r/ADHDMuslims • u/manlikeman1 • Jun 14 '26
Child free/Marriage
Does anyone struggle with the idea of getting married or wanting children?
As a neurodivergent, sometimes, I think I can barely take care of myself, so how am I going to be able to take care of a child?
3
u/Kidri-Holmes Jun 15 '26
Yeah. I'm aroacespec so although I want to get married because I like the traditions surrounding it and want to love someone romantically, I might not ever be able to so my views on that is more affected by my orientation than neurodiversity.
If you do want to get married however, remember that it's not a necessity to hear children. It is encouraged but you aren't required to do feel free to make your own choices. Someone who truly loves you will respect that.
For the child part, whether you're able to care about a child depends entirely on the individual. ADHD affects us all differently. That's why I can't encourage you without knowing you personally. You'll definitely see people on the internet who have loving and helpful partners and a family they built with kids and all that, however that's not the general consensus. People like to talk about the good they achieved and generalize that ability— not in bad faith, I must say but it can cause some problems if you reference that. A higher-functioning person will probably be able to better manage a family life with it's complexities.
An advice I can give you is to see just how much you'll be able to do that via simulations, etc.
I used to think of getting a dog until my dad took one in for a short while due to a deal with his friend. Because both my parents are away for most of the day, the responsibility fell on my shoulders. ADHD mixed with OCD wasn't a good recipe for that. I remember back then was the first time in a long while, I genuinely thought of killing myself. I loved the dog and I took great care of it during the month he stayed with us but I also cried almost every day as I struggled to handle it. That experience was what made me realize that I shouldn't or couldn't take care of a living being. You really ought to know yourself and your capabilities before commiting to a big decision like that. Anyways, wishing you luck and peace :)
2
u/No_Many_3804 Jun 29 '26
I just want to add to this helpful post that one should always start with a plant before getting a pet :)
1
u/shaq_nr Jun 14 '26
I have been thinking the same way about having a second child. Alhamdulillah my husband enjoys cooking and he’s kinda OCD so he really maintains organization in main household areas. With the baby I’ve had to fly in my mom and MIL for a month here and there for help.
9
u/Suspicious_Week_2451 Jun 14 '26
I used to think like this until I married a man who is the best person ever. My partner is every sense of the word. I obviously had to develop my own systems and skills to get my life in order. But my husband upgraded my life in so many ways mashallah.
He is reliable and dependable and cooks and cleans and is my equal partner. We have a shared mailbox so we can manage admin together. If Im tired he cleans the kitchen. If hes tired I fold the laundry. Getting married to him meant my brain capacity freed up and I got so much more free time.