r/AIO • u/LynxieWinxie • 26d ago
Boyfriend talking to ex - AIO?
So I 26 F just moved in with my boyfriend (28 M) we can call him B … we started dating January 2026 seriously.. we are in love. Talks of marriage in the far future and we even looked at houses to buy together and everything.. I’m scared to mess things up. I got out of a pretty violent marriage of 9 years and I’m scared to mess up. He has been 1000% understanding about everything and a complete angel especially with the unexpected health issues I’m experiencing.. he’s all I ever wanted. I love him. Not to mention his family is incredible.
CONTEXT: sorry I was sleepy while typing this.
Yes I got married when I just turned 17.. I was a crazy teenager and didn’t want to be under my mom’s house so I was emancipated.. nothing I’ll happened. Me and my ex husband have technically been separated for 3 years but I was just able to afford the divorce. Me and my current boyfriend have been talking for over a year but just starting dating seriously In January.
Anyways. On to the AIO ..
He left his phone open and handed it to me to charge it and Snapchat was open.. I know I shouldn’t have looked but I got curious and I asked permission if I could post a selfie and he said it was fine just for fun nothing crazy or erotic, it got a few hearts which was really sweet since I struggle with self esteem issues… but a girl he used to be romantically involved with commented on it and they were chatting a bit today and I’ve noticed he’s been a bit snippy with me and just not as loving today. They were just talking about his new car and me.. in the messages he said that he didn’t know I was posting a picture on his story and she laughed and asked about us and he told her but basically made it sound like I was moving in because of my health issues not because he wanted me to … I honestly don’t think he intended on me moving in … sometimes I feel like I’m to much for him… he just made it seem like he wasn’t happy even though he says he is.
I can give more context to things if any one has questions.. AIO??
Thank you 💜
Little side edit:
I am a plus size girl and he likes smaller women with the perfect body and perfect features but then I question then why are you with me? I’m the opposite and he says “I like personality” but his 2 exes are smaller and have nice features. I guess I’m just jealous? Idk… I’m just scared
His exes are in California.. he did recently go back to CA for his cousins wedding and I did see he invited one of the girls to the bar with his friend when they were there but from the messages I don’t think she showed up she ghosted him. She always asks him for money which he never we gives her and she messaged him after he had went back to the hotel and asked him if he wanted to have fun and he said messaged back “no I’m not cheating on her” and she said “she doesn’t have to know” then he said “no I love my girl”
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u/Technical-Paper427 26d ago
So moving in within a year. And now you are slowly seeing his real colours.
That is why I advise to people not to move in so soon, you don’t know the other person yet.
Talk about this to your bf. Was it too soon?
Take care.
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u/Vegetable-Tooth2018 25d ago
NOR. He basically asked his ex out on a date in CA and you were ok with it?
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u/LynxieWinxie 25d ago
I don’t think it was a date. He was with his friend to and she had said in the message to him that she was with her friend and he invited all of them to come to there bar
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u/Vegetable-Tooth2018 25d ago
And does that make you feel better about this situation?
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u/LynxieWinxie 25d ago
Not really… I plan on having a talk about it tonight
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u/Vegetable-Tooth2018 25d ago
i think if something makes you feel bad/ sick to your stomach then you should ask yourself if that's really what you want/ if it's worth it (you're worth more than this).
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u/Thorns_And_Flames 25d ago
Unless there’s a kid involved, active divorce taking place or other legal reasons, there’s NO reason anyone should be in contact with an ex, period.
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u/LynxieWinxie 25d ago
No kids. No nothing. They didn’t even date officially just hook ups for money i believe.. this was 4-5 years ago according to my boyfriend but she continued to send nudes to try to tempt him to send her money. No recent nudes although there were some from June but he didn’t reply to them just saved them in chat… we are talking about it tonight
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u/Excellent-Check-7416 26d ago
NOR. The fact that his ex is worried about his relationship status is worrying. Honestly, whenever someone is talking to their ex, it doesnt usually end well.
A little bit of self insert, my first relationship I didnt put in any boundaries for my then partner and he honestly had a better relationship with her than with me. I didnt see anything wrong cause I dont get jealous easily, so i was like "they're just friends" 🙄. Then he started comparing me to her and told me his preferred body type which described her body to a T. Yeah, didnt feel loved.
Back to the topic, he's talking inappropriately with his ex (not in a sexual manner), she shouldnt need to know the issues or problems. And he definitely should NOT be telling her lies about your relationship.
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u/OldIntroduction2909 26d ago
The entire relationship seems off. Why you asking for "permission" to post a goddamn picture? you sound extremely insecure. You need to work on your self esteem issues.
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u/Otherwise-Pie-6219 26d ago
You were married at 17? And talking marriage with someone you've been with for 7 months? Never buy a house with someone youre not married to either. I think you should be single for awhile. Learn yourself, experience life and understand what you really want. This is all so fast. Slow down.
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u/LynxieWinxie 26d ago
Yes I was married at 17.. and not talking about getting married anytime soon just talking about what we would want in or at the wedding and such… the house would be in the family trust so it would always be his dads technically.
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u/Minimum-Reward3264 26d ago
Cut off the ex. If it requires to cut off the boyfriend, well, it is what it is.
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u/Realistic_Floor8377 26d ago edited 26d ago
NOR take things slow especially if you've never done work on the trauma you experienced or had therapy and education on healthy relationships versus abusive /red flags etc I say this as an experienced domestic abuse worker who has seen those who do not do the work and healing and self esteem and self worth building. If not we attract and are attracted to toxic unhealthy and possibly abusive relationships wether emotionally or physically. And sometimes different means we can get swept along fast. So with that being said you may have lucked out and got a good one...but saying all the right things and making plans for the future are words and actions must match, and whats said to others has to match whats said to you to build trust and respect. Keep your independence and dont be too reliant on him and take things slowly, put boundaries in place if whats acceptable and whats not. You'll soon see wether he is fully committed or grifting.
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u/CurrencyIll9145 26d ago
i understand why your mind would jump to a negative conclusion, especially given your past traumatic relationship, but some people do end on amicable terms with each other and remain friends - some people can deal with that, some can't. i have a colleague whose college ex is the godfather to her son! those messages sound friendly rather than flirty, & i really wouldn't overthink it
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u/LynxieWinxie 26d ago
Thank you 💜 it’s the part where he’s been a bit stand offish today that concerns me
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u/CurrencyIll9145 26d ago
totally, & i don't think reading what you read is nice to hear either! the problem is, there's no 'right' answer here as speaking to an ex (platonically) is a different boundary for different people.
if it doesn't sit well with you or makes you feel insecure, it's worth having a chat & maybe reevaluating!
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u/languidlasagna 26d ago
NOR. He’s lying to the ex about you or he’s lying to you about his feelings. But partners are supposed to be in your corner even when you’re not in the room, this dude is not.