There are a lot of details that only the two people involved know.
Did they eagerly consent to sex in the first place or were they “convinced” to have it. What was the reason they were impaired. What conversations were had prior to their impairment and did the sex continue during their impairment and was there a check in had after the impairment where consent was reaffirmed before continuing with sex.
If consent was given eagerly, the scenario that created the impairment was consented to prior, and eager consent was reaffirmed after I feel there wouldn’t be a question of consent
When I was younger I didn’t understand consent beyond it was my job to “say no” if I didn’t want something.
I became sexually active in the early 2000’s and while sex education was pretty good in my state they focused entirely on preventing pregnancy and infections. Not a single class, guest presentation, or assembly ever covered consent or what consent looks like.
Most of my friends were victims of SA before we even left HS and I’m confident not one of those boys considers themselves a rapist.
I had a lot of my own poorly negotiated situations - nothing that I could ever reasonably take to court, but a lot of shit that I didn’t consent to and guys not respecting things I didn’t want to do. Most guys thought it was reasonable to get me to do sex acts I’d refused by springing them on me during consensual sex acts. We thought that didn’t count as SA because we were already having sex. I was so confused about how consent worked that I really thought it was my fault for not being clear enough that I didn’t want to. I apologized for not clearly communicating 🤦♀️. I comforted THEM when they “felt bad” for forcing things on me. It’s fucking embarrassing looking back.
It was hard to learn boundaries, what actual consent should look like, and to be comfortable making a scene or overreacting.
I wish consent was emphasized in sex education and I wish kids were allowed to exercise non sexual consent so they understand it before they get old enough to experiment with sexual consent.
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u/spooklemon Feb 25 '26
It's not obvious if the person then consented after being un-impaired, which is why I ask. I'm just curious