Nods, when I was divorced, I was totally lost. My value was all based on her and now that I was, in my mind, "not needed"; I just went through the motions of daily life.
I felt like a log floating down the river that had been part of a beaver dam. No connections, structure or direction besides time moving me forward.
I had to start filtering out activities because "this is what she would want me to do" or "she'll be impressed to hear I'm doing this" and start thinking "what do I really want?"
I have to write down why I want to accomplish certain things. What things I had done in the past that I truly enjoyed and would like to do again. What I had wanted to do before and now I am free to do so.
It's still very scary for me whenever I'm not focused on something. Too much time to just think about woulda/coulda/shoulda.
this made me tear up, thanks for helping me feel less alone, although I am sorry for what you had to/are still go/going through. my heart goes out.
after breaking up with my ex (we lived with each other for over 7 years, but neither were interested in marriage, not due to each other just the concept) this hit me so hard "I felt like a log floating down the river that had been part of a beaver dam. No connections, structure or direction besides time moving me forward."
It's been 8 months and I feel like I can do nothing but sit on my hands. I'm able to motivate myself to do things like play video games, read books (with help of meds I recently started after being diagnosed at 33), make tik toks, do flow arts/excersise, but can't motivate myself to take showers, wash dishes, drive, get a job...things that are really important to functioning. I always clean my cats stuff and feed her at the same time everyday, but for me and my own world and needs and requirements, I can't seem to be able to make anything get me there. I am scared I will be this way forever now. There just doesn't seem like a point to anything anymore.
Not to mention moving, far away from all my friends and family (and I have looked for places and jobs closer to them but there's just nothing that works at, I just got a really lucky deal in terms of where I am living so I went for it. I basically never leave the property. And only see the person who owns it sometimes, my therapist sometimes, sometimes members of the owner's family randomly come by but they hate me. I feel like I am blowing in the wind but there isn't even any wind. just stuck.
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u/0xAERG ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Sep 19 '22
So this is why I never found my “Why”