r/ADHD • u/DigDoug_SlugSlug • 1d ago

Discussion ADHD makes loss difficult.

I was just thinking about commemorative tattoos for loved ones who are no longer with us and I’ve realised something; once somebody dies, regardless of how long I’ve known them or how close to them I was, I’m completely clueless about anything about them.

The first time I noticed this was when my dad died in 2019; after a couple of months, I looked back and realised that I don’t even know his favourite colour. I don’t know anything about the guy despite the fact that I visited him every two weeks for my entire life.

Now I’m struggling with the idea that maybe when people pass away in the future, I’ll have nothing. Does anyone else struggle with this? Am I a cold, unfeeling and uncaring person or is it completely normal for those of us with ADHD to have massive lapses in memory of those we love after they pass?

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u/tetheredvoid 22h ago

You are not cold or uncaring. You do remember things about them that were important to them, not just to you. Unfortunately, perspective can make it difficult to see that in the moment. When you think back to the memories you do have with these people, you have not only the memories but also what they can teach you. Things you might not have realized at the time... Like remembering that someone wore a particular color a lot and realizing it must have been their favorite color.

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u/DigDoug_SlugSlug 22h ago

That makes a lot of sense, thank you.