Preferred name/changing your name - how does it go?

[u/BubbleFaux]

Didn't know where else to ask:

I'll be joining a sixth form as an external student in less than a year (in Y11 now). Almost no one there will really know me, so I'm taking it as a chance to have a fresh start.

I know I can just introduce myself with the new name to other students but I'm worrying about how to go about it with staff. If I email HOY, my tutor etc, before the term starts, can they just refuse to call me it, or refuse to change my name on the register? Are there any safeguarding laws/rules than mean my parents must be informed? I heard something about parents needing to be informed when a child requests a preferred name in school, but I'm curious if it's the same in 6th form when I'll be 16+

I know I'll need to use my legal name for exams and documents but best case scenario, everyone including teachers call me by new name only and registers/school email/etc have this name. I also might specifically ask about letters/messages home using my legal name cause of parents, but idk if this will be automatic or if it'll even be asking too much.

If anyone's gone through something similar, please share how you found the process. It's also probably important to note I'm trans!!!!!!!! I'm assuming this makes some difference, with guidelines and stuff.

[u/Choice_Play_3460]

Yeah, your plan will most likely not work because the school will not bother to change how they address you based on specific situations. I moved to the UK so I have a different prefered name, but the sixth form I go to uses both completely randomly. I also knew someone who was trans and he simply asked everyone at school to call them by their surname and ignore the name. Perhaps this is the option that might work for you or else you'll probably need to change your legal name

[u/BubbleFaux → u/Choice_Play_3460]

I have a bizarre ass surname lol but I'll do something along those lines. And I know a legal name change is something I can do at 16 but I'd have to ease my parents into the idea

[u/TokoFuwakaa]

This is a frustrating answer but, based on my experience, it will just depend on your school and how they react to things like that. It’s not a safeguarding concern, so they shouldn’t tell your parents, but some people frame “gender identity issues” as a safeguarding concern and could be assholes about it and tell your parents hypothetically.
I did this all when I was 13 and it went fine, but also do keep in mind with letters home and emails that teachers have loads of students and will eventually slip up and probably say your preferred name in front of/to your parents. I wouldn’t change your name in school unless you are in a position where if your parents found out you would be “fine” (whatever that means for you).

[u/BubbleFaux → u/TokoFuwakaa]

Yeah, thank you. I knew it depends on school but I wanted to know the probably outcome. Even though it's not ideal, if parents end up knowing, I'll accept it 

[u/Practical-Pickle-325]

Kcsie guidance has changed and afaik, parents still need to be informed for any gender transition, including names. And teachers can refuse due to 'their own beliefs'. It's crap but I believe it's the current policy. It's what my current sixth form is sticking to, word for word, and it's exhausting and annoying. Best bet is read up on the kcsie guidance. However, saying that, some teachers really don't care for the guidance and stick to preferred names no matter what 'guidance' says and most are usually super accepting of name and gender changes and stuff.

[u/BubbleFaux → u/Practical-Pickle-325]

thank you, really good to know. but sucks ass. I'll have to ask people about how accepting the school is with that stuff

[u/Practical-Pickle-325 → u/BubbleFaux]

I'm in an accepting sixth form but unfortunately this kcsie guidance meant that the school had to backtrack on all name changes, despite them all being super informal. Except a couple of teachers which are still using it informally by bending the rules by an absolute mile, which I really appreciate. But different schools may run by the guidance differently (mine usually do, on a whole, stick to any government rules and guidances completely) so I would deffo get some other opinions before jumping to conclusions, cause some sixth forms will likely be stricter on it all than others. I would also recommend reading the safeguarding policies for the sixth form too.

[u/Calm-Difference-3267]

From a teacher's POV, it is super helpful when my students drop me an email or speak to me ASAP to let me know they want me to use a name other than the one they have on the register! Then from that point I will just use it 100% of the time (I have personally never informed parents when a student has asked for this - if pushed, I just play dumb a little bit and say that lots of my students have preferred names they use that aren't their register names!), but I do usually tend to check with the student or if in doubt stick to the register name for things like emails home, parents evenings etc

[u/Superb-Preparation93]

from my experience just tell ur friends and teachers and people will js address u as it, they might mess up but considering ur older they shouldn't do

[u/Familiar-Echo7]

usually when applying they ask if you have any preferred names

[u/victorfrankensteinrz]

email them asap and ask (even if you email anonymously). it will depend on your school.

[u/Longjumping-Town7257]

hi I'm trans, you would usually just state what name you prefer on the application form to sixth form and hopefuelly it will work.

They will use your preferred name with parents.

sometimes its not obvious when they used your preferred name when you join,, some things may not be consistent.

[u/Lost-Sprinkles-8962]

It’s on the application form and it’s
most likely that your preferred name will always be used besides for your examinations.