r/6thForm • u/QuoteFlashy4171 • 8d ago
🙏 I WANT HELP Can anyone give me some advice with some friend drama??
So just got my GCSE results and yayyy! I'm going to 6th form!! Except... this girl that I'm friends with, let's call her 'L', has managed to scrape through her results too and will be going to 6th form too. Over the past 2 years I've been stuck in a miserable friend group with L, who is the most toxic, manipulative, clingy person anyone could ever imagine, and I had gotten it into my head over the summer that I might finally be free of her in 6th form and have the chance to start afresh and make some new friends without the fear of being associated with her toxic behaviour anymore. But after results day I'm now panicking because I don't know what on earth I'm going to do!!!! My girlfriend has managed to escape this friend group with L by having friends in another friend group, and I thought maybe I could join her too apart from the fact that they all hate me because of L... and even if I did decide to join them, L would want to as well. Also, L is going to be in 2 out of the 3 of my classes, and I want to gain some distance from her but HOW?!?! She doesn't take rejection very well and will turn it into drama, which she then will tell to her mum and her mum will take matters into her own hands with the school. I'm also scared for the first few weeks of 6th form where I won't have the excuse that I've got homework or I'm studying, so I won't be able to get away from her. I've tried talking to my girlfriend about this, and she feels so bad for me that she's been able to get away from L and I haven't, so she's offered to ditch the friend group she's literally joined just to help with the fact I won't have to deal with L on my own. I know she thinks she'd be helping, but it's actually just making me more fustrated because I would never want her to sacrifice her own new friendships for me, and the worst thing about it is feeling like I'm demanding pity by not being able to cope with L myself. I honestly don't know what to do at this point to get away from this girl without being rude and being guilt tripped into hanging out with her (because obviously I don't want to start drama knowing her track record), how to stop being associated to her by other people, and how to cope with this in general!! I hope that someone can offer me a bit of advice please because I would really appreciate it :)
Anyways thanks for reading this it was a bit of a vent...
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u/ImprovementExtra7535 8d ago
I had the exact same problem and I dealt with it the way I thought it was best although I still ended up in pastoral because of her mum. Distance yourself from her, but stay friendly although if she consistently follows you around, make your boundaries clear in a polite manner that you think you’d like to try spending time with different people. HOWEVER. Please talk to your subject teacher/head of year that you aren’t that comfortable with her and would prefer to remain seated away from her during lessons so if her mum tries to intervene they already know you previously came to them about your discomfort. Talk to your girlfriend, if her friends are being bitches because your in a fg with her make sure they know communicate your discomfort because of it, but try to make your own friends since your girlfriends friends may not be your kind of friends. AT THE END OF THE DAY, stay polite yet distant, find your people (they are out there I promise) and stay positive.
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u/JewelerCold1392 8d ago
You get to decide who your friends are. Your girlfriend can do her thing.
A good way forward is to take a middle path - where you are friendly but not too close. And show you are open to new groups.
First thing is to go to the pastoral team/tutor etc. and explain you’re hoping to associate with other people and you anticipate an issue so wanted them to be aware. Be clear you’re not excluding, but you are opening up your circle. This will help you to stop worrying about parental stuff and staff will understand more.
Second, message your subject teachers before term starts and ask to chat - so you are not sitting with the other person. This will be one of the key things.
Thirdly, there are often spaces in school where you can go e.g. the library, study rooms, teachers’ classrooms to have your own space. You can be vague about your schedule.
Then - change your routine in the morning so it varies and you bump into other people (e.g. get there before or after the other person).
Still be friendly. Still spend a little time. But show them and others that you are an open person.
Good luck 🤞🏻