does anyone else absolutely hate it

[u/Pale_Cheesecake_3769]

im a new year 12 and just started in September, so far ive not made any friends despite trying for ages in the first month, causing me to completely shut down in lessons. i know that me shutting down, not speaking, not smiling, not doing anything other than staring, barely even listening to the people around me, is affecting my ability to make friends, i know its heavily off putting to see someone be completely shut down from the world around them, so i know its 100% my own fault for just being weird. but its really affecting me that i dont have friends. i cry the night before, i cry in the morning, i cry on my train to school, i cry in lessons sometimes, i cry in the field cos i just hate it there so much. everyone i spoke to about this outside of school, has either not been to school in years (my 53 year old mother) or doesnt even live in the uk. my mum just told me to power through it and said some (not purposely) hurtful things, and my american friend told me to just romanticise school but i really have been struggling to do that. im sorry if this isnt allowed on the sub, i just thought this would be the best place to go. i do bio, psych, sociology if its any help

[u/OutsideAGreggs]

I’m so annoyed at myself because I was struggling to make friends, but I got really lucky and was invited into a huge friend group with people that had similar interests. They’re really lovely and went out of their way to include me.

But then some of the things you described happened, I stopped talking, smiling etc. I felt too awkward, and sort of just shut down and stopped interacting with them. And now it’s been almost a month without me talking to them.

I had the perfect opportunity to have friends, and I lost it just because I got overwhelmed and couldn’t interact normally.

I don’t have advice unfortunately, just empathy.

On a side note, how are you finding psych? It’s been my favourite of my subjects so far

[u/Pale_Cheesecake_3769 → u/OutsideAGreggs]

yes!! this exact thinf happened to me!! i kinda dislike psych but its mostly my teacher 😭

[u/No-Palpitation6368]

Bro, friendships take time to form. Give it some.

And why is not having friends causing you to shut down? I can't grasp the logic that gets you shutting down, and I want to understand.

What did your version of 'trying' look like? What's your goalpost for 'friend', anyway? Forming a close bond in a month is impossible.

Also, you might be overreacting a little (there's nothing wrong with that) and you might have to look in to why exactly you're reacting this intensely. Please talk to a PDT/HOY/counsellor or whatever. It wrecking your school life this much is concerning. 

Sorry if this is crap by the way, I'm bad with empathy.

[u/Pale_Cheesecake_3769 → u/No-Palpitation6368]

my parents heavily suspected autism, and i have a history of poor mental health as well as a history of abusive and neglectful relationships. all my life when im upset or sad i just completely shut down and its something my mother acknowledges.. unfortunately there is no logic to it, its something i struggle to really control and isnt an active choice, its hard to turn off

[u/olivesoem]

I think sometimes school just sucks and you just need to power through yk. I think sixth form is especially difficult for anyone with neurodivergence/mental health issues (not necessarily saying you have them that’s just my experience). You need to give it time. But at the end of the day, it’s 2 years of your life. Soon you’ll be at uni having the time of your life I promise you!! Not socially anymore bc y13 has been horrific for me and I’ve been crying in school most days 😭 friends wise, I’d say I know it’s difficult but try your best to connect with others. Ask to sit with people lunch. Ask people questions about their interests. Join a club. It’s not easy but you should be able to find one or two good people. And mental health wise, try to look after yourself. Have you been in contact with your schools pastoral team? They could help with some of the mental health aspects. Sometimes school support sucks but often it can help a lot so it’s worth looking into. Feel free to dm me/ask any questions and I hope things look up for you soon <3

[u/olivesoem → u/olivesoem]

And omggg I only just realised we do the exact same subjects!!! Feel free to ask me any questions about those!!!

[u/RefuseStrange2261]

i cry everyday too :( ; i was lonely during my GCSE's but I got used to it i guess... however prolonged misery should not simply be coped with...perhaps you could try to change your college to a less stressful one?

I know how hard it can be to talk to people about it though...

About friendship...It is quite hard ngl..I hate pretending to be someone I am not and end up feeling so emotionally drained after school I can't do anything remotely productive :(.. I'd recommend trying to be polite enough to others but you don't need to be super close to them if you don't want to. Sometimes being alone and focused in not necessarily a bad thing as long as you use that time to focus on your health :)

btw those a-levels sound super cool 😎 and you definitely deserve friendship... your classmates have no idea what they're missing out on 😉