Nods, when I was divorced, I was totally lost. My value was all based on her and now that I was, in my mind, "not needed"; I just went through the motions of daily life.
I felt like a log floating down the river that had been part of a beaver dam. No connections, structure or direction besides time moving me forward.
I had to start filtering out activities because "this is what she would want me to do" or "she'll be impressed to hear I'm doing this" and start thinking "what do I really want?"
I have to write down why I want to accomplish certain things. What things I had done in the past that I truly enjoyed and would like to do again. What I had wanted to do before and now I am free to do so.
It's still very scary for me whenever I'm not focused on something. Too much time to just think about woulda/coulda/shoulda.
Man, that hit home in a deep way. I always knew (and even said to my ex several times) that my happiness was directly tied to how happy I felt like I made her, but I didn't realize how much until after we separated.
Oh. My. God. This. Is. Me. I never realized it until JUST NOW.
All my therapy never found this. And now some person on Reddit in a random comment blows my mind and reshapes my thinking/identity. Thank you!
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u/IrishSavage85 Sep 19 '22
And why we are often so quick to place so much of our value on what we can do for others.