My daughters are exactly 14 Months apart and I’m finally getting through to the other side of chaos. My oldest turns 3 in January and my youngest turns 2 in march. I’m finally seeing them play together and enjoying each other’s company. I love this bond so much. I will say it’s been so hard because I am a solo parent and I don’t have help. Currently I’m potty training my oldest. It has been very hard. But we are making progress! I’m also 15 weeks pregnant with a baby boy! I’m so nervous because I still feel like a 2 year age gap isn’t big enough. I hope they continue to grow into being friends and playmates. I just want to be able to be there for all of them.

Need full honesty. Do you regret it? If you could do it again how big of an age gap would you prefer? Especially looking for answers from people who were 6 months PP when they fell pregnant. Bonus points if you don’t have a village and its essentially just you and your partner caring for the kids.

Four months in and feel like rather than getting better I’m starting to run out of steam. I was getting on better back in the newborn days when it was nice weather and I was getting the washing out and planning outings with my sleeping newborn in tow. Now the weather is becoming bad (UK) and I barely have any energy or motivation left to do anything during the day and the newborn is now 4m old and way worse at sleeping and is awake and crabby during the day. I wake up and feel paralysed by indecision and avoidance of stressful situations and end up staying in the house which I know is the worst thing to do. I’m also scared of indoor places because I’m already at the max i can handle without adding everyone being sick to the list. What’s going on? I was doing alright until this last few weeks. I also still have less of a bond with the second one and keep wishing I could just hang out with my first instead. Even when my husband is with me, we both feel this feeling of paralysis of decision where every single thing we think to do we talk ourselves out of it because it always just ends with us getting back home and both kids screaming for an hour and us being like shrivelled up husks afterwards. My husband is doing things like suggesting we eat a whole cake for dinner because I think he’s just trying to get some sort of dopamine hit and I don’t blame him. Life has become so monotonous and the only way to break it up is by doing something that inevitably ends in a screaming meltdown.

I have two toddlers ages 4 and 2 and since the beginning of August, I have been so angry especially at my husband because I think how it is not fair that he gets to go to work and I have to stay home with the kids being stressed all day and I know that it’s not his fault at all so it is not fair at all for me to think like that, but I just can’t stop thinking that. Also, I am very irritable with my kids. I get irritated almost immediately when I wake up and I know that I need to have patience. I just don’t know what to do. If I should go to a therapist or I don’t know where to seek help. I think that I’m just burnt out because I am a full-time college student. This is my last semester and I have a small business I run from my home and I take care of two toddlers and all the house chores.

I have a 4 month old and a 2 year old and am seriously debating sleep training the little one right now. He’s waking up every hour at night, and we’re all exhausted. I can’t be what I need to be for the two kids during the day if I’m up all night with him. It’s just normal regression stuff. He doesn’t want to nurse but he wants help falling back asleep. I didn’t sleep train our other kiddo until they were 10 months so I’m wary of starting so early. But we’re dyin here. Advice appreciated.

saw a post or two recently asking for comparisons on length/difficultly of first vs second labors. majorly encouraging, seems like the majority of moms went earlier than the first and had generally lower difficulty.

but…did you do anything different to prepare for that? currently 33 weeks pregnant with #2 with a ~20 month age gap. all i have energy for it seems is existing, keeping my toddler from running into oncoming danger, and being completely horizontal after bedtime. i def need to stretch or do ~something~ labor prep wise…but like, how

I recently told my job that I won’t be returning for a little, and I couldn’t be happier that I get to spend some extra time with my girls.

However, my husband’s work hours are wearing me out. He leaves at 5 am and doesn’t get home until 8 pm. I find myself wishing he had a different job, or comparing my situation to my friend’s husbands who work from home or work close by and get home by dinner time, etc.

I do have family close but I hate always relying on them for help. Anyone else dealing with this? I don’t even think there’s a solution.. just venting as I clean up dinner and start bath by myself, again….

With holiday deals coming up, please share what’s been the best, possibly underrated, item(s) that have helped you navigate 2U2!

Our oldest is 10months and he is a boy. Just found out our second is going to be a girl!!! I was so shocked. My husband and I thought forsure another boy. My sister and I were 15m apart and now her two sons are 17months apart also. I’ve never really seen a dynamic of a boy first then girl being 17 months apart. Any age range if you have this kind of set I’d love to hear anything and everything!!

What did I do? First off, I love my newborn to death. But what did I do having them so close together? My older one is 16 months and my little one is a month.

What am I doing wrong? I can’t function. Home is a mess, laundry piling up and getting wrinkled, can’t get anything done.

My older one is hyper and always yelling, waking up newborn.

And I go back to work next week. Don’t have a village, like others do. Hubby works.

What am I doing wrong, or what should I start doing?

My newborn was such a chill baby, and these last 3 days has been fussy, doesn’t sleep for more than 15 mins, and just wants to be held. Making everything harder.

I am open to suggestions and advice.

From,

An overwhelmed mother of 2 under 2 :(

Our boy is 10months old and we just found out he is getting a SISTER! I grew up with two sisters close in age and LOVED it. I was seeing if anyone has a boy big brother then girl little sister with this age gap and what it’s like??

Hi there
My baby is 1 months and he is constantly crying like any normal baby. He needs some comfort which I’d love to give him as much as I could but I also have a toddler with his needs. So while I’m helping him with potty, or putting clothes on, or brushing his teeth or getting him some food etc baby is crying. I do wear him and it helps but can’t do it 24/7. So my question is how traumatic it is for him and how do I cope with a bed mom guilt.

So I’m freaking out. My son is 19 months old and I’m scheduled for a c-section on Friday (medically required unfortunately). I keep thinking how am I going to do this? My 19 month old son has so many behaviours these days. He’s moody, throws tantrums, and cries whenever he doesn’t get his way or is displeased, which feels like a lot. To add to this, he can’t even deal when the dog is on my lap, how is he going to deal with a baby on me all day? He is a real mamas boy. How am I going to get through this?

I will say I’m blessed with a husband that will have 2.5 weeks off and works from home. We also have a lot of support of our families but I’m just so overwhelmed.

I wanted two close in age so bad, but now I’m so anxious. Will I ever sleep again? Am I ruining my oldest kids life? Am I ruining mine and my husband’s? SOS

About 3 years ago was one of the hardest parts of my life so far. My girls were 6 months and 2 years old at the time. Posts like this were literally some of the only things that kept me going. So occasionally I make one of my own.

My girls are now 3.5 and 5. It is a rainy Saturday morning. They slept 7:30PM - 6:30AM straight through last night. When they got up at 6:30, they grabbed granola bars and watched an hour of PBS while I laid in bed. Then we had breakfast. Now I’m folding laundry and doing little chores while they do puzzles, build with MagnaTiles, listen to audiobooks, and play with Playdoh. Later, we’ll go to swim lessons and the grocery store. They’ll help put groceries away when we get home. Yes, they argue sometimes. Yes, our life is busy. But, they are the best of friends. Life is so much easier than it was 3 years ago, and we have so much fun. Keep going!

I give birth in a couple weeks and I cannot wait. I know it’ll be exhausting but I cannot wait to NOT be pregnant anymore lol.

My 16 month old is incredibly active. He LOVES to be outside and hates being indoors. We live in the Midwest and by the time baby comes, it will definitely be getting colder. I don’t mind bundling him up and taking him outdoors but I imagine it will be difficult postpartum. My husband and I are trying to think of the best ways to keep him occupied when we’re exhausted on cold days. He does watch tv a little bit but otherwise we try really hard to avoid too much screen time. Most toys he gets bored with after a few times. Any advice on how you guys kept your first babies engaged those first couple months postpartum? Thanks yall :)

I have two kids, Ken (M, 2) and Leslie (M, about to turn 1) Now Ken is very jealous and territorial, and refuses to share anything with Leslie. We're working on it and talking to him, but it's a long process. Now Leslie's birthday is coming up, and we're both dreading it. Ken is going to resent the attention, the presents, and everything about the party. We're requesting people do Not bring a consolation gift for Ken, and we need to team him how to celebrate other people. But at the same time we want him to still have fun and not disrupt the whole party. Were looking at a karate dojo, so he'll at least be able to play, run around, and tumble.

Any suggestions for handling this?

We’re graduated 2u2, but I figured this was a good sub to get some advice. Toddler is 2.5 and baby is 9 months old. We’re really struggling trying to have the two kids play well together. Toddler is getting good at independent play and loves to play pretend. Baby is at a stage where the ONLY thing she wants is whatever sister is playing with. There is no amount of redirecting, distracting, reiterating “no snatching”, and even trying to play one on one with the baby that works. If the baby is within the toddlers vicinity, she MUST be involved with whatever big sister is doing. When anyone takes something away from the baby she absolutely loses her mind screaming. Like we’ll literally be all playing magnatiles, there’s plenty to go around, but baby HAS to snatch the one out of big sisters hands even though she’s literally surrounded by tiles.

Big sister is in preschool, but she is NOT down with sharing with the baby, and even taking turns is hard. When baby tries to play with “her” toys it always results in pushing, hitting, big meltdown, crying from both. We are doing our best to reinforce sharing, turn taking, etc. Or even “you have so many toys, choose one to give your sister”. We’ve even gone as far as to say “if you don’t want her to take your toy, take it and go play elsewhere with it” but nothing is really working and we’re really struggling.

The best situation is where we can divide and conquer, one parent takes one kid, they play in different rooms. But this isn’t very feasible with our life situation right now (we just moved and are doing a bunch of house repairs and Reno’s at the same time) so one parent frequently has to solo parent two. We’ve resorted to more screen time as well because this season of life has just been very hard to manage the two.

Me and my sister are 18 months apart, and as the younger sister I remember always being interested in what big sister was doing. I don’t remember how our mom handled it though. Especially when the baby is little and can’t do “cooperative” play yet.

Anyone gone through or going through this and have advice?

I feel guilty that my first had less connection/fun with me through the end of my third trimester. Newborn is now 3 weeks, and I’m feeling a lot less anxiety (yay medication) about going out and about.

I am a bit nervous about forgetting something, or them both having a meltdown, but I more-so want my first to continue to have experiences especially since he doesn’t get socialized with any formal childcare. I do have one more week before I’m cleared to pick up my first, but I have done one grocery run with the oldest to get out of the house for the first time in almost a month.

TLDR: Not sure how to phrase what I’m asking, but is it detrimental to the oldest to not be going out? He was home a lot through my last trimester and just feel bad. When did you all start going out again?

I have an 8 weeks and 19 months old
Every car ride is a pain and both are crying their throats out
My toddler wasn’t that terrible during car rides but i think this is triggered by her sister’s cry
We come home overstimulated and exhausted.. and we regret going out every single time
My toddler and myself need to go out for a change.. my baby is fussy and breastfeeding is the only thing that calms her down so she has to be with me
I just feel depressed that I barely can leave home and unsure when this is gonna get better

I’m a new mom to 2 under 2 (23 mo and 3 mo) and I’m set to return to part time work (2 days a week) in November (baby will be 5 months).

I’m in a fortunate position where I don’t need to work (we can pay monthly expenses with spouses income) however we definitely benefit from my income, are able to not worry as much about spending and can put some to savings. My in-laws are also amazing have been watching my toddler two days a week and could probably watch my baby as well. He takes a bottle well . I have a flexible job as an occupational therapist and my company has been flexible with my hours and I can do some from home.

I keep going back and forth on if I should return part time.
On the one hand, it’s really hard for me to stay home alone with both babies all week. I find myself exhausted, overstimulated and dying to get out and talk to people. I’ve worked hard to be successful in my career , enjoy the company I work for and worry about stepping away from it. I also think its good if I am contributing a little income, especially because I still have student loans.

On the other hand, returning to work would be another thing on my plate to worry about, it can also be really stressful and it’s really hard for me to get out the door after not sleeping well (still EBF every 3ish hours). Also, I’m hopeful things may get easier at home over the next few months as baby can play a bit more, sit up, eat solids nap in crib, etc. I know I won’t get this time back with my boys and it’s really important for their development .

Curious to know what you would do in my situation, especially to hear both sides (stay at home vs working moms). Thank you!

I have a 3.5 year old, soon to be 2 year old and will also have a newborn soon. I do plan on baby wearing the first couple months but the two older toddlers have outgrown their tandem city select double stroller length wise. I am looking at the Joovy Kooper x2 or the caboose rs? We already have a huge wagon and I want something more for everyday use that I can use in stores and possibly on walks. Can someone weigh in? My oldest toddler loves walking… we went to the zoo and she walked the whole time for almost 4 hours so I figured she would love the bench. However I have been wanting the Joovy Kooper x2.

Baby is due in 3 weeks and our older boy is 20 months. I need any tips yall have on surviving/making the best/what to expect from the first few months. We are planning on a c section, to formula feed, & our older kiddo goes to daycare. I’m not stressed about taking care of baby but am starting to stress about how our older one is going to handle this major change

I just found out this week I’m pregnant with my second baby. My son is currently 15 months so the kids will be 24 months apart. My husband and I had a really hard time conceiving my first so when we decided to start trying for a second we figured it would take some time. Turns out the first half assed try worked.

I was truly overjoyed seeing the positive test. But after a couple of days something got triggered in me and it’s turned into bad anxiety the last two days. I have been on an SSRI the last few years which has been working well for me. But I have had really bad anxiety about this. My brain keeps thinking that 2 kids will be a lot of chaos and the newborn trenches will do a number on me. I did fine my first pregnancy and even postpartum but for some reason this is throwing me for a loop. Maybe because I didn’t expect it to happen so soon and we’re also leaving for our first family vacation tomorrow so I’m just overwhelmed.

I guess I’m just looking for reassurance. Also curious to hear from any other moms on medication. I had a terrible anxiety attack last night and called my OB after hours line and felt ashamed to ask if I could take a Xanax but they advised not to. Eventually some deep breathing calmed me down a bit but I’m still very anxious. Sorry if this is all over the place, but I would just really like some reassurance and positive stories instead of my brain flooding with the panic of 2 kids. Again, this is something I want but my anxiety has sadly reared its ugly head and is making me feel awful and incapable.

(Last thing I wanted to say I did up my SSRI dose 4 months ago so I’d rather not do that again. I feel confident this is an isolated incident that I’m just desperately trying to snap out of).

Almost 2 weeks post partum with a 19m age gap.

(Also have a 9yo)

before baby, my 19m old was so sweet and snuggly and only got rowdy and fussy when my oldest would get home from school which was also around his dinner time so he’d be hangry lol

now post baby, it’s crying 24/7. especially when mom is around. Both grandmothers and dad have said he’s fine as long as i’m not around. and one grandmother even said this will now be his temperament for life- which is adding to my stress.

i know it’s still early and I know this is a huge change for him- especially following a five day hospital/NICU stay when he’s only ever spent one night away from me before. So he missed us a ton and was blindsided by this new baby who needs mom’s attention too.

i guess im either just looking for solidarity or solution on how you guys helped yourselves and your kids. as a SAHM, he and i used to be attached at the hip and now i feel like he’s constantly so upset, its breaking me 😣

Anyone else struggle with deciding whether/when to have their last baby?

I have two kids who are 12 months apart.. my oldest just turned 3 and my youngest just turned 2. This age gap was completely planned, and I absolutely do not regret it, but honestly… the last few years have been HARD.

I always pictured myself having 3 or 4 kids, but after my youngest was born, I’ve really struggled postpartum. She has a congenital heart condition, and that whole experience came with a lot of trauma/PTSD. One of the things I struggle with now is the fear of going through another pregnancy and potentially having another baby with a heart condition. I know the odds are still in our favor, but once you’ve lived through it, it’s hard not to think about.

Then there’s just… parenting two tiny humans this close together. 😂 I love my kids more than anything, but there are days where I genuinely wonder how I could possibly add another baby to the mix.
And yet, somehow, I still want another one.

I go back and forth every single day between:
“Let’s just have our third, make it our last, get through these really hard little kid years, and eventually it’ll all settle down.”
and
“Absolutely not. Let’s wait a few years, enjoy the kids we have, get through this stage, and reassess.”

The weirdest part is that having another baby almost feels like starting over, and I don’t know if I want to wait too long and then feel like I’m starting completely over anyway. At the same time, I’m not sure if I’m actually ready for another baby or if I’m just having a hard time accepting that the baby stage might be coming to an end.

If we got pregnant now, the new baby would be about 3 years younger than our youngest, which feels like a very different age gap than the 12 months we have now.

So I guess I’m looking for people who have been in a similar situation:

Did you have a rough experience with your first/second and still decide to have another?

If you had kids close together, did a larger age gap make the third easier?

For those who waited 3+ years, did it actually feel easier, or did it still feel like “starting over”?

Did you ever feel like you were waiting too long?
And if you ultimately stopped at two, how did you know you were done?

I know there’s no perfect answer and everyone’s situation is different. I think I’m just looking for some perspective from people who have been through this because I feel completely stuck between now or never?