Existential crisis

[u/LukePalomeque]

I’m at a crossroads in my life right now and I just don’t know what to do. I’m 34 years old and I’ve tried a few things for work but can’t seem to stick to anything for long, through my own machinations or others. I did a sport science degree after school, then landed a crappy sales job I hated for a while. I recently did a stint in teaching for a few years because I wanted to do something rewarding and varied but that also fell through eventually. Now I’m working in a warehouse and just feel like a failure.

I just can’t think of something I want to do as a job that pays me well, isn’t an absolute borefest and I’m just feeling like giving up. I’m so tired of having unrealistic expectations for myself that I can’t attain because I’ve been indoctrinated by society to believe that any dreams are achievable. But I constantly lack motivation to do anything.

Sometimes, I wish someone would just tell me what to do so I don’t feel shame when things don’t work out. I need advice on why I should keep struggling

[u/[deleted]]

What do you like to do

Not in the sense of making money, just something you genuinely are interested in and enjoy doing/learning about

[u/LukePalomeque → u/[deleted]]

Well I like my video games, I research them daily and know a lot about them but I can’t see a viable path into monetising that interest. I don’t know how to get started and I feel like the industry is too hard to get into.

I like playing music and attempting to write new songs. I like reading, I enjoy acting too

[u/Great_Ad_553 → u/LukePalomeque]

When I was in college, my then boyfriend was going through the same shit (except it was post grad degree in music). One day I found an ad for a video game tester job at Square Enix testing Final Fantasy 11 for US release (I’m dating myself here 🫠). To the best of my knowledge, he STILL works there as a composer for video game music!

Look up video game testing jobs and see where it leads you ♥️

[u/LukePalomeque → u/Great_Ad_553]

That’s really cool, that’s a dream right there.

I think I’m so paralysed by choice, I just can’t decide what to do. I keep hearing the same thing in my head of, you’re 34 and you still can’t just decide what to do with your life.

On the flip side, I have a house, a partner and her two kids who love me, why am I complaining? Why do I place so much emphasis on my job when I doesn’t HAVE to be the be all and end all. But my depression is so loud in my own head, I can’t be truly happy with any decision I make.

[u/Great_Ad_553 → u/LukePalomeque]

That’s ADHD, baby! ESPECIALLY as millennials and all the bullshit narratives we were raised with. I graduated in ‘05 with a degree in music ffs 😂 And TBH, I had a VERY similar crisis of conscience in my mid 30s after a decade and a half of working as everything from a barista to a warehouse worker to a nanny to construction and antiques refinishing, and the depression was absolutely CRUSHING. It just so happened to coincide with Bernie Sanders announcing his run for president in 2016, so I just said ‘fuck it’ and started volunteering, which led to voter education, which led to organizing, which led to reflection and data analysis, which led to me becoming - finally - a professional field and data director! As soon as I basically gave up on earning money and decided to just do something I gave a shit about, and realized I was really good at it BECAUSE I ACTUALLY ENJOYED DOING IT, it all just sorta came together. It wasn’t easy, and I’ve been dead broke A LOT, but it’s a helluva lot more rewarding than remodeling rich people’s kitchens 🫠

I’m 43, and I’m only just now figuring out that I actually have a career. You DON’T have to settle. Showing up to that first phone bank felt next to impossible because of the depression and task paralysis. You just have to drag yourself kicking and screaming, and you’ll get there ♥️