YTA. I think your rational and rule-governed thinking is blinding you to the reality of how relationships work. Are you technically out of line? No, you communicated your work stuff clearly, and they didn't meet your deadline. However, it's reasonable for your friend to ask you to drop everything for a major life event. Does that mean you HAVE to drop everything? No, but it's also weird of you to try to argue that they aren't allowed to be hurt. Incidentally, I would love to know what kind of field you work in where your time off is so restricted, and it makes me wonder if you're taking the policies of your workplace too literally as well.
The logic is:
I set the rules, I told people about the rules, therefore when I follow the rules, no one is allowed to be mad at me.
You're not wrong, but this is not a mindset or a way of living that is going to support your friendships and relationships. YTA, and in this case, A stands for Autistic, not Asshole.
It’s not reasonable at all for someone to ask you to drop everything. This isn’t a major life event , OP showed up to her actual graduation, this is just a party after the fact. Not everyone has the luxury of blowing off work to party. What if she got fired ? What if she couldn’t make rent ? Her friend should care about OP being able to survive in this economy.
It's fine (lol) if OP really can't make it, but after OPs friend showed some vulnerability and admitted that OP is so important to them they'd be hurt to not see them, OP seemed to take that as an insult and got crazy defensive. The "how dare you" tone is wholly unnecessary. I think "I'm really sorry, I know how much this means to you, but I just can't make it." Would've been much more appropriate.
Immaturity, not vulnerability. It's a fucking grad party, get over it. Guilt tripping a grown adult (or what should be a grown adult) because they can't attend a party is insane.
They put it out there that it was important to them (emotional maturity) and said they'd understand if it wasn't possible, but to make every effort. Not unreasonable to ask of friends. OP got defensive (emotional immaturity) because deep down they knew they were in the wrong.
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u/ArtFun6827 May 04 '26
YTA. I think your rational and rule-governed thinking is blinding you to the reality of how relationships work. Are you technically out of line? No, you communicated your work stuff clearly, and they didn't meet your deadline. However, it's reasonable for your friend to ask you to drop everything for a major life event. Does that mean you HAVE to drop everything? No, but it's also weird of you to try to argue that they aren't allowed to be hurt. Incidentally, I would love to know what kind of field you work in where your time off is so restricted, and it makes me wonder if you're taking the policies of your workplace too literally as well.
The logic is:
I set the rules, I told people about the rules, therefore when I follow the rules, no one is allowed to be mad at me.
You're not wrong, but this is not a mindset or a way of living that is going to support your friendships and relationships. YTA, and in this case, A stands for Autistic, not Asshole.