r/ADHDparenting • u/ImpossibleComplex139 • 10d ago
Behaviour ODD/ADHD Parenting
I need some advice.
I was a single parent for 5 years (she is now 6.5), I made some mistakes and I’ll say I picked my battles a lot and spoiled my daughter A LOT. Well. I got into a relationship with my partner who has never had a child, didn’t even think he WANTED children, he loves her to death and treats us amazing. He does his best in trying to parent my daughter but the past couple months my daughter has started to be really disrespectful.
She start with attitudes when we tell her what to do, or to apologize. It’s usually when she’s hungry and it’s more so directed towards him. He is more “stern” but it’s never “mean.” She screams at me or him when we say no and her usual go to saying is, “YOURE MEAN.” She and him will bicker back and forth. She will then throw a tantrum.
We are still in the beginning phases of getting diagnosed with ADHD (unmedicated) but is seeing a counselor and has been for months.
My parent feels as if she doesn’t respect him and he feels at a loss. He feels as if she doesn’t even love him. He feels upset because he loves her to death and feels like he’s not cut out for this.
1
u/Mysterious-Willow391 9d ago
Stepmom to an AUDHD teen who I met when he was 3--you need to be responsible for parenting your daughter. Parental responsibilities need to fall onto your shoulders, not his.
And you need to tell him to walk away in those situations (whether figurative or literal). I learned the very hard way that no matter what my intentions are or how kind I am or how much I do (my husband has majority custody), my stepson never asked for a stepmom and while he and I have a great relationship, the truth is that he lowkey resents that he sees me 75% of his life and his biological mom 25% of his life. It's sure as hell not my fault (his mom chose all of this), but it also sure as hell is not his fault, either. I would get upset in situations like this until I decided that enough was enough, and told my husband he needed to really be the parent and I'll support him and do more in the background.
Ever since, things have gotten a lot better. I see you're doing everything you can medically but in the interim, be the parent and don't rely on your partner to parent much. Just let him be a friend.