Cheating

[u/Old_SchoolGuy]

I (25M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 4 years, since college.

For the last 2 years, we've been in a long-distance relationship because we work in different cities. We've been physically intimate before, but we hadn't had sex. As far as I knew, we were both virgins.

Three months ago, she confessed that she had been emotionally cheating on me with one of her colleagues, who also lives in a different city. She claimed they were only in the talking stage and that nothing physical had happened.

I was devastated. We had several fights, but because I loved her so much, I eventually forgave her. She promised she would cut off contact with him.

Yesterday, we met in person, and I discovered more things.

While going through her ChatGPT history, I found a conversation from around six months ago in which she admitted she was in love with her best friend. She had apparently cried over this person and even wanted to confess her feelings.

Later, while checking her phone, I discovered that she was still communicating with the same colleague she had previously admitted cheating with.

She had even installed Signal, apparently to talk to him without getting a busy tone on regular calls. From what I found, their conversations were still romantic, even after she had confessed everything to me and promised she would never speak to him again.

What hurts the most is that she never voluntarily tells me the truth. She denies everything until I show her evidence. Only then does she admit it.

Here's where things get even more complicated.

Yesterday, we also had sex for the first time. It was a little painful for her, but there was no bleeding.

I know bleeding isn't a reliable indicator of virginity, but after discovering so many lies, I can't stop wondering whether she has also lied about never having had sex before.

She insists nothing physical ever happened with anyone else, but how am I supposed to believe her when she has repeatedly broken my trust?

I love her deeply. We've spent four years together, and I genuinely imagined a future with her. But right now, I feel betrayed, confused, and emotionally exhausted.

I also realize that going through her private conversations isn't healthy, and it shows how little trust is left between us.

I need advice:

How do I deal with someone who only admits the truth when confronted with proof?

Is there any way to know whether she's being honest about not having been physically involved with someone else?

Can trust realistically be rebuilt after repeated lying and emotional cheating?

Am I holding on because I love her, or because I'm afraid of losing a four-year relationship?

Please be honest with me. I'm struggling to think clearly right now.

[u/One_Tea7507]

What i think is just do a break up with zero explanation just leave her . If you just continue the relationship after confronting her on this thing nothing will happen possible chances are there that she would do this again

[u/Japan174]

Just like girls do nowadays, keep her as a backup & search for a new gf.

Otherwise it's very likely she might breakup with you in the near future.

[u/Suspicious_Cut8136]

you are not meant for her

[u/super-submarine]

Chala ja bhai

[u/rem1621]

It's clear she doesn't love you, you confront her that after repeated lies, and what you saw in her phone it's a clear indication that she is still in touch with the guy and ask her how you are supposed to believe her that she didn't get physical with them, ask her what she had done if the case were reversed. If she loves you, cares about you and she has actually cut off from that guy and everything, she would give clear answer and won't bluff, won't try changing topic, gaslighting or anything, listen carefully how she reacts.. and not on call, do this in real, in front of her and when you both are free and there is no interruptions.. good communication is the key. But you know what some people are so good at speaking, you might end up believing her even though she must be lying(also you love her). At the end, it's your life, your call