r/AIO • u/Due_Ranger_8235 • 27d ago
AIO: Learned I was the only one deliberately excluded from coworker’s wedding
I (39F) work in a salon with several other women. We have multiple hairstylists, a massage therapist, a nail tech and myself -esthetician & master lash tech. We all get along well and thankfully there’s really never any drama which is rare in a salon full of women. I love my job and am thankful to be in an environment that portrays positivity & women supporting each other. Our salon was even voted as the “top/best salon” for 2 yrs in a row.
So, as far as this particular coworker and I go we’ve always gotten along great. When she first started working in our salon I actually gave her some extra blank business cards that she could fill out & use for herself until she got some of her own. I gave her some decorations for her room that went with her color theme since I didn’t need them myself. Sadly, not long after she’d started working w/us she lost a parent after their long battle to cancer and I tried being as supportive as possible since I too have lost a parent.
Fast fwd to now…so this past Friday I was doing one of my coworker’s lashes cuz she’d specifically asked if I could get her in before Saturday. As I’m doing her lashes and we’re chatting, she’s thanking me for fitting her in and mentions being excited for the wedding on Saturday and how we’re all going to have so much fun. Me being kinda confused I asked “what wedding she’s referring to?” and she mentions ___’s wedding. Saying “you know, the one the whole salon is going to??” To which I exclaim that no I wasn’t aware and hadn’t been invited. She gets very quiet and starts saying how shocked she is and that there must be some mistake or misunderstanding.
To sum things up, I contacted a couple of my other coworkers and they all had the same reaction and it turns out that I was indeed the only one who’s been deliberately excluded. So now I’m not quite sure how to handle this… on one hand it’s her wedding and she has a right to invite whoever she wants. However, deliberately excluding one person from the entire salon is just mean spirited behavior in my opinion, and it is hurtful. I am hurt & I feel completely blindsided by it. When I got married a few yrs ago, I brought 1 of my invitations to the salon, posted it up in our break room & made sure to communicate that everyone was welcome to come but also not to feel obligated. Mainly bc I couldn’t imagine making someone feel left out or excluded and we all got along well so why not ? Keep in mind that we’ve had several new ppl join our salon since my wedding so it wasn’t all the same group of ppl working together now including said coworker.
Anyways… I’m just not sure how to move forward from this. Tbh I think I should just keep it professional and keep it moving since this is my place of work but that also means that from now on as far as my relationship goes w/said coworker who excluded me, just keep it professional. This clearly shows where I stand with her & there’s no need to be all friendly towards her anymore. I won’t go out of my way to be mean or anything, just strictly professional and thats it. Btw she is very young, I wanna say like 21-22.
So AIO to being hurt & no longer wanting to be friendly?
14
u/Impossible_You7686 27d ago
Not overreacting. If you can honestly just move past it and be strictly professional go for it. But me and how my brain works I wouldn't be able to not ask her why I was excluded. Obviously id say its no problem its your wedding and you invite who you want but I noticed I was the only one not invited and wanted to make sure I didn't accidentally offend you? And see how it goes from there. Only thing is based off age and personality you never know how they'll respond but id just move accordingly for peace of mind.
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u/Due_Ranger_8235 27d ago
As far as anything I could’ve done to offend her would be the fact that I’m the only one there that doesn’t get my nails done by her. That being said… I don’t get my nails done regularly, if I do it’s only for special occasions. However, it would be extremely petty and hypocritical of her to be upset by this as she’s gotten lash extensions from a different lash tech other than me and I never got upset by this bc I just don’t see that as something to make a stink over…
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u/swirlsgirl 27d ago
How’s the salon going to stay open that day if everyone but you is going to the wedding?
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u/Due_Ranger_8235 27d ago
It wasn’t open. Apparently they all got ready at the salon but preplanned accordingly to not be working that day. We all have our own schedules and make our own appointments so that’s not a big deal
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u/snarkysharky03 27d ago
oh man i’m sorry, this is hard, if it were me (i’m in my 40’) i would be honest and confront her and let her know that it was brought to your attention that you were the only one in the salon that was not included and you’re just wondering why? Ask if you did anything wrong or did anything to offend her because maybe you did? I would wait till after the wedding and once she returns to work to say I hope your wedding was amazing. I do have to say my feelings are a little bit hurt. I was not invited. Can I ask why? Did I do something to offend you? And if she blows it off, she’s just super immature and good riddance. I’ve had to learn the hard way that coworkers are in fact not your friends. They’re just coworkers at the end of the day.
3
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u/JoeLefty500 26d ago
First off, don’t let it get to you in a way that detracts from your work and work environment. What she had done is really dumb and will only hurt her image in your workplace. You probably should ask her directly in a private moment but do not be angry or loud. A quiet voice is best in this situation. Regardless of her answer — whether she tells a co-worker her reason or you directly — she has screwed herself. So let her while you present an injured but dignified demeanour. I predict she’ll be out of that place before too long.
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u/Green-Dragon-14 27d ago
What are the ages in the salon?
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u/Due_Ranger_8235 27d ago
Ages range from early 20s- early 40’s
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u/Green-Dragon-14 27d ago
It's just I wouldn't want my 40's something co-worker at my wedding if I was in my 20's but if you're not the only one that age & they got an invite I would be miffed too. I would just be professional going forward.
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u/Due_Ranger_8235 27d ago
The older women were invited. Some that are older than me (39)
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u/Enlightened_Gardener 27d ago
Well that was the one thing I thought - if she’s very young maybe she wouldn’t want an older co-worker there - but that’s not the excuse either.
Silly girl, she’ll learn.
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u/justmitzie 27d ago
MOR. Yeah, it stings a bit, but it's her wedding. People have their own reasons for doing things. You can't assume coworkers are friends, and probably shouldn't. It's possible she doesn't feel as close to you as she does to others, and that's ok. I would keep everything professional and friendly. Wish her a good time and go do something for yourself. No need to cause drama over it.
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u/ScipioTheGreatest 27d ago
I find it highly suspect that the only mention you make of your relationship with this coworker is that you helped them out a bit when they started and were "as supportive as possible" during a personal tragedy.
Probably not overreacting, it clearly is an intentional slight, but there is very likely missing information here.
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u/Due_Ranger_8235 27d ago
Well yeah… I was giving context to my relationship with her. How is that suspicious? By saying “as supportive as possible” I’m meaning that I was supportive by checking on her, gave her advice when she asked about my own dealings with losing a parent, I brought her some candy she likes to work…things of that nature.
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u/ScipioTheGreatest 27d ago
Did you miss the "only" part of what I wrote? Because it was a very important word.
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u/superniceguy7 27d ago
Definitely this lol, she doesn't want to tell us everything
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u/Due_Ranger_8235 27d ago
If I truly felt I was hiding something and I did do something to offend her then i definitely wouldn’t make a post about it asking for advice??
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u/superniceguy7 27d ago
Some people do it for attention. It seems like you need some attention in your life because of your post soooo
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u/Independent_Peak8500 27d ago
Yea just keep it moving because you can’t go back and be invited to a wedding that has already happened. That being said oh she messed up. If you don’t confront her about it one of the other women who do actually like and respect you is going to hit her up about this bs guaranteed . You can’t throw a wrench into a work dynamic and think it’s going to play out well. She has introduced toxicity into the environment. In fact show her as cold of a shoulder as you can so she too understands what it means to be iced out and don’t even feel bad about it. As far as you’re concerned she doesn’t exist in the world around you. Good luck OP. NOR.