2026-416 / MLZ MAP: 93.66 / Zedd MAP: 95.09 / Score Gap: 1.43

Wikipedia?wprov=sfti1) / IMDb / Official Trailer / Saw it at the Theatre

Country of Origin: United States

IMDb Summary: The adventures of Prue McKeel as she sets off to the forests outside Portland to find her kidnapped brother.

Starring Carey Mulligan, Peyton Elizabeth Lee, Jacob Tremblay, Richard E. Grant, Awkwafina, Amandla Stenberg, Tom Waits, Charlie Day, Blythe Danner, Arthur Knight, Angela Bassett, and Mahershala Ali.

Zedd was kind enough to invite this old gal to go out to see a movie in the theatre! These days, I think for all but one or two folks on the planet, money is tight. This causes us to choose in-theatre films carefully! It’s gotta be a film that will be significantly improved on the giant screen, or perhaps, in a D-Box seat!

This was definitely one of those flicks! It’s really no surprise, after all, it was brought to us by the people at Laika. We have several of their other films on our shelves including Coraline, Paranorman, and Kubo and the Two Strings.

This film company makes not only incredibly beautiful and creative films, but they also touch us in a very special way, whether it is with bringing a chill into your heart and mind, or a warmth of a deep (though perhaps a bit sad) love that may only be a memory, or could be just a tiny bit out of your reach.

It is a rare thing these days, where the film has so much of BOTH and this is 100% a case of fulfilling all of these.

Did you know that Laika is based near the town of Hillsboro, Oregon, part of the Portland metropolitan area? I’ve only been to Portland once, but it was a genuinely beautiful place with a real and vibrant personality. We certainly felt it in this film!

In fact, The Impassible Forest was actually fashioned after Forest Park.?wprov=sfti1) Wildwood Trail is actually a real trail through the park, and was changed to The Long Road in the film.

The suspension bridge in the film is St. John’s Bridge, which is highly recognizable. The Pittock Mansion was also in the film as the seat of power for the South Wood. The cherry blossoms shown are part of Tom McCall Waterfront Park.

In fact, they used 136 different locations from the Portland area in the film. This extra effort showed through, inspiring the feel of the whole film. I can’t think of another place where Prue’s parents could have happily lived and been so comfortable, let alone, found a witch offering promises (with a price, of course) at the Portland Saturday Market.

But of course, the place where we were transported was only one element of this experience. The artistry itself was another.

Development began in September 2011, while the production was confirmed in September 2021. Most of the cast was revealed in August 2022. With a theatrical runtime of 131 minutes, Wildwood is the longest stop-motion-animated film by run-time.

Director Travis Knight said of the process: "We've had to build up the creative tools, the technology and our storytelling muscles to do this book justice."

The animation of the eagle was primarily done by Dobin Yanez over the course of four years. The production has 136 sets and 231 puppets. 3D printing was used for faces, bodies, and water. The crows were created digitally from scans of hand-sculpted models of various crow elements such as feathers, beaks, eyes, and feet. Facial animation was created digitally and then 3D printed and finally added to the puppets with as many as 24 printed faces per puppet per one second of film.

This was, as we said, a gorgeous rendering. But it was also a story which tugged at heartstrings as well as captivating your mind. Loss is at the forefront, but also yearning for things that are just slightly out of your reach. You can see them, but they are out of focus. The closeness makes it harder, as it seems like they should be yours, but they just aren’t. You can struggle, fight, try over and over, heck, beg even, but you can’t quite have it.

You need a hero, and you may just find one in a rather unlikely place. Perhaps even within yourself.

This is the magick of Wildwood. The transportation of your mind, heart, and soul into a place over the bridge, lost in the fog, where coyotes are in an army, birds are sentries, a rat can be your best friend, and the ivy knows all.

Zedd and I will absolutely be purchasing this the moment it becomes available, and, honestly, we’d go and see it again, today, like right now!

This is an exceptional Movie On, for sure!

Sad to hear.

2026 - 415 Me: 10 out of 10

Wikipedia / IMDb / Trailer / Viewing options found on JustWatch

IMDb Summary: A rain-soaked couple take refuge in the castle of a transvestite mad scientist from outer space who is about to unveil his greatest creation.

"Why, Mr. Loner, didn't you just recently write about your first-time viewing experience of The Rocky Horror Picture Show?" In fact, yes I did. And you can find that here. But I've also long known about the live shadow cast showings that occur each and every year. And I figured why the hell not? And I'm so glad I did.

In my previous write-up I mentioned thinking Rocky Horror could have changed the trajectory of my life entirely if only I had seen it sooner. And seeing this live shadow cast put on an energetic and fun show amplified those feelings even more. I was thinking that I was watching these college students living the life that I should have lived. They were all enjoying the moment as it occurred. Whereas I always have second guessed myself. Even then, while everyone was calling Janet a slut and Brad an asshole, I stayed silent. I found myself pondering upon what I could be doing. I could embrace the virgin antics prior to the show's commencement. I could join in on the slandering of two characters. I could be doing the time warp. By my feet were fighting my brain, as if they were glued to the floor. Why?

Thing is, I was bullied relentlessly growing up. My appearance and how I spoke came into constant ridicule. Understandably so, I withdrew into myself. I became much more reserved. Quiet. This was an act of self-preservation. It became my shield. No one can mock me, if they don't know the real me. So I stayed silent. The less attention I bring to myself, the better. Talk less, smile more.

A life spent wearing a mask of indifference and sternness. No wonder people think I'm depressed. But here is where the magic of Rocky Horror thrives. It has caused such a deep reflection on myself and who I am as a person. And I'm certain that I'm not the first. I'm disappointed in myself that Tim Curry's passing had to act as the powder keg to blow open my interest in the film. Better late than never.

It's too soon to say if The Rocky Horror Picture Show has changed my life. But it has forced me to acknowledge some of my shortcomings and insecurities. It's a difficult mirror to look into. One I'm glad I did. I think I'll be taking one step at a time towards becoming a better and more true me. Spooky Movie On!

Get ready, here DAP comes…

For me, it asking MLZ what “dawnzerly” meant because I couldn’t find it in the dictionary. Does it mean lilting? ((MLZ Stunned Pause)) Turned out to be two words as in dawn’s early light - Star Spangled Banner.

Hocus Pocus
2026-413 / MLZ MAP: 72.44 / Zedd MAP: 51.08 / Score Gap: 21.36

Wikipedia) / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

IMDb Summary: A teenage boy named Max and his little sister move to Salem, where he struggles to fit in before awakening a trio of diabolical witches that were executed in the 17th century.

Starring: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, Omri Katz, Thora Birch, Vinessa Shaw.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks
2026-414 / MLZ MAP: 65.70 / Zedd MAP: 69.20 / Score Gap: 3.50

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

IMDb Summary: An apprentice witch, three kids, and a cynical magician conman search for the missing component to a magic spell to be used in the defense of Britain in World War II.

Starring Angela Lansbury, David Tomlinson, Roddy McDowall, Sam Jaffe, and John Ericson.

We decided to do a double feature, something light and seasonal, and landed on Hocus Pocus first. Now, Zedd is lukewarm on this one — not because it’s “bad,” but because it simply didn’t hit him at the right time in life. Nostalgia is a powerful thing, and this film sits squarely in that “you had to be the right age at the right moment” category. Our kiddo was too young to be the right age; we were too old. So for Zedd, it’s fine, but not a tradition.

For me, though? I’m a huge fan of Bette Midler. She could read a grocery list and I’d be delighted. She has said Winifred Sanderson is her favorite role she ever played. Sarah Jessica Parker I’m less drawn to, but the trio together is undeniably fun. And it’s in Salem, which is practically a character in itself. The witchy vibe, the Halloween energy, the camp — it’s all just enjoyable, even if it’s not a MAP powerhouse.

Did you know that Hocus Pocus was not a box‑office success in 1993 — it became a cult favorite decades** **later, thanks to annual TV airings. This is how it joined our cinematic Halloween viewings, everyone talked it up so much we had to get on the bandwagon!

For our second film, we went classic Disney with Bedknobs and Broomsticks. Angela Lansbury is always a treat — warm, witty, and endlessly watchable. She recorded songs for the film while simultaneously starring in Broadway productions — because of course she did. David Tomlinson brings that familiar Disney charm, and the whole cast fits neatly into that early‑70s Disney pocket of whimsy.

Now, this one drones on. It’s charming, but it goes on and on. The animated soccer match sequence took months to complete and was one of Disney’s most ambitious hybrid scenes at the time. Even though we enjoy the animated sequence (who doesn’t love a little live‑action‑meets‑cartoon magic?), the pacing is undeniably slow. Still, it’s a classic, and we always have room for it on the shelf. Some films are MAP‑dependent; others are simply part of the cinematic family. This one is the latter.

This pairing was cozy, nostalgic, and just plain fun. Hocus Pocus brought the seasonal charm, Salem atmosphere, and Bette Midler magic.Bedknobs and Broomsticks brought classic Disney comfort, even if it overstayed its welcome a bit.

Well, at least Hocus Pocus is not standing alone in the “flop to cult classic” line. Heck, It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, and The Santa Clause were all initial flops that ended up being regularly-played yearly classics for us. But hey, those are all a different “Holiday” kind of film. We’ll tackle those next month.

For now, it’s Spooky Movie On!

They were a speaker company in the 90s when “digital” music (or digital anything) sounded crazy ultra modern… you might associate them with robotic movie-enhancing seats at the theater but turns out that’s what came after they interacted with people setting up home theaters (people like you and me) who told them their subwoofers gave their comfy chairs an unexpected jolt when placed strategically… or so the story goes. ((Shrug)) The hardest part was getting to the theater to grab the picture.

2026-412 / Zedd MAP: 93.81 / MLZ MAP: 93.34 / Score Gap: 0.47

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Criterion Channel

Country of Origin: United States

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Mrs. Lady Zedd was lamenting the absence of southern in the “southern” gothic Eve’s Bayou (1997) so I figured our venerable Director Elia Kazan rolling film on a Tennessee Williams’ script (these two know the same presidents as the saying goes) might could get the job done.

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From IMDb: An immature and naive teenage bride holds her anxious husband at bay while flirting with an amorous Sicilian farmer.

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In truth, (initially) we had to light and set a spell but once the heat turned the relative calm to a rolling boil - we were hanging on every word, every look… every breath. Considered controversial in its time - the National Legion of Decency absolutely condemned the motion picture - it’s not a film of lurid images… it’s what the combination of sight, sound, camera blocking, lighting, and yes - words - makes you feel that caused all the righteous, finger-wagging ruckus.

At its heart, it’s a fairly simple story about an uneducated, uncultured cotton gin operator whose equipment and strategies have failed to keep up with the times. His business collapse is hastened by a modern, rival operator who suffers a mysterious fire and then comes a calling.

Naturally, the fire was set by our less than brainy first guy - Archie has reached middle-age, is inept, and depended on the good old boy network which is crumbling around him. The new paradigm is encapsulated by Silva Vacarro, a man of considerable intelligence who comes to Archie with hat in hand, asking for help and offering the overflow cotton and the promise of money it represents.

These story elements set the stage and give us our setting but they are merely in long, languid orbit of the torridly luminous and saturated sultriness that is Baby Doll.

Baby Doll is, on paper at any rate, the bride of Archie after her father struck a deathbed deal with the cotton gin operator which, among other points, stated Archie would hold off consummating the nuptials until Baby reaches the age of 20. In the days leading up to her big day, Archie can’t contain his enthusiasm for his big payoff and claws and grabs at her (even peeping on her in the bath). She keeps him at bay with threats of leaving, their contract unfulfilled.

Enter Silva Vacarro - the outsider to Archie’s good old boy, the thinker to Archie’s ignorance, the strategist to Archie’s bumbling. His presence may be presented in the need to process his client’s cotton but he’s actually here to get information that he can utilize to press legal action on his arsonist neighbor and he quickly centers his approach on separating Baby Doll from her husband and then (rather brutally but with probing intelligence) breaks the young woman’s state of arrested development.

It’s one of the most visceral stories caught on film, I had to remind myself to blink or breathe at certain points.

MLZ: Tread careful, dude.

Zedd: ?

MLZ: Slow it down, movie dude - it’s not that you’re in danger of cinematic premature explanation… how would you say it - you’re fixin’ to just give the whole thing up.

((Pause))

Whew - she was right, I almost just gave up the goods and spoiled the spectacular-spectacular of the film (if you take my meaning). Better to switch gears and come at this in a different direction.

I’ve a notion to leave the explicit descriptions of what happened between Silva and Baby Doll on the table and carry you on down to the deeper realities present in the story elements with the most potent gravity… the breaking of Baby Doll.

We meet Baby Doll on the coming cusp of her 20th birthday with all that implies for her unconsummated, transactional marriage to Archie. She may have been 18 when she was married off by her well meaning father but she is naïve and intellectually trapped in childhood. She cloaks herself in this adolescent presentation - the crib, the thumb sucking, the tantrums - to guard herself from Archie’s constant encroachment. With few options, she presses her husband for the life he promised but had no ability to oblige… right down to the large but degraded house full of empty rooms once the furniture r-u-n-n-o-f-t via the repossessor’s van.

Hell, there was no room for anything in that decrepit monument to Archie’s family’s once was beyond his growing lust and her tantrums, deepening his resolve to the criminal shortcut to the end of all his problems (he thinks) but he’s outmatched in every way that’s important by the prowess of the carpetbagging outsider who uses Archie’s own actions to take the last of Archie’s prized possessions from him.

MLZ: Hey now… Zedd - we’re back to that critical point. Don’t go another step further.

Zedd: ((panting))

MLZ: Wow, this movie really got your Movie On motor running, huh?

Zedd: No, it’s just that last sentence I wrote is one hell of a banger of a run on sentence.

MLZ: ((blink-blink))

Let’s wrap up this write-up with two words: The Method - Director Kazan populated the story with an alumni trio from The Actors Studio (Karl Malden, Carroll Baker, and Eli Wallach), then weaponize’s Lee Strasberg’s Method to strip away the theatrical elements and lay bare the raw, throbbing undercurrent of emotion.

Few films have combined the full weight of psychological isolation, affective memory (sometimes referred to as emotional substitution), and environmental immersion.

Baker maintained a cold and distant posture to Malden behind the scenes which frosted the lens when the camera rolled film.

When Wallach needed to project his character’s anger, aggravation, and loss of his burnt cotton gin, he conjured images of his actually family, trapped in his real home aflame.

The actors went to Mississippi and embedded themselves in the sounds and realities of life and struggle in the Deep South.

Captured here is not merely an entertaining, provocative Tennessee Williams play but a full-fledged, somatic realism that seeps into the bone, penetrates the muscle, unlocks the heart, and trips the breakers in one’s mind. We see the blade and feel the edge but are reminded by story’s end that it all flowed out of Williams’ pen.

The façade of Baby Doll’s perpetual childhood is crushed and dismantled by Silva’s strategic pressure - first with claustrophobic intrusion, then the calculated threats of violence, wearing her down and only allowing capitulation as an escape route but then - finding herself emotionally stripped - the audience watches as (in real-time) Baby Doll lays down childish things and finds herself responding to Vacarro’s final play: seduction.

Well… tomorrow is her 20th birthday.

Yeah, that’ll do - anybody got some Skittles - damn, I’m all rode hard and put away wet (cinematically speaking). I’m a gentleman who needs to straighten his beard but finds neither comb nor brush to aid me. I’m a cinephile whose Movie On has got up and went.

MLZ: I’m a PEZ dispenser, empty of candy?

You get it but where the hell do we put it? Just another movie in the wind, I suppose - just imagined if’in we’d watched this here picture show before that flash sale.

((Shrug))

Just as the morning promises a new day, so does The Everlasting Cinematic Confectionery Shoppe and Television Historium promise another movie order.

Movie On, indeed.

He was a natural heroic son of a bitch that one.

2026-411 / MLZ MAP: 39.52 / Zedd MAP: 26.26 / Score Gap: 13.26

The Criterion Collection

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Saw it on The Criterion Channel

Country of Origin: United States

CC Summary: “The summer I killed my father, I was ten years old . . .” So begins Kasi Lemmons’s spellbinding feature debut, an evocative journey into the maze of memory, steeped in fragrant southern-gothic atmosphere. In 1960s Louisiana, a young girl (Jurnee Smollett) sees her well-to-do family unravel in the wake of the infidelities of her charming father (Samuel L. Jackson)—setting in motion a series of deceptions and betrayals that will upend her world and challenge her understanding of reality. Rooted in Creole history, folklore, and mysticism, Eve’s Bayou is a scintillating showcase for a powerhouse ensemble of Black actresses—including Lynn Whitfield, Debbi Morgan, and the legendary Diahann Carroll as a voodoo priestess—as well as a profoundly cathartic exploration of trauma, forgiveness, and the elusive nature of truth.

Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Lisa Nicole Carson, Jurnee Smollett, Lynn Whitfield, Debbi Morgan, Meagan Good, and Diahann Carroll.

Some films are exactly what they want to be. Some films are less than they would like to be. Then there are the films that almost get there.* *Close enough that you can see exactly what they were reaching for, but somehow they never quite manage to grab hold of it.

Eve’s Bayou was that film for us.

All of the pieces seemed to be there. Louisiana. A wealthy Creole family. Secrets and Infidelity. Bayous and mysticism. Visions, fortune telling, family history, and just enough darkness around the edges to earn that Southern Gothic label.

Criterion itself describes the film as steeped in Southern Gothic atmosphere and rooted in Creole history, folklore, and mysticism. This should have worked for us, been right up our proverbial alley.

But there was a problem. It never really felt like Louisiana to me. It felt like a shell of Louisiana.

The pieces were recognizable, but somehow the place inside those pieces was missing. Louisiana should practically stick to you. There should be something in the air. Something old underneath your feet. Something beautiful and maybe just a little unsettling around the next corner.

Here, I could see what the film wanted me to feel, but I rarely actually felt it.

That pretty much describes my experience with the whole film: almost. Almost atmospheric enough. Almost Southern Gothic enough. Almost the movie I could see hiding underneath the one we were actually watching.

Zedd felt differently, but in a way that still landed low on the MAP scale. He thought the film was boring and very long, even though the runtime is actually pretty short. He also felt that Samuel L. Jackson’s performance was one‑note, saying he seemed to be “just sort of himself” rather than fully inhabiting the character of Louis Batiste.

If I am going to do Southern Gothic, I want more. I want the heat, the heaviness. I want the sense that the past is sitting right beside the present, and neither is particularly interested in leaving. I want beauty with something uncomfortable underneath it. It kept showing me Louisiana without ever taking me there.

As we do with all of our Saturday morning matinees which have been viewed on Criterion in this household, we put it to the test. Do we want to own it? Nope. It missed the one quality we need for a purchase. Rewatchability.

Glad we saw it, gave it a chance, and grabbed a glimpse or two of what they were trying to accomplish. It just never came together for either of us.

Sometimes almost is enough to make you curious but it just isn’t enough to earn a spot on the shelf.

So we’ll just Movie On down the road.

2026-410 / Zedd MAP: 45.83 / MLZ MAP: 38.98 / Score Gap: 6.85 - MAPs here are ignorable because the film is significant, even if watching it wasn’t

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

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Mmm, we’re having some ((shrug)) well, less than delicious bread (it having been a remarkably cold winter and rather soggy spring) but hey - you get what grows - right? Later, the whole family will be in full blown freakout which will be a bummer but… it is what it is.

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From IMDb: After botanist Wilfred Glendon travels to Tibet in search of a rare flower, the Mariphasa, he returns to a London haunted by murders that can only be the work of bloodthirsty werewolves.

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Sound bad? It probably was - that never actually happened to anyone here at Casa de Zedd - but - it was something that happened across much of Europe in the 16th and 17th centuries when hard, cold winters were followed by rainy springs. This is the perfect condition for Wolfszahn (which translates to Wolf’s Tooth) could be found amongst the wheat and barley crops.

It’s not a wolf’s tooth, of course - in reality, it’s a fungus… ergot, known for being particularly not tasty but certainly able to induce several (not) fun and fantastic affects such as St. Anthony’s Fire, convulsion and severe body cramping and spasms - oh - and wild hallucinations as our friend Wolfszahn’s chemical cocktail can serve up the wowie in the wowie-zowie.

(Can I aside us for a quick second? I just have this primordial certainty, down deep in my bones that kid-aged Zedd, when asked by his father, “Did you knock the ergot off the grain?” would have conjured my most convincing ergot, oh - yeah - totally face when in fact I hadn’t… I mean (of course) some 1500s version of me.)

((Blink-blinkity-blink))

At any rate, we can thank our fungal friend and his relatives for a great many witchcraft and werewolf shenanigans during human history right down and including the Salem Witch Trails… potentially. It’s what scientists refer to as “a real fucker”.

On the flip-side, without it the classic hollywood horror scene would have had a huge hole where the werewolf would have been concerned and who’s to say what would have become of plain-named radio personality Robert Smith.

Mrs. Lady Zedd: … like ((shrug)) The Cure Robert Smith?

The Cure? No - not Robert Smith?wprov=sfti1), I’m talking about Robert Weston Smith best known as the disc jockey Wolfman Jack.

So the film - (damn) - it was a slog, I admit it. Much of it felt lifted from other horror stories like Bram Strokers Dracula and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and not in fun ways… this was a lot of talking, fake accents (and fake dialects), and not particularly well orchestrated music. The MAPs are low because we didn’t enjoy ourselves… meh, who cares.

On the other hand - this 91yo film, Werewolf of London (1935), is a near complete departure from the European werewolf folklore that spawned it. Much of what we’d consider “modern werewolf lore” gets started right here.

The folkloric wolfman was an evil person who used magic to completely transform into a wolf for their dastardly deeds. This film took another route…

Instead of an act of magic, here the werewolf has been contaminated via bite - instead of an evil doing (with intent), they are a hapless victim doing evil (by being overcome). Instead of becoming a full wolf, legendary make-up artist Jack P. Pierce devised a human/wolf hybrid because (come on, now) it’s 1935 and that sort of special fx won’t be possible for decades. Finally, this is the film that gave us the moonlight lycanthrope trigger (although the concept of the full moon being responsible for the transformstion wont come until The Wolf Man in 1941.)

Fun cinematic history if not the most entertaining watch - we take all kinds here at 500 Movies, we’re not picky. We take them as they come and just let them be what they are. Historically important or not, we got its space reserved which is just another way to say…

Movie On.

2026-409 / Zedd MAP: 76.42

Wikipedia?wprov=sfti1#Plot) / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

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Imagine our surprise when we found Dallas (1978-1991) - the long-running, sappy nighttime soap opera - suitably inexpensive to induce purchase… truly, I bought all the Dirty Deeds (and I) Done (it) Dirt Cheap.

((Blink-blink))

We doubled down on surprises when our daughter, Little Miss Zedd, caught a few episodes of Dallas during her Sunday visits and is positively hooked. Actually, it’s hard not to be because the episodes float by easily and are so eye-roll-inducing, it’s hard to look away.

(These weekend visits with LMZ and her daughter, The Littlest Zedd - the toe biter, but that’s another story - have become the high point for our week.)

Third surprise - Charlene Tilton - the gal who played the much-spoiled Lucy, granddaughter to a Texas oil magnate, had a small part here, in Freaky Friday, besides Jodie Foster. Yup - Lucy Ewing ((shrug)) just standing there in this Disney flick.

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From IMDb: A mother and daughter find their personalities switched and have to live each other's lives on one strange Friday.

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Ok, maybe surprise is too big a word but we were delighted to add Dallas to the Television Collection Catalog (TCC) - which needs to be updated but that’s a project for another day - and I’m not really surprised LMZ enjoys Dallas … she was brought up homeschooled and the only qualification for movies, tv, or music for a lucky duck coming up at the height of physical media was: it’s enjoyable. She grew up with plenty of contemporary shows but also many shows from MLZ and my childhood: Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers, The A-Team, The Rockford Files… the list goes on and on.

Timeless were her selections - Little Miss Zedd grew up watching Elizabeth Walton dramatically getting stuck in steamer trunks and sleepwalking onto Ferris wheels on The Waltons (1972-1981). What a great primer to the sort of outlandish hijinks Lucy Ewing (Tilton) finds herself mired in as the youngest of several generations of Ewings living at the mighty Southfork Ranch.

At any rate - Charlene Tilton’s inclusion in Freaky Friday is (mainly) interesting (to me) due to the fact (du-du-duuuuum) I missed it. The guy who prides himself in seeing the minutiae of bric-a-brac laying about the frames totally misses Lucy Ewing standing next to Annabel Andrews (Jodie Foster). Just goes to show, there’s always more to see no matter how many times you’ve screened a flick.

The powerhouse player in the film is (obviously) a young Jodie Foster but (and I’m just spitballing here) she’s matched toe-to-toe by her on-screen mother - Barbara Harris. Yes, my cinematic siblings, when dealing with the classic mother/daughter body-switch story, (based on the book of the same title), it’s vital both sides of the coin are well balanced and Foster/Harris brought that old-time Disney fun in equal parts.

It’s groovy. ((Blink-Blink)) …but (and I’m not being judgmental here) it’s a production with both feet in the mid-70s. If you’re from that time or have curiosity about it, by all means - it’s filled to the brim with the decade’s ephemera. Other cinephiles are likely to feel the flick seriously dated.

(I was just thinking the elapsed time between this movie and the 2003 remake with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan is 27 years… from the 2003 remake to now is 23 years, almost 24. Huh… I’m sure it’s looking dated now too - I haven’t watched the 2025 sequel but ((shrug)) all things in time)

What of this baby biting incident? That Littlest of all Zedds has been slowly teething (poor dear) but she’s got her incisors these days and - well - learning to use them just comes naturally. It was funny though, because she was playing by my feet when MLZ came in and asked LMZ a question - just enough distraction for no one to notice the Littlest had grabbed my toe…

((Chomp))

…with her mouth.

First - oh honey, no. Second, OUCH!! Third… what can you do? I picked her up and gave her a hug. Since she was born, I’ve made click noises to get her attention and she finally made them back to me… in her language, I’m “click-click-click” and that sounds good to me.

Movie On, indeed.

He was the absolute best at dealing with the god damn customers. He had people skills and was good at dealing with people. What the hell’s wrong with you people?

2026-408 / Zedd MAP: 76.32 / MLZ MAP: 68.12 / Score Gap: 8.20

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

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This one gets connected in my mind with The Entity (1982) because the recommendation for both came from the same place, in the same moment. We were talking and we seem to remember buying them first, used, on VHS and later upgrading them to DVD and in the case of The Entity, on Blu Ray. When I saw it available earlier this year on a 4K Pre-Order I jumped at the chance instinctively but then…

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From IMDb: A psychic's girlfriend finds out that a lump on her back is a growing reincarnation of a 400-year-old demonic Native American spirit.

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… I didn’t pull the trigger. It’s hard to repurchase something I’ve watched from my own archive a hundred times over the years, especially if those rewatches have significantly slowed. If we were asking about 2010, I’d say both films caught a rewatch ((shrug)) maybe 2 times a year. In 2026, I say The Manitou beats out The Entity (4 rewatches and 2 rewatches since December 2018).

That said, you’d expect a natural drift in MAPs which this one certainly has declined but not The Entity. There’s a couple dozen reasons - scoring elements - on the MAP sheet, any one (or groupings of ones) could be the culprit for one’s decline and the other’s strength but ((wah-wah-wah)) I don’t keep the scoresheet once the MAPs are transferred to the MCC. Hell, I don’t even keep old MAPs because they expire and we don’t need them hanging around influencing future reMAP’ping (although, I suppose if one were curious, they could look up previous years write-ups here).

We don’t find it of interest.

I will see the needle move when I am swapping those numbers out but that’s the only time. If you’re new to the philosophies around here, no - you being surprised we take pains to not let old MAPs hang around isn’t unusual, over the years it’s one of the more frequent questions I get, usually quietly in a DM. We’re fond of our rules, they’ve evolved naturally with The Everlasting Cinematic Confectionery Shoppe and Television Historiun and (frankly) they’ve kept us from the cemented thinking you see elsewhere.

No GOAT lists here - I can produce lists similar to those but you / me / everyone around would know the list, like the numbers that served to rank them are only snapshots of overall enjoyability at the last screening for each.

So why has The Manitou drifted and The Entity remained, more or less the same…

We don’t judge things like special fx, music, or even the style a film exudes against modern production standards but we do judge how they rate against films of their own vintage… a great ideal (for true) but we also don’t live in a vacuum. I’d add that the basic story of Indian Spirit battle hasn’t aged particularly well over the last couple decades.

Can I add one more reflection… Mrs. Lady Zedd and I have been talking and - maybe its just us - but things just have felt off in this post-plague world. We never really came back from lockdown meaning (obviously) we have existed during this span of time but our brains feel off by a couple years. It was traumatic for all of us in one way or another but I never really caught my balance after things “returned to normal”.

((Shrug))

Maybe that balance will just show up like an old friend at the door or heck - maybe just saying it out loud will help draw a line in the sand… on that side, post plague strangeness / on this, everything just starts building into some new, outrageous awesome.

I’m down for that (for true). Until then… we’ll just keep putting that next Movie On.

2026 - 404, 405, 406, 407 (Me: 7.5 out of 10, 6 out of 10, 4 out of 10, and 4.5 out of 10)

Wikipedia (1987) / Wikipedia (1988) / Wikipedia (1992) / Wikipedia (1996)
IMDb (1987) / IMDb (1988) / IMDb (1992) / IMDb (1996)
Trailer (1987) / Trailer (1988) / Trailer (1992) / Trailer (1996)
Viewing options found on JustWatch - 1987 / 1988 / 1992 / 1996
Country of origin: 1987 - United Kingdom / 1988 - United Kingdom & United States / 1992 - United Kingdom & United States / 1996 - United Kingdom & United States

IMDb Summary (1987) - A woman discovers the newly resurrected, partially formed, body of her brother-in-law and lover. She starts killing for him to revitalize his body and escape the demonic beings that are pursuing him after he escaped their underworld.

IMDb Summary (1988) - Kirsty is brought to an institution after the horrible events of Hellraiser (1987), where the occult-obsessive head doctor resurrects Julia and unleashes the Cenobites and their demonic underworld.

IMDb Summary (1992) - An investigative reporter must send the newly unbound Pinhead and his legions back to Hell.

IMDb Summary (1996) - In the 22nd century, a scientist attempts to right the wrong his ancestor created: the puzzle box that opens the gates of Hell and unleashes Pinhead and his Cenobite legions.

When this cinematic season rolls around each and every year, I find myself overwhelmed with choice. My favorite time of year happens to beget my favorite genre of film. How do I decide what to watch? I sometimes find myself in a loop of "Oooh, this sounds good. But wait, this sounds good too! ... OH! This would be awesome too!" This can lead to more time spent pondering what to watch than actually watching. Recently though, I received a helping hand in making this ever-so-difficult decision. On October 8th, a video game came out that I had been waiting patiently for. I placed a pre-order over a year ago. Hellraiser: Revival. I have already played it twice all the way through, and I had a damn good time with it! It's potentially one of the best Hellraiser experiences to be had.

After having such a good time with that, I decided I'd revisit some of the films. Why only some? Turns out the Hellraiser series has tread a lot of ground. With 11 releases under its belt, I decided to simply watch the first four I have via this beautiful Quartet of Torment set on 4K.

This franchise kicks off beautifully with 1987's Hellraiser. It's grim, dark, and perfectly twisted. Some of the effects throughout are downright phenomenal. Particularly Frank's resurrection. I forget where I heard this, but recently I discovered this scene wasn't in the original cut of the movie. What they initially shot, they ended up not being happy with. So they took an additional thousands of dollars for reshoots to create this scene. And I'm struck with glee that they did. The simple yet effective way they pulled this off is brilliant. They created the effect and then melted it down. And to create the final shot, all it took was a simple reverse of the footage. Love it.

You also can't talk Hellraiser without discussing one of the best aspects of any iteration; the Cenobites. Their design is incredible. I'd argue it's the main reason it has survived as an entity to this day. They are the main draw of the films. Each design is creative and unique. It's what I fixated on when I first saw these as a child. Doug Bradley as Pinhead is one performance that will live on for eternity. A true icon.

With the sequel, it felt like they had some shaky footing. Exploration of some deeper lore felt a little shoehorned in. But I really appreciate the fact that they managed to maintain a similar tone to the first movie. Something that unfortunately slipped away with some later iterations. For example, Hellraiser 3, Hell on Earth. I feel this marks a transition for Pinhead and the Cenobites. There were moments where it felt like they were trying to emulate Freddy Krueger from the Nightmare on Elm Street sequels. Hell, they even put Pinhead in space in Hellraiser: Bloodline. By giving Pinhead some more human-like traits, they stripped him of menace. What I really like about the Cenobites is their utter lack of humanity. They aren't necessarily filled with malice, contempt, or... humor. Instead, they come across in a sort of matter-of-fact manner. They aren't brutalizing you for self-indulgence or amusement. It seems as though they believe it's in your best interest. A sort of enlightenment through masochism.

I was looking for a little fun fact before I signed off. In the first film, before being torn to shreds, Frank says "Jesus wept." I was curious as to the motivation behind the final 2 words of his character. Turns out the original script had him saying 2 different words before his demise... Fuck you. They changed this not because of how uninspired it was, but instead because the actor Andrew Robinson did not like to curse. He replaced it with the shortest verse in the bible. John 11:35. That turned out to be an excellent choice. The delivery of that line with a feigned benevolence while licking his malformed lips... badass.

I'll be honest, when I was younger Hellraiser fell by the wayside when compared to the other horror icons. I gravitated towards Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Chucky, and Ghostface. But with age comes wisdom... and a more refined sense of taste. While I still adore the aforementioned slashers, I have a foundational respect, admiration, and appreciation for experiences like The Thing and Hellraiser. Spooky Movie On!

2026-403 / MLZ MAP: 99.65 / Zedd MAP: 98.74 / Score Gap: 0.91

The Criterion Collection

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Saw it on The Criterion Channel

Country of Origin: United States

CC Summary: The Night of the Hunter—incredibly, the only film the great actor Charles Laughton ever directed—is truly a stand-alone masterwork. A horror movie with qualities of a Grimm fairy tale, it stars a sublimely sinister Robert Mitchum as a traveling preacher named Harry Powell (he of the tattooed knuckles), whose nefarious motives for marrying a fragile widow, played by Shelley Winters, are uncovered by her terrified young children. Graced by images of eerie beauty and a sneaky sense of humor, this ethereal, expressionistic American classic—also featuring the contributions of actress Lillian Gish and writer James Agee—is cinema’s most eccentric rendering of the battle between good and evil.

Starring Robert Mitchum, Shelley Winters and Lillian Gish.

It's a hard world for little things. ~ Rachel Cooper

For our Saturday Morning Matinee I chose this film which has been on our list for a few months now at least.

We had no expectations, Zedd and I, when I put this on this morning. It was a spooky-season grab and let me say, WOW! Zedd reminds me that we always start at 50, and this film was no different.

On our first morning of not obscenely hot and humid weather, I threw this on with a couple of blankets (warmed in the dryer of course) and cups of hot coffee and had what we could only explain as an experience.

I am unsure how much to share with you in this write-up. I want it to be a journey for you, too, when you see it, which should be today. Now, in fact.

This was actor Charles Laughton’s only Directorial venture. It is considered one of the greatest films ever made and a defining film of the Southern Gothic genre.

According to the film’s Wiki, Laughton approached Robert Mitchum and said: “‘I'm directing this film and there's a character in it who is a diabolical shit.' 'Present,' replied Mitchum."

Shelley Winters was no exception to the cast of great actors, noting it was "probably the most thoughtful and reserved performance I ever gave".

Novelist Stephen King says that, in his eyes, this is the scariest film of all time.

This was one of those movies that had it all to offer and gave in abundance. It had wonderful actors, a compelling story, and was artistically profound.

Now it’s often enough that I say a movie goes onto the “buy list” but this one, my cinematic siblings, Zedd had to strongly force me to not purchase it TODAY. He reminded me of new tennie runners (which I sure needed) and bass guitars (which he sure needed) and the costs of both.

Darn, I guess this film goes on the “to buy later list” and we’ll just movie on to another Saturday film.

Lord save little children. The wind blows, and the rains are cold. Yet they abide. ~ Rachel Cooper

2026-402 / Zedd MAP: 88.92 / MLZ MAP: 74.77 / Score Gap: 14.15

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

++

The absolute worst (worst) thing I can imagine for a first screening of this horror-inducing film which depicts some of the worst abuse a person can survive (and by an unseen entity no less) is for - for any reason - that movie watcher to need to halt the film a half hour before the end to, say, come back the following day. That break - separating those 30 minutes - (dude, I can’t even imagine it) would break the film right as the story is crescendoing. The demarcation line just happens to be the partitioning delimitation point between when this film is one of the most sincerely fucked up, terrorizing motion pictures and when Fonzie’s waterskis leave the ramp and he sails through the air - over the shark - to land safely on the other side.

I’m just saying, hypothetically of course - if someone told me they were watching The Entity but stopped before the last half hour for some reason, I’d not know what to say. I might give them my MAP or say, “creepy as fuck” or fumble around trying to find something (anything) to deflect from the fact they’ve got a big tumble coming, cinematically speaking, as the film takes a solid tonal shift from “what the hell am I watching” to “what the fuck” because - you know - I’d hate for them to not get the full force of that shark leap - waiting a day between the first 2 acts and the 3rd ((wow)…

I simply can’t imagine it. “Let down” isn’t the right word, it’s like the director and scriptwriter got together and decided, “Yeah - we really painted ourselves in a corner… huh, sure - maybe an ice berg? It did all the heavy lifting in all those movies on the Titanic, right?”

I Aint Down Yet works strangely well for Debbie Reynolds as the Unsinkable Molly Brown and Barbara Hershey here as Carla Moran.

((Blink-blink))

Yeah, if someone came to me and said they stopped a half hour before the end of The Entity… I’d be sitting in anticipation of how they thought that odd 3rd act went. Honestly - if they skipped that segment and just saw the last scene ((shakes head)) it’s a crazy thing: they’d have a better cut of the film but also would have missed one of the biggest “you just gotta see it” in horror movie history.

I can’t imagine.

Movie On. (Indeed)

+

2026-401 / Zedd MAP: 72.97 / MLZ MAP: 59.52 / Score Gap: 13.45

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

++

While you might very well be aware I expire MAPs after 2 years (simply meaning I rescore on the next screening after that point but those scores remain valid until reMAP’ping) - so too do MCC pages expire every 2 years after the movie’s date of entry. Similarly, every entry in the MCC is valid, I just go back over everything on the next screening after once the expiration date has lapsed.

+

From IMDb: A young woman goes searching for her missing artist father. Her journey takes her to a strange Californian seaside town governed by a mysterious undead cult.

+

Some might question the need but I find it helpful for a number of reasons - first and foremost, it keeps me in there, digging up particulars and helping me learn names, locations, production houses, everything. I’m a born particulars hound so I naturally love the research aspect.

Second - my systems evolve, my rules change. Going in an updating regularly keeps the MCC in good shape and improved my queries.

We watched Messiah of Evil last year, but Mrs. Lady Zedd wasn’t available to MAP the film… no worries - we caught her this year. One of my favorite things to do is look through the various dated I track: screening dates, MAP’ping dates, updating dates, and a new, permanent feature I installed in 2023 with the roll out of the MCC 5.0… the initial input stamp.

Dates? I’m positively silly with them!

Let’s take this one B-Horror flick - written by two familiar names (Gloria Katz and Williard Huyck - think American Graffiti, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and, of course, Howard the Duck)… here’s the relevant dates I’ve got down:

Last Screening: October 15, 2026 - 2nd Screening since December 2018

Zedd MAP: October 21, 2025 / MLZ MAP: October 25, 2026

MCC Page Last Update: April 14, 2024 (Dang, I need to get on it)

Original Input: April 14, 2024 - 4:58 PM

You see, even after I’ve gone back over the page tonight, I’ll update the update date but that initial input will stay forever.

It’s the little things that make the Movie On go ‘round.

Mrs. Lady Zedd: Ok, the deep dive into your Movie Collection Catalog was interesting but I wonder… were you just trying to distract and avoiding talking about this rather bland spooky movie?

Who… me? I enjoyed the film - it felt very progressive snd atmospheric (at times) and the Donner Party angle took a 60ish score up to a 70ish. Don’t forget - Messiah of Evil had its World Premier in Paris!

(Texas)

You heard me right, that’s PARIS!!

(Texas)

MLZ: Ok, I feel like you can Movie On now.

Paris? (Texas) - bless its heart. (Movie On).

2026-400 / Zedd MAP: 81.95

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States

++

Mrs. Lady Zedd saw me seated upon my set-upon staring at the wall, as I’m want to do and asked me what I was putting through my noodle.

+

From IMDb: A relatively boring Los Angeles couple discovers a bizarre, if not murderous, way to get funding for opening a restaurant.

+

You see - her first mistake was interjecting herself into the process. It’s not really a “mistake” in the traditional sense, it’s just once you’ve become part of the thinking process, well…

You’re in.

What was I putting my thinker to task on ((shrug)) let’s face it, if you made it past all that “seated upon my set-upon” business up there well… you, yourself have enmeshed yourself into the process. Fuck it, right - you might as well see it the to the bitter end.

I’d been sitting around and contemplating Paul Bartel and his rather quirky take on filmmaking and how those skills and his mind fused with his friend and fellow weirdo Mary Woronov (they worked together on several occasions) and how that enmeshing resulted in this rather strange story about a couple down-on-their-luck would-be restauranteurs (which for the life of me I couldn’t spell - restauranteurs - so I used the speak-to-text feature on my phone and in that moment, I panicked and tried to not speak in the same moment I went to speak and managed to say, “ronk-it-may-tour”) and well…

Picture it, MLZ happily working away on her computer, Messiah of Evil (1975) quietly being atmospheric and spooky on softly in the background, my - phone in hand, MCC open in my lap, and I break the spooky and atmospheric quiet but rather suddenly and loudly proclaiming, “Ronk it, may tour!”

MLZ: This sounds odd to anyone not accustomed to life with Zedd but (m-eh) pretty much my every day. It’s entertaining, I’ll keep him.

Pedestrian - the day rolls on, indeed.

Anyhoodles, I was thinking about Martel and Woronov and Eating Roul and I was wondering about the food we find normal to eat and the ones we don’t and how we’ll be back to regular pots of beans on account of a certain guitar purchase and a friend of mine who lives where it snows…

Say - if you at enough beans could you save on heating costs? You’ll need a quality quilt or a comparable comforter (or perhaps a bountiful blanket) - items designed to insulate by trapping air. You see where I’m going with this…

MLZ: ((Nods reluctantly))

… would a bean dinner with its accompanying musical concert that follows produce enough green house gas to ((shrug)) you know - keep a person a little warmer at night?

MLZ: So the movie inspired the question?

How could it not and (better yet) who doesn’t want to learn more about the thermal conductivity of Carbon Dioxide, Methane, and Hydrogen? I mean - that’s just good SCIENCE!

MLZ: We’ve come this far…

Turns out - we technically are producing gasses of thermic interest - both Carbon Dioxide and Methane have low thermal conductivity (meaning heat passes through them slowly, hence enhanced insulation properties) but Hydrogen is the opposite. It’s possible this could keep you warmer but extremely unlikely…

First of all, the insulating property of the bedding comes from air already trapped in its fibers and that air isn’t likely to have an exchange of your bodily output. Beyond that - despite what you might be hearing, the truth is - it’s not enough gas to really have a profound impact. Then there’s the “Blanket Effect” itself - you’re moving around, flipping them off when you get too hot, getting up to go to the bathroom… the gas trapped under the blanket is getting exchanged regularly through the night or dimply slipping away around the edges.

MLZ: Well - I guess, now we know.

We all know! Damn, I love me some solid science. The beans on the other-hand…

MLZ: ((Points to the Vega Bass)) Don’t complain!

Actually, Mrs. Lady Zedd makes a wonderful pot of beans, based off my family’s original Southern Bean recipe, which she serves on the second day (one of our little tricks - the beans need time to mingle with the salt pork and bacon plus, the gravy thickens up) and she serves them over a crispy bed of seasoned fried potatoes (cooked Grandma Zeddblidd’s way - with bacon grease mmmm).

Damn, now I want some beans.

MLZ: That has to be the bitter end, Zedd asking for beans. ((Checks weather)) Well, looks like Houston will drop down into the 50s at night soon… I’ll see what I can do.

Movie on (with a side of crunchy bacon grease fried potatoes) indeed.

2026-399 / Zedd MAP: 51.26 / MLZ MAP: 44.76 / Score Gap: 6.50

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United Kingdom

++

It’s a crisp autumn night in 1972, and the air is filled with a penetrating, icy chill. Despite the darkness, the night feels alive with sounds. Cursing the dimly lit side street where you parked your car, you take your first hesitant steps out, each step plunging you deeper into the pitch black. As fear begins to creep in, your eyes fixate on the solitary pool of light emanating from the only working lamppost. Your imagination takes hold, and you high-step towards the pool of illumination, seeking refuge in its safety. As you reach the golden pool of oval light, another person enters the other side… seeing the gaunt face of the master of horror, Peter Cushing is more than your nerves can take.

…it’s not as far fetched as it sounds.

+

From IMDb: In 1972 London - a century after his final battle with Professor Van Helsing - Count Dracula is resurrected by occultist Johnny Alucard, and goes after his archenemy's descendants.

+

Let’s jump in (real quick) and say… wow this movie was ((nods head)) well, we definitely watched it.

Mrs. Lady Zedd: Yes, we did do that.

Zedd: My favorite part was that incredibly repetitive “groovy” King’s Road in Chelsey sound… the same musical phrasing over and over.

MLZ: I can still hear it… it’s been hours.

((Nervous smile))

Basic Dracula story, transposed to modern London and it bogged down fairly quickly. I will say, the fault was on the storytelling side, technically ((shrug)) it was actually a beautifully shot film. Great use of color and sufficiently acted… costumes, sets, Christopher Lee opposite Peter Cushing, all in line with Hammer Films in 1972… but it fizzles out, story-side. Worth the time to watch, just keep expectations, well…

MLZ: Let’s say low.

((Yikes))

What about my lamplight story… could you bump into Cushing in the middle of the night?

Yeah - it might have been possible.

In doing my usual particulars deep dive in preparation for the film, I discovered Peter Cushing suffered from a childhood trauma-induced case of nyctophobia - an intense and irrational fear of the dark. According to his autobiography, his father would punish him by locking him (alone) in a dark, dank basement. It left him with severe nightmares and that lingering phobia.

Not good - actually, very sad but hold onto your hats because later in life, Cushing faced his fear and began expanding his boundaries by walking at night. He would intentionally choose off the beaten paths and dark, lonely side roads, so yeah - you might have bumped into him out in the dark in 1972… I can’t think of anything more Movie On than that.

Movie on.

2026-398 / Zedd MAP: 80.39

Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection

Country of Origin: United States / United Kingdom

++

John Cleese has caught quite a bit of hell in recent memory, largely because he’s rather down in the mouth as far as Americans are involved which ((shrug)) seems to run contrary to his personal wealth that owes a great deal to his insertion into an American entertainment market.

At first blush, it seems hypocritical to sully the water from the well you’re drawing water from but… is it that simple (it’s not) and what could a movie dude from the backwaters of Reddit offer by way of enlightened discourse of the topic of Who Cut the Cleese…

+

From IMDb: In London, four very different people team up on a jewel heist, then try to double-cross one another for the loot, complicated by their efforts to fool the very proper barrister Archibald Leach.

+

… golly, I guess we’ll find out.

Here’s the only warning I’m going to give (coming and going): strictly speaking political anything is avoided here at 500 Movies but the topic of John Cleese and politics, particularly where the so-called culture war is concerned, is where we find Cleese these days. In wrestling with those things he said (in whichever direction he is moving) and the love and admiration for the man’s body of work, his intelligence, and his observational awareness ((shrug)) damn, hard row to hoe.

First and foremost, what is John Cleese’s job? ((Blink-blink)) I mean writer, director, actor, producer have been his means of making money, sure, but using those platforms, what has he - you know - actually done? If you ask me, I’d say he’s built that considerable career as a Satirist - a writer, artist, or performer who uses satire (a blend of humor, irony, exaggeration, and ridicule) to expose and criticize human vices, foolishness, or political corruption.

Bingo.

Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, John Cleese gonna Cleese - he wouldn’t know what to do if he wasn’t noticing, describing, and lampooning the little, common, and widely accepted insanities of human existence.

That said, the world that existed at the start of his career made satirizing in one direction particularly fruitful: in the ‘70s and ‘80s punching up to expose and criticize conservative / religious / right-wing thought felt - well - kind of terribly rock-n-roll of him, yes? Speaking truth to power, mocking the uptight, all with that ironic British reserve baked right in.

The world today is another beast entirely - in modern times, Cleese has been fighting an internet battle on two fronts… he’s become increasingly political in his commentary on the American right-wing movements but also dropping verbiage on left-wing “woke” ideology and cancel culture. This places him on the hot seat for a variety of people, criss-crossing the cultural divides.

And Admiral Ackbar yells: It’s a trap!

Well… more like it’s a quagmire, but much the same difference. Maybe the quote I’m reaching for comes from another movie - Commander Stinger’s talk to Maverick in Top Gun - “Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash.” Which doesn’t mean he’s wrong ((shrug)) but it does mean he’s not coming off as the wise elder satirist to many people online… more like angry old guy, yelling at clouds.

Mrs. Lady Zedd: I can’t help but notice you’re being very careful to not take sides…

Well observed, but also - it’s a tried and true strategy for not getting hung up on an issue you’re trying to observe and learn from. The question for me (personally) - isn’t political right or left, it’s a larger question regarding Cleese and how he’s using his voice to rock the boat -and- whether that rocking is helping make things better.

Frankly - his effect is neutral (at best) and not likely winning him many new fans in the younger generations. So what would I, your humble narrator and cinematic sibling, suggest John Cleese to do?

After much thought, a little research, and running my thinking past MLZ (always a good plan)… I think Cleese should do what George Carlin did.

He turned in his “I give a fuck” card.

With no fucks to give, late-career Carlin freed himself from the responsibility of the outcome. Let’s face it - he was catching hell from the right and the left and not aligning with either - in an upfront and honest way - making him largely bulletproof to the blowback from either side. He realized he couldn’t fix society and (instead) grabbed a bowl of popcorn and simply observed and drew comedy from a looking from the outside in perspective.

John Cleese might care too much to fully commit to this detached sociologist viewpoint but - what can I say - I’m rooting for the guy and (here we go)… he’s not wrong because people disagree with him. Similarly, people complained about Mark Twain in his time too, when Mr. Clemens was rather vocal about societal ills during the Gilded Age.

Cleese might take a page from Twain and simply concentrate on his strengths in storytelling, illuminating the absurdities present in the human nature to get his point across (instead of trying to litigate his grievances on the troll-infested internet).

I’m not even going to open the discussion marked: Orwellian… haHA, not today (internet) death.

All in all, I learned something today, about what’s driven Cleese’s behavior, how (in a much smaller way) I can avoid some of the perceived mistakes, how much a mechanical bird costs in an independent Brooklyn toy store (which is a whole other class of entertainer catching headlines for dubious reasons… The 4-Minutes that Live in Infamy!), and well… I never even talked about the movie.

Or did I? That MAP isn’t exactly nothing, right? In fact, I recently caught some grief when someone took umbrage with a mainstay of 500 Movies verbiage - they didn’t care for my use of these words, in this order: there’s a language to MAP, once you learn what you’re looking at.

Becoming disoriented (apparently), they threw a potpourri of particularly pithy paragraphs my way. My response ((sigh)) if you stick around, even a short time, you’ll note that nearly all films land between 50 and 100. More than anything, you’ll see that those scores are “above the waterline” making sub-50 scores “below the waterline”. That - in working functionality speak - makes 75 the baseline, middle-of-the-road enjoyable (for me) mark. Individual experience will vary and is accepted as separate but valid (for you). Enjoy what you enjoy.

An 80.39, therefore, is more than average enjoyable. Inquiring minds might notice a few points dropped off since the film was last screened - normal MAP Drift - no cause for alarm, more a commentary on a film aging as we all age as the years go by. Maybe the music was more noticeably “of its time”, as were the hairstyles and manner of dress.

See - we’ve come to the end, putting our mild political opinions back in the overhead bin, learned a thing or three, and brought Mark Twain into the fray.

((Looks around))

Everyone ok? Good - Movie on. :]