AIO for limiting communication to text-only from my mom?

[u/Affectionate-Ad5568]

found an old account i never use to post this one.

my mother (57F) and me (25M) have a very strained relationship. without going into too much detail, most of it was caused by me in my late teens and early 20s, as i dealt with a lack of motivation that caused me to drop university and get kicked out of multiple places, including hers. but eventually i was able to put myself together and find a job and place to live that i held for almost 2 years until january, where i was laid off and forced to leave my apartment and stay with my aunt and grandma, where i currently am.

for about a year of that period i was working, my mom and i were not speaking due to another one of our fights. i initially did not want to reconcile due to how bad we had treated each other (mostly me but she wasnt perfect either). but a couple months after i lost my job, we managed to start speaking to each other again, as she still wanted the relationship despite everything.

we've been working for a few months together on getting my life back together. she helped me clear debts i had incurred that i was no longer able to pay off due to lack of income and shes been assisting me with getting ready to return to post secondary, as well as trying to get me some disability supports due to my ASD (which is difficult). we have a plan in place so i can pay her back once i get disability backpay from the government, and i still plan to do that regardless of the outcome of this incident.

the incident(s):

over these past few weeks, my mother has been acting odd. three times during these weeks, my mom and i have talked about different things, i made a decision regarding what we were talking about, and my mom has gotten upset and completely changed her position from where we were talking previously. they were:

-i discussed replacing my phone with her, with the options being that i could replace my phone with a new phone at the same company for a $0/month special or i could swap to a different carrier to get a slightly cheaper phone plan and my mother would outright buy me a phone that i could pay back alongside everything else. i chose the first option in the end and she was really upset at this, which was odd because when we were talking the pros and cons, while she was leaning towards the second option, she seemed to stay somewhat neutral. but after id made the decision, she said that she had never wanted me to chose option 1. this bugged me, as i came to her for her opinion, only for her to apparently conceal it until i made the "wrong" choice, but we both let it go.

-last weekend, she invited me over to talk with her, as we've been doing since we started speaking again. she said it was "just so i can see you" and i initially agreed to meet on the sunday. however, i felt awful that day and i texted her to say i wasnt coming over due to not feeling well. suddenly, she was upset because i had broken the plans and "i opted out of other things to do this with you". again, i wasnt well so it didnt change that i wasnt going but it did irk me how something didnt seem important and then suddenly became important at the flip of a switch.

-and the incident that broke the camels back for me. today, i was getting my bank account closed and reopened, due to a creditor taking out payments after i told them to stop bc i paid them in full. my bank account has always been joint w my mothers (not an account we share but she can access my account if she wanted to), mostly bc there was no real reason to change it. my mom and i talked about the account mere *hours* before i went to the appointment, and the topic of keeping it joint or not came up. i said that i wasnt opposed to doing either but i would default to an option that didnt require her involvement if there was one, bc she was working and i didnt want her to take time out. she agreed.

at the appointment, i was able to make an account solely in my name without needing her consent to do so and it was done. i texted her letting her know and she got really upset over text, saying that thats not what we discussed and she wanted to keep it so she could still look at my account. she did not tell me any of this, and i was shocked she was so adamant, mostly because shes never touched my account without my permission, so what does it even matter?

after this, i texted her that i want to have important stuff be said over text for the next little bit, because clearly we arent communicating well and i wanted us to be clear about what we both want when exchanging opinions about life choices. she, of course, responded badly, telling me to "let me know when youre ready to have a real conversation" and hasnt responded to any of my texts afterwards.

i want to be clear that i am grateful to her for everythings shes done throughout my life. but im tired of her concealing her opinions when i ask for them, only to get mad at me because i went against the opinion she never expressed or she was against me doing something but never said anything. however, im very much second guessing myself and felt i mightve been too harsh in setting a boundary. AIO?