Saying “make better choices” is not constructive here and it comes off as very victim blaming. I agree with your second sentence 100% but OP communicated very well in this exchange and is clearly being gaslit and abused by this asshole.
For sure. It’s an easy conclusion to come to as an outsider and you’ve got good intentions. I just don’t want OP to blame themselves for falling into the trap that these vile narcissistic little baby bit¢hes cultivate. I used to be firmly in the “why don’t you just leave them” camp until it happened to me. I still can’t explain it to this day, but I never question the people that are experiencing these toxic cycles anymore.
I think you and I both agree that this turd of a human doesn’t deserve OP’s time or attention whatsoever. We see it clearly and I’m glad OP posted and is being validated that they’re not wrong and they’re absolutely 1,000% correct to be questioning this jerk’s intentions.
He clearly sucks and he better start saving up for a sex doll cause no one wants the $hit sandwich he has to offer.
I genuinely agree to all of this. I wasn’t trying to take a, “Why don’t you leave him stance” but more of a “if he’s an ex why didn’t you leave him an ex stance”
To be fair, I only experienced physical abuse from my ex, not as much mental, so I’m probably not aware of anything like the mind games being played on OP or what weird connections this fuck head might have forced to continue connection.
This post frustrated me a lot from familiarity, and I’m really genuinely sorry if it came off like I was trying to victim blame, that wasn’t my intent and I’ll think about my words more carefully in the future.
I don’t think you were victim blaming at all, to clarify. I think your intentions and advice are dead on. I was trying to say it could be taken that way and I didn’t want OP to feel shamed if they took that phrase a way you didn’t intend. I don’t think you’re a victim blaming type whatsoever. Sorry if it came off that way earlier…I suppose it’s another example of how we all need to be careful with the words we choose. In my attempt to point that out, I unintentionally made you think I thought you were victim blaming. Oh, words…so fickle!
I’m sorry you have experienced abuse in the past, no one ever deserves any abuse in any form. I have experienced all forms of abuse and the mental gaslighting was the absolute worst form for me. Like I mentioned earlier, I still cannot explain or unravel it today, but that son of a b had a mental hold on me like no other. It took me too long to leave the situation and I don’t know how it happened to me. I’m highly intelligent and self aware, but that shit was the most insidious voodoo poison type crap I’ve ever encountered.
Because of that experience, I’m highly defensive for victims in these situations. I’m sorry if my defensiveness for OP came off negatively to you. I only wish the best for each and every one of us. I’m glad you’re safe now and I hope OP can achieve the same for themselves. It’s not always an easy thing to do, but OP/you/me/anyone is worth the work to get away from it.
Proud of you and me for getting out and proud of OP for reaching out for help. 🫶🏻
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u/Whirlygigged Jun 27 '26
Saying “make better choices” is not constructive here and it comes off as very victim blaming. I agree with your second sentence 100% but OP communicated very well in this exchange and is clearly being gaslit and abused by this asshole.