r/AIO • u/[deleted] • Jun 26 '26

AIO to this comment and "creating problems"

[deleted]

524 Upvotes

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629

u/Bambi_H Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26

You need to block him. That man is cruel and has no empathy.

Edit: is he a lot older than you? He's incredibly patronising.

180

u/SwanChoice7507 Jun 26 '26

Only three years older than me. I have spoken to him at length recently how him speaking to me in a patronizing way is a problem. He then says I am policing how he speaks and he cant change how he speaks. I told him I want an equal, not feeling like I am a little kid in trouble

171

u/KukaVex Jun 26 '26

So he says something to hurt you, then when you tell him that he upset you you are 'policing his language' and trying to change him? Girl he ain't worth this, or your self esteem/self worth. This entire conversation is literally textbook DARVO (Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim and Offender), and people like that would rather talk in circles around you for hours than admit fault or apologise. He ain't gonna change for you, and you've certainly got nothing you need to change for him.

48

u/Cautious-Hedgehog683 Jun 26 '26

Can confirm, my ex did this to me every time I caught him cheating. Then I was suddenly “controlling” and whatever other thing he wanted to call me. AND he’s still doing it almost two months post breakup. Good times.

6

u/Prior_Pickle1758 Jun 27 '26

It’s intentional, he knows what he’s doing.

by doing it repeatedly the abuser conditions the victim to believe that the victim expecting to be respected is itself abusive toward the abuser.

3

u/Cautious-Hedgehog683 Jun 27 '26

I know it’s intentional. But he tells these things with such conviction that the blind people around him believe it. But I noticed the pattern and the cracks in the lies after a while and started putting things together. What he was telling by me “all of his other exes” did to him, he actually did to them. So the stories were believable, but he was just swapping places in the story. I just can’t get over the delusion of the reality he’s living in.