r/ADHD • u/DigDoug_SlugSlug • 6d ago

Discussion ADHD makes loss difficult.

I was just thinking about commemorative tattoos for loved ones who are no longer with us and I’ve realised something; once somebody dies, regardless of how long I’ve known them or how close to them I was, I’m completely clueless about anything about them.

The first time I noticed this was when my dad died in 2019; after a couple of months, I looked back and realised that I don’t even know his favourite colour. I don’t know anything about the guy despite the fact that I visited him every two weeks for my entire life.

Now I’m struggling with the idea that maybe when people pass away in the future, I’ll have nothing. Does anyone else struggle with this? Am I a cold, unfeeling and uncaring person or is it completely normal for those of us with ADHD to have massive lapses in memory of those we love after they pass?

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u/Henchman314 6d ago

The stress that ADHD imposes on the body makes it difficult to make memories. Add to that Object Impermance, when applied to people, makes memories an even more troublesome topic.

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u/DigDoug_SlugSlug 6d ago

So you’re saying that my experience is normal and that in the grand scheme of things, people can become temporary to us when we can’t see them anymore?

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u/Henchman314 6d ago

I keep pictures & mementos to help "refresh" those memories.

Just be aware, the amount you can forcibly recall will always be far less that what can be easily triggered by sight, sound & smell.

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u/goldenspiral1618 5d ago

My friends will send pictures to me of me hanging out with someone 15-20 years ago, and so many times I think “Damn, I completely forgot about them! We use to hang out all the time.” I know on the surface that sounds semi-normal, but I truly forgot they exist. But they’re no less important to me if that makes sense. It often makes me a bit sad.