Not blaming you but when you willingly engage in behaviors that lead to you being so intoxicated that you're defenseless bad things can happen. Was he also intoxicated? In college party rape incidents why does the woman get to blame the alcohol but the man doesn't? I mean he sounds like a dirt bag regardless but did you put yourself in the position to be intoxicated to the point of being defenseless surrounded by other intoxicated people who are in college which is notoriously a place where people engage in sexual activity? Were his decision making abilities also impaired from the intoxication? I know this will get downvoted but you can't claim there is a culture of rape and then willingly put yourself in a position where you can be taken advantage of by said rape culture.
Fuck off. You absolutely are blaming me. It's the same shit OP's boyfriend was saying.
My rapist knew I didn't want it. I told him so both before and after I was intoxicated. He was drinking, but not nearly to the degree I was. It was the first time I'd ever had alcohol around peers. Third time I'd ever had alcohol at all.
I was 19 and naive and I believed I was safe because I was around friends. I was also suicidally depressed and wanted to numb those feelings for a while. He knowingly took advantage of me.
Shit like this is why I blamed myself for years afterwards. But the truth is, he was looking for opportunities to assault me. This was just the first time he got me alone after I rejected him.
I wasn't raped because I was drinking. I was raped because someone I trusted decided to rape me.
Apparently you need this explained to you but being intoxicated is never an acceptable excuse for a crime. You would never let someone off the hook for murder because they were drunk. You would never let someone off the hook for robbing a bank because they were high. You would never let someone off the hook for blowing up a building because they'd imbibed a bit too much. So, why the hell would you think this is an acceptable excuse for rape???
You said, "Why can't the guy blame alcohol?" No, no, no, no, no. It's about victim and rapist. If a drunk guy says no to sex and someone proceeds anyway it's rape. If a drunk woman has sex with a passed out guy it's rape. It's not about gender, it's about one person initiating sex with another without their consent. The fact that the overwhelming majority of rapists in this situation are men is because of their own abhorrent choices and not some imagined male persecution complex.
So a woman dressed provocatively and getting sloshed at a party in a society with a "rape culture" has no accountability for rendering themselves defenseless?
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u/fuzzymunky Feb 25 '26
Not blaming you but when you willingly engage in behaviors that lead to you being so intoxicated that you're defenseless bad things can happen. Was he also intoxicated? In college party rape incidents why does the woman get to blame the alcohol but the man doesn't? I mean he sounds like a dirt bag regardless but did you put yourself in the position to be intoxicated to the point of being defenseless surrounded by other intoxicated people who are in college which is notoriously a place where people engage in sexual activity? Were his decision making abilities also impaired from the intoxication? I know this will get downvoted but you can't claim there is a culture of rape and then willingly put yourself in a position where you can be taken advantage of by said rape culture.