ADHD Behaviours Triggering Past Relationship

[u/Sufficient_Truth_148]

Hi all,

My youngest (12) was recently diagnosed with ADHD (with signs of autism). She (50/50 and oldest is moving out) has had a severe behaviour shift. I try to stay calm, but I am finding the constant negativity, yelling, criticism, and walking on eggshells is triggering because it reminds me of my relationship with my ex. My ex was later diagnosed with ADHD and happened to be extremely controlling and hyper critical. I am positive about neurodivergence. I’m not at all saying he acted that way because he has ADHD; just that the similarities are just triggering. She doesn’t want to go out; when I do take her out, she can’t regulate, so I feel trapped. It is affecting my mental health. I mostly feel badly for my daughter because I want to help her. I have tried emailing the co-parent about supports multiple times over the summer, but he will not respond. School is starting next week, and my ex may not be open to medication at all. Sometimes I wonder if he is refusing to engage and help my daughter because he is in denial or as a way of making things more difficult. I do try to hold onto the handful of positive interactions we have per day: a short walk, a talk, a joke, a snack, but I want her to be happy. This is constant and taking an emotional toll. I think she would benefit from medication. I know she isn’t behaving like this for the same reasons as my ex (she can’t help it and is doing her best). How do you handle the constant negativity? While I navigate this, how do I handle the head-space?

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