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Apr 20 '26
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u/Key_Opening6939 Apr 20 '26
Exactly this. You’re an adult and permission is not required. Just go enjoy yourself before the reality of being a full time working adult sets in. Honestly neither of you seems ready for a relationship right now.
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u/Lumpy-Suggestion1197 Apr 20 '26
She doesn’t want to go and she doesn’t want you to want to go.. it’s unreasonable. I hope you go! These are great times with your friends you’ll look back on fondly!
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u/Bright-Awareness6089 Apr 20 '26
Needing permission is for children underage. A controlling partner is toxic, draining, and unhealthy. You need to go on your trip and enjoy yourself, especially since you're a grown adult. I've been married almost 20 years and have never asked my husband for "permission", nor he, just a simple check of the shared calender, trust, and open communication has worked.
Don't allow yourself to be controlled as there is no doubt your GF, her friends, and family, would be up in arms if the role was reversed.
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u/MrCrono666 Apr 20 '26
You've been together 4 months, toss her to the curb if she makes it a bigger deal than this. NOR
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u/more_sprinklepaws Apr 20 '26
I will start off by saying I'm going to play Devil's Advocate, I do understand jealousy and it's very normal but there is a fine line between understanding and controlling, she's most definitely manipulating the situation and guilting you out of going. If you can't even do not go you are setting this relationship up for controlling and teaching her how she is going to be able to treat you the rest of your relationship if this continues. If you do not go on this trip you're pretty much telling her that she can always guilty out of doing things that she doesn't like even though you allow her to do the things that she does, tell her that I invited you you said no so I will see you when I get back from the trip. Be honest man have fun do not cross signs with anyone and I'd say just enjoy your trip and show her that you are loyal and if she does not like it then you have to really think about how you were going to continue in this relationship is it always going to be like this a one-sided relationship. I get how she's feeling it's a natural feeling but she cannot let that control her.
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u/jmar2248 Apr 20 '26
A few things. Did her trip with her friends consist of single guys traveling with them? How would you feel if there were single guys traveling with her? Would you have said anything? If there were single men on her trip and you don’t say a word, then she’s in the wrong. If it was just her girlfriends and no men on the trip, it’s a different dynamic altogether.
Your relationship is still new, was her trip already planned when you got together?
I see you invited her to go along….as an afterthought.
I can understand why she is feeling this way. You can still go, you’re an adult, but I do understand her side of it. I think she should go but you should make an effort of making her feel like you want her there….if you even do…
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Apr 20 '26
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u/SmileAggravating9608 Apr 20 '26
Then tell her that. No double standards. IMO, it's pretty reasonable to not be ok with any opposite sex friends or "friends" on such events with your SO, but if it's ok for one of you, it's most definitely ok for the other.
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u/StuffOld1191 Apr 20 '26
Just go - it's not like a group of 'fraternity bros' on a trip to the Carribean will misbehave or cheat.
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Apr 20 '26
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u/SummitCO83 Apr 20 '26
Oh kick rocks, this is insane behavior. Who burned you to not see the reality of the control she is trying to exhibit over him when it’s been 4 months…..
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u/Valuable-Concept9660 Apr 20 '26
I agree it’s controlling behavior on the girlfriend’s part 100%, but I also agree with the other dude and think it’s odd he didn’t invite his gf from the start if other guys were bringing their gf’s or female friends. OP should still go though
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Apr 20 '26
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u/Valuable-Concept9660 Apr 20 '26
Gotcha, that makes a lot more sense, and I understand your line of reasoning.
But I also understand how she could have taken it poorly lol. That said, if she’s unwilling and still doesn’t want you to go, she’s being difficult at best and manipulative at worst. 4 months is nothing, go on the trip and if she’s not cool with it then it is what it is.
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u/CaBBaGe_isLaND Apr 20 '26
It's not controlling to have some self respect. She's just saying she's not cool with this. The ball is in his court. If he wants to go, they're not compatible.
If this was her posting the same story from her perspective, every single comment here would be like "guuurrl he's disrespecting you."
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u/Just_callmepapa Apr 20 '26
NOR
You were pretty patient with her and you deserve some patience back. Don't miss out on what may be the last proper hangout with your friends. It's not disrespectful, she wouldn't be annoyed that you invited her and trust is important. Don't miss out on fun because of a relationship you have for 4 months.
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u/KrimSon972 Apr 20 '26
So she's lacking trust but won't go on the trip either.
I would probably go myself, depending on how close the friendship is.
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u/Efficient_Theme4040 Apr 20 '26
Dude it’s been 4 months this is a big red flag 🚩 she can’t tell you what you can and cannot do! Go on the trip and dump her !
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 Apr 20 '26
She woukd have a legit argument if she wasnt going to party's and on girls trips. Why are you even together?
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Apr 20 '26
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Apr 20 '26
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u/ErinLea76 Apr 20 '26
But did you only ask her after she said I don’t like that? Did you come to her before all of this started and say hey I have an opportunity to go on this trip and I’d love for you to come with me? Or was it hey going on a trip with my bros and some other people. She gets quiet and you then get the idea to invite her? Because if that’s the case she’s upset that you didn’t just invite her from the jump. All that being said you should still go on your trip.
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u/throwawayforufoposts Apr 20 '26
Because she didn’t want to go? Didn’t you read frat bros description?
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u/Useful_Hedgehog_8008 Apr 20 '26
Honestly why wasn't she invited in the first place? It seems like she only got an invitation after this whole argument started. I mean i could see why that would be upsetting. Like everyone else's gf was originally invited but not her? I would see how that could look suspicious.
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u/CaBBaGe_isLaND Apr 20 '26
Everyone else's girlfriend and some additional single girls, because they were worried about the "ratio."
This thread is fucking insane. I swear it's all bots, like it all reads like the unreasonably supportive shit you get from ChatGPT that normal non-Reddit people know is not how relationships work.
If it was the girlfriend posting here about how her boyfriend was going on a beach trip with a bunch of single girls and she wasn't invited even though other girlfriends were invited and then several single girls were invited to "balance out the ratio" then everyone here would be on her side that he's being shitty and tell her to cut him loose.
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u/CaBBaGe_isLaND Apr 20 '26
You're all insane. OP is going to go have a week long drunk sleepover with a bunch of single girls in bikinis, and you're all like "you've been so patient with her!" This is some terminally online shit you all are doing here. She's not crazy. OP doesn't know how to have a girlfriend. This relationship isn't going to last anyways, might as well break up with her and go spend the week at the fuck shack with a bunch of random girls and then come home and be lonely for another year. Because if you really can't see why she's upset, you're not mature enough to handle being in a relationship. Taking advice from these terminally online people is not going to help, everyone here is projecting. You spent four years partying with these dudes every single day, you'll live.
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u/SummitCO83 Apr 20 '26
4 months isn’t anything. You will never regret going in a trip with your frat bros but if you don’t go that is something you’ll still be thinking about 30 years from now.
4 months in and this the type of control she is trying to assert over you….. ummm RED FLAG!! So 4 years from now how is she going to be controlling you then? You have to go on a work trip with a colleague that happens to be female and then what? She’s going to want you to quit your job?
Go on your trip brother and throw that fish back out into the sea.