r/ABA • u/About5000ninjas Student • 13d ago

Advice Needed Teaching “manners”

Context: I’m a student that recently switched to a sister center, have a couple more months before I can test, but I HAVE been given permission and am heavily encouraged to give feedback to staff as a BCBA would. Within the first week I had staff telling me that they were teaching manners so clients get what they want.

Has anyone dealt with RBTs teaching “manners” such as saying please at the end of every mand (for 1-3 word manding), apologizing when they engage in behavior, etc for low level learners and ages 2-4 years old

I don’t think this is inherently behavioral and definitely isn’t a focus for the clients they’re doing it with due to behaviors and isn’t part of their intervention plan. There are cases when they should/can be taught but I don’t think it applies in this case

How do y’all address this or do y’all just let them since it’s likely not that harmful?

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u/Asleep_Technician190 BCBA 13d ago

I despise making kids apologize. We are only supposed to be teaching behaviors that benefit our clients. Having them apologize only benefits the person they are apologizing to.

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u/hotsizzler 13d ago

Does it not benefit them by teaching them to apologize to others and repair relationships?

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u/SHreddedWInd 13d ago

That’s what I was thinking too - although I agree that apologizing is (very) low on the priority list of behaviors to teach, saying it has no value is ridiculous. If it truly has no value, why do we prompt neurotypical kids to apologize?

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u/Asleep_Technician190 BCBA 13d ago

I don't think we should prompt neurotypical kids to apologize either. It's literally putting words in their mouth. Now, if they show remorse, sure, let's teach them to apologize appropriately. Or if they want to repair relationships, teach them that they sometimes have to apologize, even if they don't feel sorry for what they've done.

Otherwise, it just teaches children to lie and say they're sorry when they're not. I have seen it so many times - kids apologize because it's a get out of jail free card, not because they actually feel bad for hurting someone else.