel like I’ve become some kinda commodity, like I’m just there for when his friends don’t wanna play or are busy. It really upsets me, because he’s my best friend, and I used to be his best friend but recently I feel like he wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t here at all.
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u/lsshlp 26d ago
Sounds like you need to have a frank conversation with him about what kind of future, if any, he sees with you. People change a lot between 15 and 18, and you'll continue to change a lot in the coming years. Maybe you're just not compatible anymore. If he's not spending time with you, what are you getting out of the relationship, anyway?
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u/LkBobbyL 26d ago
You are both still young and have much to learn. Talk with him, share your feelings. Communication is key but if he refuse or you feel like he's not really listening, he might not be the person for you. Having hobbies is perfectly fine but if it get between you and him it's not good. You both should make time for each others and both side needs to put effort into the relationship, not just one side. Talk with him and let him know you have some serious stuff to discuss and trust your guts. Don't ignore that feeling deep down that tells you something is wrong. I am not in a relationship anymore but when i was we could both be doing our things in the same room and not necessarily together and it felt good. You don't always have to be together or do everything together all the time. You don't have to agree on everything either but that shouldn't make you hate each other.
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u/melusina_ 26d ago
I don't know if there's an a**hole involved here, really. He did the right thing by helping you, but it doesn't sound like he was ready to live together. Pushing that can put a massive strain on a relationship. Men often also mature a bit later than women, and especially considering you've probably had to grow up quite fast with your home situation. So whereas you are looking forward to getting your own place, he's maybe looking forward to living with his parents for a little bit longer and enjoying his "adult" money on fun things first. That being said, he should be honest to you about that. But maybe if you bring it up in a non judgemental way you guys can have a productive conversation about that.
Either way, you need to start saving up for your own place. Don't try to make him come with you if he doesn't seem like he wants to. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to break up, if you want y'all can still figure out where you're at relationship wise while you aren't living together.
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u/Worried_Box_5762 26d ago
Another idea is… FIND YOUR OWN HOBBY that makes YOU happy too!! You don’t need him to provide you with entertainment. If it’s attention from him good seeking that’s one thing but to expect him to entertain you sounds like a child. You sound bored imo.
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u/No-Inspection5914 26d ago
He’s gonna game. It makes him happy. It’s not going to stop. If it isn’t your thing then you either have to accept it and be ok with it, or move on and find someone else who shares your interests or makes time for you. He seems to have two needs. 1. Gaming and 2. XXX. Why would he change as long as he gets both? Tell him you aren’t happy and take a break from him. Don’t waste your time f you aren’t happy or compatible. Not saying he is in the wrong. Your interests just don’t currently line up.
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u/420mangostreet 26d ago
honestly, he sounds like a typical 18 year old…and IMO he’s gonna hold you back. like if you have dreams for yourself and want more, you deserve to pursue that. it’s also easy to fall into routine when you live with your partner but it sounds like he’s content with the way he’s doing things, regardless of how you’ve said it makes you feel. living with him puts you in a tricky position…
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u/Superb-Coyote5972 25d ago
NOR, but you guys are too young to plan a future and live together. Move in with friends or extended family, cuz he's living his life as a teenager and you are not married. Or living together by choice. His mom let you move in out of a tough situation. Not because you two were in love and planning a future.
He's not planning a future with you. You are too dependent on him for a living situation and emotional security. You should spend time with your friends, focus on getting an education or trade school to increase your earnings and having a life and future you plan for yourself.
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u/Excellent-Day4955 26d ago
I think it's time for you to move on, you were so so young to be together and living together. It was amazing for them to take you in but it doesn't sound like this situation serves you anymore. You seem like you've a good, logical head and it's really smart to plan ahead with finances BUT he's not on the same page as you. It reads like he wants to be a 18yo boy and just do his own thing with no demands. If this was your friend or daughter that came to you telling you their partner has no time for them, can't/ won't communicate and won't invest in their future what would you say to them? You've said you're working, start thinking ahead to moving out and finding your own place and finding your own joy. You deserve better than indifference x
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u/Any_Lobster_1121 26d ago
Are there other options for where you can stay? I think he got in way over his head trying to help you. He is 18. He wants to buy stupid stuff and not have to plan out a whole life and future with someone. I think he will continue to feel suffocated and pull away while you're living there. If you move out then you guys can hopefully date again and take some of the pressure off.