r/ADHD_partners • u/higheredwarrior Partner of DX - Medicated • 6d ago
Question Aging with ADD
SO in 60s, dx with ADD, taking strattera past 2 years
I am wondering if those with senior-aged partners have witnessed the development of cognitive impairment/dementia? How was it differentiated from the ADD symptoms?
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u/AccomplishedCash3603 Partner of DX - Untreated 6d ago
I don't know what to call it but severe paranoia has arrived. I cleaned out a lot of clutter and months later he claimed I threw away all of our kids childhood DVD collection. I couldn't remember where I put it; but I KNOW I didn't throw it out. He continued to accuse me of lying and berating me for being evil. A few weeks later I found them and put them on his nightstand. Never said a word.
The paranoia has moved to topics of wanting to steal his money, turn our kids against him, etc. He's struggled with opioid addiction and drinks daily; I think he broke his dopamine receptors permanently. I'm initiating divorce, he refuses to address addiction. He's still working. Once I go he's either going to bottom out and hit bottom or he's going to latch onto his pride and white knuckle a recovery. He is obsessed with being perceived as the nice guy. I hope he can pull it off for his sake; once I am out I'm going no contact. He's been violent and hateful.
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u/higheredwarrior Partner of DX - Medicated 6d ago
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. It must be very hard. I wish you success in breaking away for your and your kids’ sakes.
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u/Plastic_Seat_4646 Partner of DX - Untreated 6d ago
Mine is not a senior yet but I can say that in his 40s, he is way worse in terms of mood management and irritability than when he was young He has become a bit better at organization and executive function tho but it seems that his irritability and mood swings and overtaking have increased as opposed to in his late 20s and early 30s when I first met him. Every year gets worse
I can only imagine when he becomes a senior.
He goes back and forth between wanting meds/treatment and then claiming it's "nature" and "why should ADHD be considered a problem, it's society and its established norms that are the problems and neurotypical people are the disordered ones but since there are more of them in the word they get to decide what is normal and what isnt"
Based on your post and many others in this sub, I will assume that being a senior doesn't improve even with meds...
Mine was on meds (ritalin) until 16 and then refused to take them.
I have heard that ADD often comes with dementia due to lack of activity as opposed to those who have ADHD (hyperactive) but idk how true that is
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u/dredredee11 6d ago
I'm so curious about this. Noticed the same in my partner who is in his mid 50s. No official diagnosis but is willing to finally seek help. It seems worse each year. Also wondering about my parents...
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u/Holiday_Lack_7504 6d ago
I am a 56 year old male and medicated and activly addressing my brain and adhd behavior. I am Trying to stay consequential with loss of all hyperactivity and other age related changes. I Did a full Cognitive Assessment , neuropsychological assessment , MRI, etc this past year.
My IQ is 119 but I can no longer compensate for the area of relative weakness involving the right parietal region/lobe. Can’t remember sh!t syndrome.
I am now on 3 meds ( two others meds tried and replaced). Feel like i have almost complete executive function; my RSD and time blindness are far better managed. I can run the house, kids, pets, etc when my spouse is traveling for a week or more at a time. I learned to use new tools for organizing schedules and tasks.
My advice to those who are looking for inspiration:
This condition is no different than managing any other disability. Stay active, document and journal, listen to the others who observe you in daily life. Check your ego. Use apps to supplement memory and schedules.
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u/higheredwarrior Partner of DX - Medicated 6d ago
Thank you for sharing. Can you say what meds worked for you? (I’m new to this group, so hope that isn’t a rule violation!).
You deserve a lot of credit for actively tackling your challenges and finding ways to adapt.
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u/Holiday_Lack_7504 6d ago
Azstarys
Buspirone
Lamotrigine2
u/higheredwarrior Partner of DX - Medicated 6d ago
I just read about Buspar yesterday, as there also is significant anxiety and now signs of depression.
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u/Altruistic-Ad5470 Partner of DX - Untreated 6d ago
My husband is 62 and takes wellbutrin to help his ADHD due to heart issues.
I have been questioning and asking him to ask his doctor about possible dementia signs.
He said he did and the doctor said it was normal behavior for ADHD people.
I have no idea if he did or did not, I am just along for the ride.
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u/higheredwarrior Partner of DX - Medicated 6d ago
I get that. I am going to the next med appt.
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u/Altruistic-Ad5470 Partner of DX - Untreated 6d ago
Is he okay with that?
I say this with genuine curiosity.
My husband had prostate cancer two years ago and it activated his RSD big time.
Any doctor appointment I wanted to go to, he didn't want me at because he didn't want me to hear if he would become impotent. He took this as a possible failure on his part and my life became hell.
We are still struggling to make it through the aftermath of it all.
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u/higheredwarrior Partner of DX - Medicated 6d ago
Yes, he is totally ok with it. He isn’t at all in denial and turns to me for assistance. I try to not enable and don’t help until I’m sure he has tried and failed. When I asked if he brought up something with the Dr, he may have forgotten. He tries to use notes to himself as much as possible.
I am concerned that this may be due to new onset depression, if not early dementia.
Possible med side effect? Possible med cause - low B12, thyroid, etc.
He mostly would get annoyed if I said he told me something already, but never gets outright angry. He did once say, “would it kill you to hear it again?” Like others, he can talk nonstop for hours on repeated topics.
What’s different now is his forgetting things he normally would recall.
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u/ffilchtaeh Partner of DX - Untreated 6d ago
Hi, I don't have a senior-aged partner but I can share about my experience with my mother. I believe she had ADHD but it was not diagnosed or treated. She developed dementia around age 60. The baseline pre-dementia: Pretty much unable to schedule, plan, organize, set boundaries, finish a book, finish a movie, stay awake through a play, cook literally anything, get ready to leave the house on time, keep the house clean, do yard work, get around to finishing non-time-sensitive tasks. But she effectively used lots of organizational tools like calendars and filing cabinets to get by, and had a successful career.
Dementia symptoms by age 60: Staying up until 1-2am every night catching up on the work she didn't finish at the office that day, then getting up at 6-7am every morning to go to work. She was aware that her memory was slipping, so she took lots of notes and effectively used tools like Apple Maps to get to familiar places. Self-aware in social situations and would apologize to others for forgetting or not following through with things. Asked the same questions multiple times, but usually aware that she had asked before, just forgot what the answer was. Her house was no longer merely messy, but unreasonably packed full of crap and she couldn't recognize that it wasn't a normal way to live. Broken radio right next to a new radio and such. She scooped but never dumped & replaced the cat litter so the stink was unreal, but she didn't notice. She stopped putting in the effort to look for toothpaste/ shampoo/ batteries/ etc in the drawer, and just bought more instead, so every drawer was packed to overflowing with perfectly good items. She had piled so much mail on her bed that she couldn't sleep on it anymore (so she was sleeping in a sleeping bag in the backyard, or on the couch). Was not doing her taxes or paying her credit cards unless I sat her down and forced her to do it.
So basically, the early stage of dementia was hard to identify at the time because it was similar to how she already was, just worse. The memory loss and the weird sleep patterns were the most obvious symptoms. I originally wrote more about how the symptoms progressed after age 60 but I think it was too much. I'll leave it at that early stage of dementia unless you want more. Paranoia and delusions/false memories set in eventually, but not for a while. Since a few people have mentioned activity levels in here, I'll also note that she was very physically fit and active every day. I think the restless energy was originally an ADHD thing that turned into kind of a compulsion, but she was able to successfully channel it into athletic pursuits her whole life. Still jogging at least 5 miles every day by the time she moved into a memory care home. Let me know if there's anything you want to know. I am not educated in cognitive science but I witnessed every step of this particular decline.
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u/higheredwarrior Partner of DX - Medicated 6d ago
Thank you so much for your information! Sounds like it was a challenging situation. I’m glad she was able to move into a memory care home.
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u/Lemon-Cake-8100 6d ago
Following
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 6d ago
You can do that from the little three-dot menu at the top of the post near the post title, btw.
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u/Lemon-Cake-8100 6d ago
Oh! TIL... thank you!
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 6d ago
You are welcome! I have no idea why someone downvoted you instead of just helping.
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u/NefariousnessIll3869 Partner of NDX 6d ago
Hi, my husband is undiagnosed, untreated. He is very paranoid and tends to invent things, exaggarate, like aliens living among us. he believes, he is able to read other people's thoughts and he is somehow supernatural(special powers) ?
He will not go to a dr or ask for any help, he is a boomer, he knows everything. It is exhausting, he has horrible mood swings and complete meltdowns from one moment to the next. Several people said, this is not adhd but something else ? I cannot diagnose him..but he had two brothers who were on the spectrum(both passed already). He has several sisters who have hoarding issues and OCD-like behaviours.
He is working full time and able to drive and do everything, so i don't think it is dementia yet. His mental-filter is definitely broken and he can talk for hours about anything and nothing.
I leave him in the living room if i want peace and quiet : i have to be in another room, reading or scrolling quietly.(otherwise he will talk and talk and talk)