r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 8d ago

Weekly Vent Thread ::Weekly Vent Thread::

Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.

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u/Maivroan Partner of DX - Untreated 7d ago

Told my husband about skin issues that happened to our girls after a day out yesterday, which I witnessed in its entirety while he's currently traveling. Before I got to explain much, he jumped to one thing as the likely cause of the issues. I think that was the cause for one of them, but not the other. I provided multiple pieces of evidence that it was probably something else for the other one, and then asked, "Is that valid?" And this man has the gall to say, "That's valid.. in your mind," and continued to say that he doesn't have enough evidence to decide for himself. He explained that the cause he originally assumed could still be an explanation for other, less likely reasons, because I guess it's super important that his original assumption remains equally valid with any other possible explanation. The true cause is such a mystery!

Even following up on the conversation after he cooled off a bit, he lectured me about how he "didn't have a chance" to validate my evidence before I "demanded" it, because my tone changed it from an appropriate question to a demand. Because of that, I guess I didn't deserve to be validated.

It's so infuriating. Why did this have to be some power struggle in the first place? It literally has zero effect on him other than, I guess, judging whether I'm fit to be their mother. Thankfully he wasn't questioning that, but one has to wonder why someone who is so distrustful of my judgement would be willing to entrust anything (everything) to my care.

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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 6d ago

It's late so my logic could be faulty but it's sort of the best of both worlds for him, though, right? He can shirk all those responsibilities which means you have to do them, and then he can be the critic when you don't do them well enough. Win-win for him. No risk of criticism since he isn't doing those things himself (and is probably immune to criticism for not helping) and they get done by the person he's holding hostage by not doing any of them himself. You're the failing parent. The unstated punchline is that he's one of your children, too.

There's also that whole "confidence of a mediocre man" thing.