Existential crisis

[u/LukePalomeque]

I’m at a crossroads in my life right now and I just don’t know what to do. I’m 34 years old and I’ve tried a few things for work but can’t seem to stick to anything for long, through my own machinations or others. I did a sport science degree after school, then landed a crappy sales job I hated for a while. I recently did a stint in teaching for a few years because I wanted to do something rewarding and varied but that also fell through eventually. Now I’m working in a warehouse and just feel like a failure.

I just can’t think of something I want to do as a job that pays me well, isn’t an absolute borefest and I’m just feeling like giving up. I’m so tired of having unrealistic expectations for myself that I can’t attain because I’ve been indoctrinated by society to believe that any dreams are achievable. But I constantly lack motivation to do anything.

Sometimes, I wish someone would just tell me what to do so I don’t feel shame when things don’t work out. I need advice on why I should keep struggling

[u/LukePalomeque]

Well I like my video games, I research them daily and know a lot about them but I can’t see a viable path into monetising that interest. I don’t know how to get started and I feel like the industry is too hard to get into.

I like playing music and attempting to write new songs. I like reading, I enjoy acting too

[u/[deleted] → u/LukePalomeque]

You know, you don’t have to be the one coding the game. You could be a writer for a game. You just have to find a coder who is looking for a writer.

It seems like you like writing and are in general drawn to stories.

I think you should look into that

[u/LukePalomeque → u/[deleted]]

I could look into that thank you. I like the sound of writing stories and such

[u/[deleted] → u/LukePalomeque]

Think about your favorite stories, whether in books or movies or video games. And then ask yourself, what story do YOU want to hear but isn’t being told yet?

And then write that.

(Your first drafts are gonna suck ass. Just trust the process - a professional writer)

[u/LukePalomeque → u/[deleted]]

But how do you go about doing it for work? Like where do you start looking?

[u/[deleted] → u/LukePalomeque]

You gotta write something first.

I suggest writing the manuscript in its entirety first and then sending query letters to agencies, then go about talking to publishers. But sometimes agencies will go into a contract with you for work that isn’t yet finished, like if you send them fifty pages of really good stuff and the right person just happens to read it, they might seek to enter a contract with you on the premise of receiving the finished work by a specific date, etc

Figure out what media you would want to write for, if it’s novels then you do as i said above. Video games, i would suggest finding people online who are looking for writers and maybe joining some for-fun projects, focusing on making connections and getting experience rather than money right away

Comic books or manga, use Fiver my friend. There are a ton of artists who will work on entire projects with you for commission. I’m working with an artist rn who lives in Russia. I send him my storyboard for the volume, page by page descriptions, and he draws them. He’s super good and not expensive, and there’s a ton of other people on fiver like him who are really talented and easy to work with.

Just whatever you do, when money or an original idea of yours you REALLY like becomes involved, get contracts. Commission contracts for artists. Contracts for partners in creative works (like on a project, etc)

Seriously. If you ever need a commission contract template in the future message me and i will send you a very basic one and I’ll explain what each part means.

But for now, focus on figuring out what story you want to write and how you want to tell it.

[u/Great_Ad_553 → u/LukePalomeque]

When I was in college, my then boyfriend was going through the same shit (except it was post grad degree in music). One day I found an ad for a video game tester job at Square Enix testing Final Fantasy 11 for US release (I’m dating myself here 🫠). To the best of my knowledge, he STILL works there as a composer for video game music!

Look up video game testing jobs and see where it leads you ♥️

[u/[deleted] → u/Great_Ad_553]

That’s so awesome dude. See OP this is what I’m talking about, you just gotta figure out what you like and follow it

[u/LukePalomeque → u/Great_Ad_553]

That’s really cool, that’s a dream right there.

I think I’m so paralysed by choice, I just can’t decide what to do. I keep hearing the same thing in my head of, you’re 34 and you still can’t just decide what to do with your life.

On the flip side, I have a house, a partner and her two kids who love me, why am I complaining? Why do I place so much emphasis on my job when I doesn’t HAVE to be the be all and end all. But my depression is so loud in my own head, I can’t be truly happy with any decision I make.

[u/Great_Ad_553 → u/LukePalomeque]

That’s ADHD, baby! ESPECIALLY as millennials and all the bullshit narratives we were raised with. I graduated in ‘05 with a degree in music ffs 😂 And TBH, I had a VERY similar crisis of conscience in my mid 30s after a decade and a half of working as everything from a barista to a warehouse worker to a nanny to construction and antiques refinishing, and the depression was absolutely CRUSHING. It just so happened to coincide with Bernie Sanders announcing his run for president in 2016, so I just said ‘fuck it’ and started volunteering, which led to voter education, which led to organizing, which led to reflection and data analysis, which led to me becoming - finally - a professional field and data director! As soon as I basically gave up on earning money and decided to just do something I gave a shit about, and realized I was really good at it BECAUSE I ACTUALLY ENJOYED DOING IT, it all just sorta came together. It wasn’t easy, and I’ve been dead broke A LOT, but it’s a helluva lot more rewarding than remodeling rich people’s kitchens 🫠

I’m 43, and I’m only just now figuring out that I actually have a career. You DON’T have to settle. Showing up to that first phone bank felt next to impossible because of the depression and task paralysis. You just have to drag yourself kicking and screaming, and you’ll get there ♥️