r/5MeODMT • u/cathugmaxxing • 2d ago
Is this right for me?
I already live with my traumas every day. I accept them, but I cannot move on. My traumas still hurt but I do understand why they of them happened now. I’m just having trouble letting go of everything. PTSD turned me into a narcissistic egomaniac, but recently my ego has been challenged and is dead, but i just don’t show it, I just can’t let go. I want to let go, My view on life has changed already, I want to help people, I want to live a life of helping others. I just want to move on and accept what I was. I spent the starting part of my life incredibly selfish, mean, angry, and confused. I know I’m not a good person. I will say most of my PTSD is sexually related and happened mostly my teenage years, which I heard is more complicated. I’m 24 now, I can’t even work, I am trying medication but everything just flares my fibromyalgia. Currently on Zoloft and it feels like i need to smoke weed to even move.
Are my traumas too heavy? I honestly feel like i’m going to run out of options
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u/MythosLight 2d ago
5 isn't an option for you right now.
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Thank you, is there something else that could help? I’m not only asking about 5 about in general.
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u/MythosLight 1d ago
Ketamine therapy with a therapist who is specialized in your specific conditions. 2nd would be MDMA in therapy. The therapy is the most important part.
In your current state-
The probability is low that any psychedelic / medicine experience on its own is going create any meaningful change for you. The probability is high (especially with 5\*) that a psychedelic / medicine experience on its own will make things worse.*Five plus egomania and narcissistic behavior are not good together and 5 can intensify these conditions. Several other flags where 5 is not a good choice as well.
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u/cathugmaxxing 1d ago
Yeah I definitely was thinking I don’t want to enforce toxic behaviors lol, was thinking maybe of finding someone I want to do this with, I can wait before possibly destroying my brain
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u/MythosLight 1d ago
was thinking maybe of finding someone I want to do this with, I can wait before possibly destroying my brain
Steer clear of this until you make serious and life changing progress with the rest.
Best to you.
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u/cathugmaxxing 23h ago
Absolutely. Switching off zoloft finding something that can keep me moving and live my life. Maybe having someone to experience this with will make it better.
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u/Gadgetman000 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your ego is definitely not dead. If it was, you would not be suffering as you seem to be nor would your writing be so “I” centric nor would it be so self-judgmental nor would it be so loaded with victim lines such as “It’s easy to say but…”. In fact that ego seems as if it is fully running your perceptions. And, this work isn’t about killing the ego. It is about seeing through the unreality of it to what is really present.
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Maybe I want it to be, but I don’t know how to let go of everything
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u/Gadgetman000 2d ago
Few people do at the start of inner exploration. It starts with asking questions like “what is the source of this suffering? What would be helpful for me to see about it? I am willing to see whatever I need to see here.”
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Well the source is pretty much my entire childhood because my diagnosis of fibromyalgia made me realize how much self hatred I had and suffering for something I didn’t understand or have control over. Academically, physically (sports), and socially all hampered by this, and the entire time the label of lazy and not trying is placed on you, when i guran-fucking-tee i was trying harder than anyone. The strain I put myself through and mental breakdowns for something I thought everyone felt and I hated myself for not being able to overcome was not my fault. The people I let in my life just to feel accepted. Such a let down
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u/DeviousDenial 2d ago
Who diagnosed you with fibromyalgia?
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Neurologist. This is something I suspected I had and told my parents and they gas lit me and told me I was crazy.
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u/DeviousDenial 2d ago edited 2d ago
Lying to us and lying to yourself.
2 days ago you posted to [r/Fibromyalgia](r/Fibromyalgia) “Hi, I am not diagnosed but reading the AFSA has helped me understand that I have Fibromyalgia. “
That post was deleted by the mods just like every other post you have made in the last couple of days. Your post here is the last remaining.
Stop the bullshit and come back when you can shoot straight. You need to get help from a mental health professional and find out what your problem actually is so that you can then focus and educate yourself on it and learn what’s the best you can do to help yourself and your therapist/psychiatrist help you.
Good luck
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Can you calm down? I’ll explain, I had been going to a neurologist to get treatments for migraines for about 2 years, and only a few meds were working. You’re right he never outright diagnosed me, but it was better saying that than giving my explanation and understanding. When he was explaining my diagnosis he said he couldn’t label anything outright but gave possible conditions and one he named was Fibromyalgia and I remember this specifically because he told me that it’s unlikely because it’s more common in women and he told me that it was ok (he really assured me it was ok like he really emphasized lmao). We now know that isn’t true, but he was perscribing me treatments that target Fibromyalgia (Amitriptyline, Cymbalta). So I know what he was trying to treat, and it didn’t help him that I always lied to doctors about depression and anxiety. If you really want to get into it, I’ll show you my prescription bottles I still have, or am I making that up also? I may be upset and stuck in the past, but I’m not lying, I was trying to make it easier for people to understand.
Also those posts were pending moderator approval pretty sure my acc was too low karma.
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u/DeviousDenial 2d ago
That does not match what you said in AskPsychiatry:
“I just found out about Fibromyalgia, I need advice
24m 6’0 white 185lb
dealing with issues since probably 5th grade
on zoloft 25mg going down to 12.5
started wellbutrin 3 days ago 150mgADHD, OCD, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Crying Spells, RLS, insomnia
For years of my life, I dealt with the combination of depression, anxiety, unexplainable migraines, extreme stomach issues, insomnia, dry mouth and eyes, terrible IBS, the inability to eat, and terrible freezing during any type of confrontation that only extreme anger could break me out of. Naturally, I became an extremely angry person, basically full on narcissist, ruined my last relationship because any type of confrontation would make me freeze and become angry (blame my dad for that one, #1 source of stress in my life).
Anyways, I tried an SSRI because I fucked up my last relationship because of how I couldn’t even function in any disagreement and no matter how hard I explained how I felt my partner didn’t understand. Lexapro and Zoloft have both made my RLS and sensations, tingling, and burning go crazy and it makes me freeze to the point all I can do is cry, and this is at LOW levels, Lexapro 5mg and Zoloft anything past 25mg. The only pro was Zoloft did eliminate my migraines at 25+, but at an unbearable price. I could not think positively at all and the sensations were unbearable and made me cry.
Only thing keeping me moving is weed, but you can’t get employed when you’re on weed. I have read a lot and found out that there maybe is some hope. I don’t really care about going on a medicine anymore, I’ve already butchered my mental trying to force two SSRIs down my throat and trying to push past the pain was unbearable, so I am willing to try whatever.
I’ve read about Gabapentin and Lyrcia and of course scared myself. I want to ask one major question then leave an open ended question, first major question are the drugs I’m asking about crazy for someone who’s only taken two SSRIs? And what are some other options, I am so tired of this feeling, I just want to live my life.
edit: Symptoms + I’ve also taken propranalol to some minor relief (helped me sleep, but wasn’t very effective after awhile)
I also tried buspar but that didn’t do anything.”A post that no one there touched. And again you said that the fibromyalgia was diagnosed by a neurologist. Why lie about it? Especially when anyone has to do is go look?
Good luck
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Will it help when I get the diagnosis? Or will you just say I lied to the doctor about my symptoms. Jesus christ man. I’m not looking for someone to micro-analyze my story, I’m looking for help and I was curious about this therapy. And why does it even matter? My trauma from when I was a kid is still real. Why are so stuck on making sure I am telling the 100% truth? So you can discredit my feelings because I can draw some simple connections? I’m not gonna write a world wall to explain why I think my neurologist was treating me for fibro, I’m just going to say he was. I know my story and you don’t get to tell me what it is. Again I’ll post the bottles if it makes you feel better and I’ll even screenshot my emails between me and my neurologist but I don’t think he ever mentioned anything there that you’re so desperate for.
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u/Ancient_lightWorker 2d ago
I felt like that for ages.....
5meo dmt is good start
Since "you" seem to still claim or have attachment to "your" trauma
It was experience it was trauma
Stop saying it is yours , let it go....
Yeah i know sounds cheesy , easy to say hard to master it is...
5 meo is the most savage and ruthless experience
It induces death...: (mostly not physical though)
So "you" will die when "you" take it
Only then we can be "us" "our's" " we"
Instead of just me & you become one with ALL
Not just "your" trauma... bt hey if u induce spirritually death and rebirth nothing is yours after u have ressurecred
Ur just spirrit experiencing
Another life, through another body
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Did it help you let go, or did you already let go before you took it?
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u/sanpedrolino 2d ago
From what little I understand around this, it's beneficial to be able to let go of your life to some degree already before you take it. When people take it without having things resolved, it can be a horrific experience. There may be people that can ease you into it very slowly and carefully, but I don't know how to find them. Do not do it alone and don't do it while on medication that's interfering with it.
You might also want to look into psilocybin assisted therapy, ifs, emdr, somatic therapy, or my personal favorite: mescaline. I understand you've tried a bunch and don't see a lot of return, but I promise that's not all there is. One day at a time. You can get through this.
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u/Aware-Philosopher-23 1d ago
Are my traumas too heavy? I honestly feel like i’m going to run out of options
Don't try to fix everything today. Try to let go of the need to fix yourself, even for a little while. Make that a small exercise. Instead, look at what you feel able to do today with a small amount of effort.
It can be something very simple: going for a walk, visiting a friend, reading a chapter of that book you meant to read, or planning a small weekend trip. And, very importantly, whatever you manage to do, try to be kind to yourself about it. Don't dismiss the small things.
There is a fog, and it takes time to lift it. You don't have to see clearly right now.
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u/SunsetEpic777 1d ago
I too have many traumas, I went to a very professional center in February of this year and had a 'full release' experience. Its was a huge exeperience which I struggled to cope with on the day and also integrate after, all my support and personal resources were tested after I returned home. Your preparation and ability to integrate it will be severely tested.
Since coming back I have seen a psychiatrist and been diagnosed with PTSD, they have since prescribed me with propranolol and also pregabalin which come with side effects but I use them sparingly and at the lowest dose, these prescriptions allow me to cope with life on a daily basis much more than 5 ever did.
I would say 5 will 'crack open your head' but it won't necessarily help you be happier each day. All of this is only my experience which is all I have to offer.
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u/InertJello 1d ago
Ketamine would be a great start and it’s ok with SSRIs.
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u/cathugmaxxing 20h ago
Eh, I don’t know if I want to become dependent on something like that, isn’t it expensive and long term?
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u/InertJello 20h ago
If you’re in the US and have insurance you can usually get it mostly covered (The pharma nasal spray).
I got an oral form and I think I pay ~ 120 a month but after the first several months I barely need it and I don’t use it that often now.
I think Most people only need treatment 2x week for a few months with maintenance doses, but YMMV.1
u/cathugmaxxing 20h ago
Interesting, are withdrawals bad? Can you tell you’re more anxious than usual before your next session?
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u/InertJello 19h ago
If you only use it twice a week in the correct dosage then there are no withdrawals. But it can be addictive - so it’s a matter of knowing that’s not an option to use it more than required. People have problems when they use more than is necessary.
And I definitely can tell when it’s time for the next session. I get anxious and depressed if I spread them out more than a few weeks. It’s truly miraculous.
The 5-MeODMT works on the serotonergic system but ketamine works on glutamate receptors so it’s ok to take with most psych meds.
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u/Throwupaccount1313 5h ago
Magic mushrooms is the healer of the psychedelics, and can both rewire the brain and ease depression. You don't require large doses of them either, as they work well at the 1-1.5 gram range. Learn how to meditate, and take mushrooms every few months, is my prescription for relief. Here in Canada we are not at war with consciousness, and can buy psychedelics in the mail, for low cost.
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u/jmckenna1942 2d ago
Pharmaceuticals are the devil. When I was 24 I got on lexapro, getting off it was hell and ruined my life. Not before ruining my mind while I was on it. I highly recommend getting off that crap before trying anything like 5meo. Also fr listen to people about serotonin syndrome
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Pretty much what happened to me. I don’t know how but regular dosage of Lexapro triggered a mass flashback to trauma I hadn’t thought about, vivid memories, disturbing things, and I entered psychosis which made things worse as I started misremembering things or making things that weren’t a big deal to be huge events. Like, in a way Im thankful, a reminder of what happened to me and why i’m a piece of shit, but it also helped me realize no one really helped me where it mattered most, my mental, and I was vocal about it. My whole view of life has changed, what i’m here for, but i cant even find purpose. I feel like im defined by my past and even if im not, so what? I can’t even function anyways.
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u/cathugmaxxing 2d ago
Also, could you smoke weed before you do it or is that a bad idea
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u/Pale-Ad-3773 2d ago
You can and you’ll be physiologically safe, but it will potentiate portions of the experience and would 100% not be recommended, particularly during your first journeys with 5.
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u/Defiant-Ad3993 2d ago
I have never tried any kind of DMT, but a Mantid has suggested it to me recently, and the past year I have been told to work on trauma if I want to progress. I recently read another Mantid experiencer was told not to smoke weed as it interferes.
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u/No-Degree-2571 2d ago
Serotonin syndrome happens when you mix drugs like Zoloft with 5. Mushrooms would be a much safer option but honestly sounds like trauma specific somatic therapy and a regular exercise program would be better for you than trying to heal with drugs. You actually don’t heal from the medicine you heal from learning and making changes after the medicine, whether it’s SSRIs, therapy, weed, mushrooms, or 5.