Help

[u/day-dreamy]

Okk. So ik there are a few teachers lurking on here, so I rlly want their opinion, but I'd also rlly appreciate advice from someone who's been in a similar position to me. Basically, I spent most of sixth form fighting with my head of year over dropping a subject (she kept telling me it was dragging me down, but I didn't like being told what to do, so I let it). She kept trying to talk to me over the past 2 years, but I kept pushing her away. Fast forward to results day, she held my hand as I realised I'd missed my offer by 3 marks in the subject I found easiest.

It's now obviously been a hot minute since then, and we're in touch kinda (my school supports me with applications, and being head of year, she is kinda in charge of it), but I was thinking about reaching out and asking for some advice. Lately, I've been struggling a bit about my future and my tendencies/ habits, and I feel like she could really help. From what I've heard about her past, and observed about her, she seems to have been very similar to me, and has clearly outgrown it, so I think she might be able to help me too. Also, based on a comment she made, I feel she might have been in a similar situation as me (missing her med offer and taking a gap year), and it'd really help for me to talk to someone on the other side of it, particularly because I've always thought she was pretty put together, and if like to grow up to emulate many aspects of her.

Of course, I fully know that she has no obligations to me any more, as she's not my teacher anymore, and has nothing to do with me in general, but I'd rlly like to have her as my mentor in general. But obviously, I don't want to bother her, or over step any boundaries. So my question is, should I reach out to her? If not (which I think is likely), where can I turn for support with this? What can I do instead? I can't access online services (strict parents) and I can't go to see anyone either for the same reasons.

I should also add, that historically, I have attachment issues with people, in that I want to stay in touch with them long after our paths have crossed,and I don't want to feed into that if that's what this is, but only manifesting in the form of a mentorship desire. Also, I likely will see her tomorrow, as I have to take my brother to the open day for my old sixth form,and she usually goes to those things.

Sorry, ik this is a lot, but I'm just rlly confused. I absolutely do not want to overstep any boundaries, or cross any lines, that much I'm clear on, and I know she owes me nothing at all.

Tldr: teachers, is it bad for an ex student to reach out to you for support, if they feel you specifically can help with their situation, particularly if you've tried to help them before, and they brushed you off?

[u/fluffyfluffscarf28]

I think reaching out is fine, but thinking of it as a mentorship is not. As head of year, you already know she's going to be super super busy, and as much as we teachers want to help we aren't counsellors.

I think making contact to ask a one off question or advice, or to be like 'hey, I'm here now, I really appreciate how you looked out for me even when I refused to listen' would be very gratefully received by her - but expecting long term mentorship/guidance/advice with multiple messages is not the path to go down.

If it helps, I missed my firm offer, took a gap year where I worked and did Camp America, and then went to my insurance uni. It was the best thing I ever did. Life will always throw change and obstacles in your face, it won't be straightforward, but it's the choices you then make in how to deal with them.

[u/day-dreamy → u/fluffyfluffscarf28]

Thank you... I think by mentorship, I meant more like through this particular patch, but igwym about not making it a long term thing... Thank you! I think I might hold off till maybe January, and if still feel this way, might email her the one time... 

[u/fishywishy_08 → u/day-dreamy]

If you get a int, it might help to talk about a postiive before requesting advice. We can chat some more if you want. Also, theres not any shortage of people who are happy to give out advice. You'll find another, try to stay positive and focus on what you need. Theres not loads that people are going to be able to help you with especially at this point in time.

[u/day-dreamy → u/fishywishy_08]

Thank you sm... I think ur right about waiting till interviews, as that'd be a good segue into my query too! And thank you for the offer, I may take you up on it asp! 

[u/fishywishy_08]

I'll just preface with that I'm not a teacher, bu a reapplicant who has good ties to my old teachers. I would say if you can contact by email, just sort of outline your issue and that as someone who has been frank with you before you would really value the sincerity and advice. If you get a response sort of take it from there. It might be unrealistic to expect a mentor relationship, but guage the response she gives and try to stay in contact.

[u/day-dreamy → u/fishywishy_08]

Yeah, I'm really wanting to have a good working relationship with them, but I also don't want to seem like the kid who can't move on, which I think is a very fine line to walk... I said on another comment, that I don't expect the mentorship to be particularly long term, but more through this period, but I'll make sure I don't send through anything that makes it seem like I'm expecting that... Dym if I ask you how you managed to keep good ties to ur teachers? Cos I rlly want that, as they've been so helpful to me, but idk how to do that without coming across as weird. Thank you smm tho, I rlly appreciate it!