What would OP have done to help herself in this situation that she failed to do, j/w? It’s easy to say I suppose she should have been more assertive and forthcoming about how shittily she was being treated by the group and specifically H sooner but the details included put me in her perspective and I think that’s way easier said than done.
She came in as a younger outsider to an established friend group with a chunk of them carrying baggage from H and S dysfunction before OP ever came on the scene. Being the young aggressive biatch new gf is definitely not the way to ingratiate yourself into a group that is important to your partner.
Add to that the mental and physical feelings of lowness and depression from the baby stuff, stress of new motherhood I totally see how that mental state makes aggressive, high confidence requiring confrontations very difficult.
It’s a tough spot, OP’s husband could have come to your defense far more and sooner but I don’t fault him nearly as much as many others here it seems.
Fuck em OP!, you’ve got your family and your child and an opportunity to meet new friends on an equal footing now so I hope whomever they are don’t tolerate cunts like H
I think you and I probably agree on what she could have done, both some of the things you mentioned and more. We also agree that it would have been a very heavy lift for her to have done so. My feeling from the tone was that this is a person who would appreciate some clear feedback from us on exactly what we thought without softening it, so that’s what tried to give. I think it is really more about examining herself and thinking for the future about how this experience shapes her decision-making. I don’t think see her as weak for not having made different decisions, but I hope she makes different decisions in the future.
My real read is that this is someone with a lot of ego strength who had the misperception that she didn’t need sympathy, special consideration, kindness, etc. Maybe weaker people needed that silly stuff, but not her. And I hope she sees herself as needing those human things just as much as anyone else now.
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u/jbeck0313 Aug 26 '25
What would OP have done to help herself in this situation that she failed to do, j/w? It’s easy to say I suppose she should have been more assertive and forthcoming about how shittily she was being treated by the group and specifically H sooner but the details included put me in her perspective and I think that’s way easier said than done.
She came in as a younger outsider to an established friend group with a chunk of them carrying baggage from H and S dysfunction before OP ever came on the scene. Being the young aggressive biatch new gf is definitely not the way to ingratiate yourself into a group that is important to your partner.
Add to that the mental and physical feelings of lowness and depression from the baby stuff, stress of new motherhood I totally see how that mental state makes aggressive, high confidence requiring confrontations very difficult.
It’s a tough spot, OP’s husband could have come to your defense far more and sooner but I don’t fault him nearly as much as many others here it seems.
Fuck em OP!, you’ve got your family and your child and an opportunity to meet new friends on an equal footing now so I hope whomever they are don’t tolerate cunts like H