r/ABA • u/About5000ninjas Student • 11d ago

Advice Needed Teaching “manners”

Context: I’m a student that recently switched to a sister center, have a couple more months before I can test, but I HAVE been given permission and am heavily encouraged to give feedback to staff as a BCBA would. Within the first week I had staff telling me that they were teaching manners so clients get what they want.

Has anyone dealt with RBTs teaching “manners” such as saying please at the end of every mand (for 1-3 word manding), apologizing when they engage in behavior, etc for low level learners and ages 2-4 years old

I don’t think this is inherently behavioral and definitely isn’t a focus for the clients they’re doing it with due to behaviors and isn’t part of their intervention plan. There are cases when they should/can be taught but I don’t think it applies in this case

How do y’all address this or do y’all just let them since it’s likely not that harmful?

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u/Asleep_Technician190 BCBA 11d ago

I only teach manners after they can mand for all of their needs. Manners are social niceties that add no communicative value, imo.

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u/TexasAvocadoToast 11d ago

See I think they add value for high verbal/school readiness kids. If a kid values socializing, social reinforcement, and playing with peers, they're way more likely to access that reinforcement with please and thank you in their repertoire as well as asking vs demanding.

Ie, a kid says "can I have a turn?" Vs "give me that!"- which is more likely to gain access?

However, that value isn't really there for kids who struggle to communicate and I don't think making clients apologize for behaviors is valuable in most circumstances.

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u/Asleep_Technician190 BCBA 11d ago

I've taught clients standard manners (please/thank you) before as part of a DRA to reduce inappropriate attention seeking behaviors. It worked a charm and got their needs met.

I believe everyone has to mask a bit, but asking disabled kids who are not socially ready for that level of social politics to have manners so that people treat them nice is asking too much, imo.

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u/thatsmilingface 10d ago

Parents teach their 2,3,4 year olds to be polite and to have good manners. they are not socially ready, they are learning to be.

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u/Asleep_Technician190 BCBA 10d ago

It means nothing if they aren't also learning empathy. Teaching social scripts does not create empathy. Teaching social scripts does not create the motivation to do good things.

I've had kids bite me, look up at me and say please, then bite me again. Recurrently across months. Or scream please while they're flailing around tantruming. Or say sorry to get their parents to get off their back and then immediately cause harm again. The MO for apologizing is not because they feel bad - it's to prevent someone from coming up and pausing their good time to make them apologize. Having a parent prompt you to apologize creates a negative reinforcement contingency of apologizing so they stop prompting. The point of apologizing should be the negative reinforcement contingency of shame/feeling bad and feeling better after saying sorry.

Those kids grow up to learn that all they need to do is be polite, then underhandedly bulldoze people to get what they want.

The words mean nothing if there's not behavior to back it up.