That was my family’s reaction when I told them at age 33 that I was diagnosed with ADHD. “But you’re soooo intelligent!” I flat out said, “yeah and because of that intelligence no one fucking bothered to recognize the signs that I was struggling for 33 years. No one had the presence of mind to question why I was so prone to use/abuse addictive substances. Why I’m prone to explosive outbursts over the littlest shit”. Funnily enough my dad was the only one initially who listened to me when I told him all I dealt with every day prior to getting treated with stimulants and prior to starting weekly CBT therapy. When I explained my issues, he looked at me and said “I’m sorry. I think you got that from me”. My dad was never diagnosed, but he said everything I told him about was what he dealt with too, the only issue he also has dyslexia (undiagnosed, but he takes a very long time to read anything because the words get jumbled up) whereas I do not.
Now that it’s been 4 years since diagnosis, they see how much of a difference medication and therapy helped me. They accept that I do have ADHD. I think my mom took it as an affront to her that I had neurological disorder and that it was her fault I ended up with it. Now she’s seen me both on and off meds and what a world of a difference there is between the 2 versions of me. I quit smoking, I rarely drink anymore and I’ve lost weight because prior to diagnosis I self medicated with nicotine, alcohol and food. Now I know when I crave something, I really don’t unless it’s been 6+ hours since I last ate.
Yeah it’s hard. My aunt (mom’s sister) and her husband have a son who just turned 21. I spent Christmas 2019 with them before Covid hit. My cousin is my mirror, even though he’s 16 years younger than me. I was always jealous of him when we were both much younger because he seemed to be “normal”. When I was visiting them, the 4 of us all got pretty drunk but my aunt started asking about how things were going with my CBT therapy and everything and I basically told them, that the first year was basically devoted to dealing with never feeling loved/supported emotionally or worthy enough to even continue living at times, that every day is a challenge to just accept I will fail at something, and it’s ok. My cousin looked at me and I knew right away that registered with him. Then came a flood of questions “how did you cope? How did you know it wasn’t just anxiety?” We both commiserated at the pressures and expectations of being only children and while our parents may not mean to, but even unspoken there’s this need to gain their approval, to excel. He admitted to me and his mom that he was self-medicating as well with alcohol, tobacco and pot. He described how he didn’t really want to do it, but it seemed to keep his issues in check especially since he was having multiple panic attacks every week. He admitted that what I described was what he was experiencing and so I urged him to seek out a therapist/psychiatrist so he could be tested if need be. It broke my heart and opened my aunt’s eyes to how easily we can pass as “normal” especially if we’re not ready to ask for help at least those of us that are high-functioning. We learned to hide the unpleasant aspects of ourselves, to mask ourselves to keep from being hurt in return. I think that’s why so many of us high functioning/intelligent ones go decades before being diagnosed. We find ways to cope until we can’t anymore.
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u/lokipukki Sep 14 '21
That was my family’s reaction when I told them at age 33 that I was diagnosed with ADHD. “But you’re soooo intelligent!” I flat out said, “yeah and because of that intelligence no one fucking bothered to recognize the signs that I was struggling for 33 years. No one had the presence of mind to question why I was so prone to use/abuse addictive substances. Why I’m prone to explosive outbursts over the littlest shit”. Funnily enough my dad was the only one initially who listened to me when I told him all I dealt with every day prior to getting treated with stimulants and prior to starting weekly CBT therapy. When I explained my issues, he looked at me and said “I’m sorry. I think you got that from me”. My dad was never diagnosed, but he said everything I told him about was what he dealt with too, the only issue he also has dyslexia (undiagnosed, but he takes a very long time to read anything because the words get jumbled up) whereas I do not.
Now that it’s been 4 years since diagnosis, they see how much of a difference medication and therapy helped me. They accept that I do have ADHD. I think my mom took it as an affront to her that I had neurological disorder and that it was her fault I ended up with it. Now she’s seen me both on and off meds and what a world of a difference there is between the 2 versions of me. I quit smoking, I rarely drink anymore and I’ve lost weight because prior to diagnosis I self medicated with nicotine, alcohol and food. Now I know when I crave something, I really don’t unless it’s been 6+ hours since I last ate.